Grieving widow

Hello everyone, I am still struggling to even survive. I lost my husband 6 months ago. I am 66 he was 60 & would be 61 now. Most days I just don’t even want to get up as there seems no point to anything now. I am retired & my husband only worked p/t. We had just planned our next stage in life together when covid stopped everything. Then he became ill, he needed a liver transplant but they decided he could not have one so very quickly died. I am devastated. I cannot get energy or motivation to do anything any more. Do others out there feel the same? It would be good if there were meet up groups for people like us. Everyone on here seems so far away. Is there any one out there near Newbury. It would be nice to to talk to people closer & perhaps get a group together of people who understand each other. Unless you lost Husband/Wife/Partner it is impossible to know how we feel. We need each other as only those experiencing the same as us understand. There must be others out there that feel like me??

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Hi
Very sorry for your loss it’s 16 months since I lost my husband to cancer in the 1st lockdown could not be operated on so died of bowel cancer. I’m further in but seems like yesterday you do learn to move forward we have no choice at times we don’t want to go on without them family keep me going. It took 13 months for me to start really functioning again but our lives are not the same and the waves hit hard. Take it day by day. Not close by to meet up but please message if you need to talk take care of yourself
Kim x

Thank you Kim, it is very hard.
It helps being told by others That it will I will learn to live with it.

Hi Diane

I have thought the same thing, it would be good to meet up in a group. I live in Greater Manchester area and googled groups but couldn’t find anything here to join. I asked my neighbour he has been widowed for 10 years, he said he found lots in his position at a walking group. He was able to talk things through while walking and never needed counselling. I get the not getting out of bed, it’s just easier to stay there. I stopped doing that as I could see it was not helping so I set myself goals in the day or over the week. It wasn’t enjoyable but I did feel some gratification after. I am 9 months on this wicked journey, and I am not sure how I have got here, but it has got a little easier. It’s the loneliness that hits. You can message me whenever you want, I am happy to chat.

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Hi Kim - You say it took 13 months before you started functioning properly. I am really interested to know how you came through it, what changes you made to move forward.?

Hi Viv
I hit rock bottom after Mick died I did not want to be here. At first we’re on auto pilot paperwork sorting out affairs etc. After a few months I really went downhill not eating sleeping could not focus on anything just wanted my husband. My son and daughter were really worried my son phoned our GP whom phoned me every week for 6 weeks prescribed sleeping tablets I was exhausted. I accepted counselling as well. I thought been a nurse I could get through it without help I was so wrong. I think what really hit me was I couldn’t even be bothered with my 3 year old granddaughter how bad was that. So I accepted all the help from my doctor and also realised my children had lost there dad and I wasn’t supportive towards them. Lockdown didn’t help but I forced myself to walk the dog. I went back to work 13 months later I should have gone back earlier. It’s still hard I still have a lot of meltdowns but I know I can’t have Mick back I think it is accepting his not coming back. Take care and very sorry for your loss xx

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Hi Kim - You really did hit rock bottom, I am glad you out of that place. It’s the accepting that the hard bit and the loneliness, look after yourself x

Hi Viv I am in walking group but not very big now & no widows . Thankyou for your answer.

Hi Viv.
I read that you would be interested in joining a group in Greater Manchester.
We have already formed a meet up group on here and have met in Manchester and Golborne. Unfortunately I am having problems with my mail in contacting other members at the moment but as soon as sorted I would be pleased to get back to you re the next meet up.
Please private message me if you can and if you could leave your telephone number that would help greatly.
I live in Leigh so our last meeting was in Golborne. I hope this helps.

Dear @Kim5
Like you saying you didn’t want to be here without your Mick, I still don’t want to be here without my husband & it’s been 8 months.
What you said about not being able to be bothered with your granddaughter made me cry. We used to watch our wee precious every Friday & after my husband died I looked at her & could feel nothing.
Previously I could have inhaled her, held her so tight, loved & laughed & cared for her so much. We had so much fun together the three of us. She won’t know him like her brother & mother did, he was such huge influence on them.
The power & cruelty of grief that takes such a precious person, then takes so much more of your life away & keeps coming back for more. I know I love that child, would give up my own life for her, but need that love to come back to me, it’s just so unbelievably cruel.

Hi
It’s awful isn’t it feeling like that really that’s the reason I had to pick myself up. Mick adored our granddaughter and she still speaks about him always calling him Grampy Mick she is now 3 and a half I feel better now just feel guilty for that to happen and feel that way.
Take care x

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You are so lucky Viv. I am trying to find people near Newbury Berks to form a meetup group. Not had any response so far. SO ANYONE OUT THERE INTERESTED? private message me please

Hi Angie - Yes that would be good, I live in Altrincham, but I used to work in Leigh (lord street) some years ago. I will private message you Thanks again x.

Hi Viv.
On your message the other day you said you live local to me. You’ve said you live in Altrincham which is only down the road.
I would be interested to meet in a group or just meeting for a coffee or walk and chat. I recently met a guy in the bank. It was a coincidence like me he was changing his bank details because his wife had just passed away. We’ve met a couple of times since for a walk and chat. It’s a breath of fresh air meeting someone who’s gone through the same thing. It’s helped both of us.
If you find anything on local groups or just want a chat then please private message me.
Take care
Gary

Hi Gary

Yes that would be good, not up for a long walk yet, done my tendon in on my foot, but could meet for a coffee or something. I am literally down the road from you in Timperley. One of the girls on here has said there is a support group in Leigh. There is nothing round here, but I suppose we could create our own. I will PM you, there will be lots of people round here in the same boat.

Hi Viv

Sounds good. I look forward to hearing from you. We can meet for a coffee. I spend half my life in coffee shops.

Hello - I post very little on this site these days . I lost my wonderful husband in 2019 and made some good friends on this site . We are all now members of Wayup which is specifically for people who have lost their partners . The members arrange walks, lunches and even holidays - and also through this lockdown and even now zoom groups - where we meet up and talk on line. I know there is a lot that goes on - especially round the Manchester area . I know these people have kept me going over the last 18 months or so .

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Thanks Trish that sounds great. I will look it up.

Wow you are all so lucky finding people to walk &talk & have coffee with. I wish you all well

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Hi Viv. I have been in touch with The lady who organised the last meet up and hopefully something will be organised soon. If nothing materialises I would be prepared to meet you somewhere for company and a chat. Look forward to your private message.xxx

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