How do I get through this

I lost my lovely dad 2 1/2 weeks ago due to cancer resulting in renal failure. Been trying to arrange the funeral and honour his final wishes, one of which is to be brought home to his childhood home where he spent the vast majority of his life. Not been coping too well. Now due to these restrictions put in place, we can’t have flowers as yellow apparently is too specific, no cars to take family to service, the service has been shortened to a mere 35 minutes and the final thing is dad can’t come home. Heartbroken. How do I get pass this. How do I convince myself this is ok when it feels anything but.

Dear Struggling,
So sorry to read about the loss of your dad, and on top of that the problems to honour his final wishes. I’m sure you have done all you can, and it is not your fault that you cannot do things the way you wanted to do for him. Maybe when all the restrictions are over, you can have another service? For now, just try to look after yourself and take 1 day at a time. It is good that you have come to this online community. Wished there was more I could do for you. Just sending a big virtual hug your way for now.

Hi, my heart goes out to you, when someone we love leaves us we want to do our best to carry out their personal wishes but please don’t think he would be cross with you because I am sure he would understand due to the present restrictions. I am sure if you could take a deep breath and not worry for a short time you would find the right answer as to how you can deal with his wishes. The service can seem so important but honestly there is so many other things about your dads life that in the coming weeks you will think about and make todays worries won’t seem so important, well that is what happened to me. The funeral day was just horrible because that was to me the end but in reality it wasn’t. Each anniversary I go to where I scattered the ashes and that means more to me than any service. I hope this helps a little because I know just how bad things are and with the ongoing problems things are not going to get any easier. Please look after yourself and please don’t be hard on yourself, your dad would understand, he really would. Take that breath and just think of him and see what comes. The answers are there but we need to ask. Take care and I am sending you my blessings. S

I am so sorry you can not have the funeral. It’s heartbreaking xxx

Dear Struggling
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your dad. Lets us hope that Covid-19 clears up soon and you could maybe think about having a memorial service so all your family and friends can attend. This lockdown has hit everyone so hard but at a time like this when you need all your friends and family around close to you it is doubly stressful. Try to take each day as it comes I know easier said than done and but kind to yourself. I hope that those you are close to are in constant contact with you just now. I lost my Mom seven years ago and my Dad died when I was seventeen and I really thought I would never survive but I did as those you love never really leave you just in the physical sense. You will get through this in time it is all too raw just now. Please take care sending you love and hugs

Thank-you so much for your replies, it’s a lifeline at this time. Not bringing dad home really was the final straw and breaking the news to my sister devastating. I decided to challenge it as circumstances were that with a bit of adjustment we could do it whilst adhering to government restrictions. It’s been a massive battle but a compromise has eventually been reached whereby dad can come home. I am so grateful for this and now things are almost organised as far as can be in current times I feel those waves of emotions getting stronger like I’m near the time there is no distraction from facing that reality that I can’t see him again. I have been so very focused on the funeral I look forward to the time I can remember his life not just his passing. My heart goes out to each and everyone of you as though I have lost before this is a whole different level, one i know sadly you all know only too well x

That is great news that you can bring your dad home. Remembering the good times with him will help you get through through this and we are all here to offer you support. Stay safe and take care
Sending you lots of love and hugs

I am so pleased that things are beginning to have a little ‘love and compassion’ injected into what is a really dreadful time. What a strong lady you are for fighting for what both you and your dad wanted, well done you. Please remember to look after yourself because your immune system will be a bit lower with all this upheaval and you don’t want to catch anything. Plenty of rest and good food and if you can a short walk in the country side. Take extra care.
Blessings S

Hi carol, nice for you to join the site, take care. S

Hi Susie123

Thank you. We all need to try and help each other when we can. A friend of mine joined the site a while ago when she was having a very hard time coping with her death of her husband. It does help talking to others as sometimes even if you have close friends and family they do not always understand how bad you feel inside.

Stay safe and take care too.