Grief Pride

My next sentence might seem strange and probably one I never thought I would utter.

“I am proud of my grief.”

There, I’ve said it! What a strange thing to say especially when, obviously, I would rather not have grief at all. But I do have grief and I hate it, of course I do, because above anything else I want my man. How I want my man. I try hard not to let my grief define me but it is a massive part of who I am now. However, the love and happiness he brought into my life is a far, far bigger part of all that I am. It is more than four years since my life changed forever and I still feel emptiness and sadness and a longing for all that could have, should have been. But I cope. I cope by keeping my man alive. Alive in our hearts and memories. “Do you not know that a man is not dead while his name is still spoken?”

Those of you who are newly bereaved will find my statement difficult to understand perhaps, but those who are further on in their grief, hopefully, will know where I am coming from. Now, I guess, I need to explain:

I am proud of my grief because it symbolises my love for the rarest soul ever on earth and his love for me. My grief keeps my man alive. It tells a story. My story. Our story. A story of deep, all consuming love between two people. A story of one being left alone on this earth but still embracing that deep love. A love so strong that it can never die. A story which tells how love continues to grow, even after death. Yes, the rarest soul ever to walk this earth was mine, is mine and I, his. So I carry my grief with pride. Why wouldn’t I, for all that it signifies?

17 Likes

Oh @Crazy_Kate, I so so identify what you have said. Love your post. I am changed by my loss but plod on and will never forget my lost love and all the many happy years we spent together.

5 Likes

Beautifully written, @Crazy_Kate, and now I’m a bit further down that road I can only agree with every word you say…every…single…word.

3 Likes

18 months, on I still grieve, but I know where you are coming from. Can I add pride to the equation, proud I knew her proud she knew me, and proud of the love we had. Shell has gone taken from me , but the love and the pride will never go. To not grieve would be unnatural,

3 Likes

Hi Crazy Kate,
Ahhhh…that was deep, wow, still soaking it up, thank you for your words, They hit me hard, I will not lie, damm, like a needle in the eye, they are like fire, they burn, … but I get it,…to say those words, to mean them that is where you are, and your acceptance is so refreshing, I need to be there… for the sake of my heart, my mind, my total being…I need to feel that…that right there,…which you described so well, so lovingly. Im new on her, I’ve only been on this journey… ha ! 5 weeks today,
Still so very raw, a good day today though, as in better than Sh!t…
I pray for more of those days…and more posts like yours,
Thank you
X
Foggy

2 Likes

Thanks for your comments everyone. I’m pleased you can understand my sentiments. Sending love, strength and understanding. xx

1 Like

I totally agree, I talk about my Derek to everyone & my main fear is the memories we made get further away. I’ve always said whilst I’m here so is he. He made me, ME. He is part of me & always will be. I’m not a widow I’m still married to Derek & I’ll celebrate every anniversary as we would have done. I’m proud that I loved him so much & he loved me. He was my soulmate & still is.
Take care x

5 Likes

Dear Kate,

I could have written the exact words. It is seven years for me since my Peter died and yes, I talk about him all the time, he is brought into every single conversation, our two sons also include their dad in any conversations we have. Our sons are now in their late 40’s and early 50’s and they are the spitting image of their dad, they are so much like him that at first glance all I see is Peter, then I see our sons who are identical to each other, there are three years between them but they could be twins. Our neighbour told me that she always gets a shock when they come to see me as she thinks it is Peter. They have the same mannerisms and the same silly sense of humour and still have the same hobbies and interests their dad had.

It is wonderful, but sometimes a shock when one of them walks in and just for a moment, I think it is Peter.

Love
Sheila.x

4 Likes

Hello Sheila,

How lovely to hear from you. It must be wonderful that both your son’s are so like their dad. Our son loves it when I compare him to David. He tries so hard to be the man his dad would be proud of. He spends a lot of time in David’s garage, using his tools and even though he doesn’t live here, he has made it his own. David was always pottering about in the garage and I can still hear the gravel beneath his feet as he walked back up to the house.

I knew you and some others would understand ‘Grief Pride’ but to be honest I was a bit concerned some might find it upsetting and somewhat odd. However, not so as some very good comments. It’s good to realise how much understanding there is on this forum.

Much love xx

4 Likes

Dear Kate,

Like you say, as long as we speak our lost loved ones name they are still alive and with us. Life is now not what I expected or wanted but it is a life I have been left with so I owe it to my Peter to do the best I can and live the life he has never had the chance to live, all Peter ever wanted was his home and family, we have visited so many different countries over the years but if it hadn’t been for me wanting a holiday, Peter would have stayed at home so our home is still our home, Peter is still all around me, in the garden in every single room. I still, after seven years without Peter, expect to see him sitting on the sofa or walking through the door. When I have a hammer and nails in my hand to do a job I expect to hear his voice asking me what I am going to do with them and to leave it as he will do it later.

Gosh it will never stop hurting.

Love
Sheila.x

3 Likes

Hi Shelia, your words could be mine. I will never stop missing him, it’s been almost 12 years now. I do live my life for him and because of him.
Just lost my mom too, so hope they are together.
Xx

3 Likes

Hi Dol, you are an inspiration, to us , 12 years on, yeah you miss him, but you got through sorry to hear, your mum has passed, and yeah they are together now. Xx

1 Like

My husband passed away 22nd January with COVID-19 its been 6 months and I miss him so much ,the ache in my heart is unbearable :broken_heart:. But I do understand where you are coming from .I feel his love and him around me I look at my 2 daughters and he is in them.but the sadness I feel and the longing for him to be here is just so overwhelming :broken_heart:

3 Likes

I totally agree with your beautiful sentiments, grief to me is a badge of honour to the beautiful soul who made my life so unbelievable happy and contented, for 45 yrs.
Our love will never die I won’t allow it Every single day and night I kiss my husbands photo and urn, tell him I love him forever, every aspect of my waking day he is with me, I talk to him tell him what’s happening within our huge family, My man was too precious, too greatly loved by so many, he will always be with myself and our family.
He taught our children and grandchildren to appreciate life, and people, he instilled his beliefs into them to always respect admire and appreciate everyone regardless of colour or position. Today our family have grown sharing their beliefs with their own children. He left a huge legacy to us all .
So 8 yrs and five months later, yes I still grieve my darling man, I always will until we are united.
To those of you in the early stages of grief, be strong be patient it will one day get just that little bit easier to bear, one day the sun will shine again for you, the birds will sing and you will open your hearts to allow your beautiful memories to nourish and sustain you in your grief.

5 Likes

Dear PatS,

Yes so very true, it is seven years for me without my beloved husband of 47 years, we were together 50 years. Today I was playing our 60’s music and I just felt overwhelmed with sadness.
We grew old together from being teenagers when we met at the Mecca Locarno dance hall in 1964.

I miss him so much.

3 Likes

Hello
I have just read this and can totally relate to what you have written. My husband passed away two and a half years ago.
Sarah

3 Likes

Hello PatS, thank you for your post and your understanding of my sentiments.

one day the sun will shine again for you, the birds will sing and you will open your hearts to allow your beautiful memories to nourish and sustain you in your grief.’

What truly beautiful words you write, just beautiful. Thank you so much. xx

3 Likes

Hi Sarah6, I’m sorry for your loss. No matter how long it’s been we still miss our loved ones, don’t we? We move on with our grief but it never leaves us. As PatS said, our beautiful memories ‘nourish and sustain us’. Our love continues to grow and that’s how we manage to go forward.

I hope some of the words used in these posts can help those who are recently bereaved. Life can never be the same but we can know a certain contentment. xx

2 Likes

Yes Crazy_Kate, PatS words were so true as well. I know my husband had such enthusiasm for life and I take my inspiration from him. He will always be in my heart and mind.

2 Likes

Wow! That’s exactly how I feel but I’m not as eloquent and you, Crazy_Kate
What beautiful words. Do you mind if I borrow what you’d said to explain to some friends how I feel? I won’t claim them as my own words, obviously.
Just perfect! :pray:t3::heart:

2 Likes
Back to top