My Father passed away last year. My mother had broken up with him when I was a baby due to his drug addiction, I didn’t see much of him, occasional visits and birthday parties but they grew rarer until I stopped seeing him or even receiving birthday cards. I worked through my sadness and anger as a teenager, and was hoping to be in a good mental space to meet with him and get closure. But he passed before I was able to reach out.
He had got married and had two more children and the funeral was incredibly uncomfortable as I was clearly unwanted there and was in no way acknowledged as a part of his life.
It feels so hard to grieve someone I didn’t really know but who had such a huge impact on my life, I’ll never have my questions answered or get a chance to know him, I wanted to meet him properly as an adult.
I have missed him since I was a child and now it feels like I’ll miss him all my life.