Grieving in a state of lockdown

Hello everybody my name is Gary.
I joined this site back in early December last year shortly after my wife passed away after a short battle with bowel cancer. I was never one for talking about my feelings and emotions and usually I would just read everyone’s posts and comments to see if I could come to some sort of understanding And guidance through this process. Anyway since Tracey’s death I was trying to keep myself occupied by any means necessary. I only took a short bereavement leave from work as I had a lot of time off leading up to her passing and whenever my friends and family suggested an outing I would immediately say yes as it kept me out the house and busy. Now that privilege has been suspended I find my self struggling to come to terms with things. It’s made me realise how much human contact is important through the grieving process. I think I was putting on a brave face when I was out and about so people think I was coping well and I was strong and I could get through this but now I’m alone the case is totally different. Part of me feels guilty for getting on with things quicker than most would in my situation and in other parts I think this maybe necessary to try to accept the fact she’s gone but so far I can’t. Now I know everyone’s journey is different but I wouldn’t mind getting some advice and guidance on how other people are coping in these difficult times.

Hi Gary, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Steph. I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your lovely wife. I joined the site in November after losing my wonderful Dad to a sudden heart attack at home. I found him and he was everything to me. Unlike you, I couldn’t face getting back to normal and hadn’t been back to work. I was due back the week of the outbreak so now god knows when I’ll be back to a routine. This has been terrible for me. I just can’t come to terms with it, I don’t understand how anyone could. I miss the possibility of things, and even just having the option of doing things. I’d just started going out for the odd meal, or drive around with my friends and loved it. It’s scary to think what’ll happen afterwards. I sit and wonder what my Dad would say about it all. I am glad he doesn’t need to worry about it.
I hope you take comfort from the site, you’re not alone.

Take care x

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sorry for the loss of your wife and that the lockdown as affected your ability to mix with people.sadly im one of the few who as been nigh on self isolating since losing my soulmate Jayne.ive never been lonely or in need of contact from other,i just miss Jayne and every thing about her ,im just existing and scraping through each day,only real inconvenience is the inability to get bread or toilet roll,or a delivery from any online supermarkets .luckily thats just changed as I managed get some bread this evening at 9,30pm from Tesco express.hope you and every one finding it lonely manage to find ways to cope.
regards ian

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I lost my mum on Sunday 05.04.20 so still raw. I havent slept since the call at 5am . It is suspected Covid 19 but as no medics attended there is no cause of death yet. I was not aware she was ill.

Being in lockdown and in a different country, although still in the UK I’m scared that I wont get to a funeral. Even then it will only be immediate estranged family of social distancing with no chance to give any comfort.

I was due into work today and as a cotract worker without pay when I’m off I’m worried that I will lose my job.

I am not coping. Veering from waves of numbness to weeping uncontrollably. I feel anxious, fidgety, overwhelming sadness, pain and worry

Hi @Noo, I’m so sorry to hear that you have just lost your mum to suspected Covid 19. Your grief is so recent and raw, and it is completely normal to be not coping and to feel that your emotions are all over the place. The fact that the loss is part of this ongoing crisis, and that social distancing will affect the funeral will be added factors that can make things even harder.

It’s really important to have some support and outlets for your feelings, so I’m really glad that you’e found this site. All of our users have been bereaved and will understand some of what you are going through. As well as replying to conversations started by others, when you feel ready, you may find it helpful to start a new conversation in the Losing a Parent category, to find others who have lost their mum or dad.

For example, a user called @Struggling lost their dad very recently and is also facing restrictions on the funeral due to the lockdown: How do I get through this

Cruse Bereavement have some online resources about Coronavirus and grief, which you might find helpful: https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-help/coronavirus-dealing-bereavement-and-grief

Hi so sorry for your loss I had to reply as I lost my lovely mum yesterday at 11:45 am and I feel like I’m in physical pain. The lockdown meant that I couldn’t be with her over the last two weeks when she was still her normal self. I have been with her since Thursday but only managed one “normal” chat with her before she had to be put on morphine. The only image I have now is of her last moments in the hospital bed and although the hospital staff were wonderful all she wanted was to die at home and I feel so guilty that I couldn’t sort that out for her.

I can’t imagine having to worry about work and income on top of this and my heart goes out to you. Hope you get the time to grieve properly xx

Oh Jus. I am so sorry. It is just so awful isn’t it? Loss is so overwhelming at the best of times without the addition of restrictions on our need for human contact and care. Despite everything they knew and know we loved and love them deeply. These choices were not ours and we will be able to mourn and celebrate in the future.

Until then my virtual hugs xxx

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I’m so sorry about your sudden bereavements of your mum’s, when my mum passed away, I still had my dad and my wonderful husband, sadly my dad passed away 3 months after my mum, I. never had time to grieve for my mum I just got on with it, with my husband support, sadly he passed away a few weeks ago, yes he’d been ill with a broken back, but up until he was taken to hospital he was ok, I managed the funeral just before self isolating and because I’m I’ll myself it will be months before I can have real contact with anyone, I can honestly say this has been the worst time of my life, I miss my darling Tweet so much, but we have to stay strong, think what your loved ones would say, they want you to stay safe and remember the happy memories you had with them x

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To all of you, who have just joined this wonderful site, I send my deepest sympathy. I am so sorry that all of you are going through such a bad time, I am housebound so being in lock down is a situation made easier for such as myself. It does not stop me feeling so sad for all of you.
Take care,
Blessings,
MaryL

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Hello Noo
Sincere Condolences to you & the Family. I feel your Pain our Brother passed away on 16.4.2020.I he had health issues diabetes type 2,hypertension, chronic liver disease. He was okay before Coronavirus managing.
Unfortunately he developed symptoms of cough, sore throat & passed away from suspected covid they said .We did not see him :disappointed_relieved:But we was able to attend his funeral.
Hope you was able to attend Mums funeral,Video.We reminisce every day.
Its so hard we have to stay Positive .
Stay Safe
God Bless

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