Hi Mollymay321 - I lost my husband in August 2021 to cancer so I totally understand & empathise with your comments. Watching my poor, big, strong husband reduced to nothing was horrific, the worst things I have ever witnessed. It actually physically hurt to look at him when he was not dressed. I still feel like someone ripped out my heart, I will never get over losing him. Still love him so much it hurts & always will. 
xx
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You asked me to let you know how the day went. Yesterday we said goodbye to him in a small lodge in the woods overlooking the downs. It was a beautiful service. Non religious with lots of music and some meaningful poetry. The day could not have gone better - apart from the weather. He was with us for the service and private farewells. Then they took him away. Watching him go was one of the hardest things of my life. Watching the clock this morning for the time of his scheduled cremation was just as hard.
I now face a totally empty diary. Everything we had planned together was cancelled when he became very ill. He made me promise to do things we planned without him but I can’t think about that yet.
I have people around me but I really want them all to go. I just want to be silent. I want to sleep. I want to wake up afterwards from this bad dream. I just don’t want it to be real; to be my new lonely life; to exist without him.
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Louise 1951
I’m delighted that your special day went so well.
I do understand your pain fully as I’m going through that same pain and everyone in the community feels that pain too.
Maybe a visit to your GP is what you really need.
Living life on your own for the first time in years is so lonely and scary, because life without a partner is shit, please take care Louise everyone in the community has your back.
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