Hi. I lost my nana I was sooo close to on 23rd August, it’s coming up 7 weeks on Saturday and I’m still not eating or sleeping properly. She was in hospital 16th July - 14th August. But we as family feel she should never of been discharged. She passed away of heart failure and sepsis, she died peacefully surrounded by her only son and grandkids. So she was happpy but I am not, she stil wanted to live. She lied to get out of hospital as she was sick of it:cry:, she was admitted with fluid on the brain. She already had heart problem. Got rid of that then her heart got bad so she gotta new heart valve fitted on 29th July. That bought her more time with us. Fast forward to being discharged on 14th August… me and my sister was her carer for the long agonising week before she passed away 23rd August. She just wasn’t the same. Her legs ended up with the fluid in instead of her brain. So water constantly coming out. Not allowed stockings on. Had to care for her. Didn’t know when she needed toilet. It all just went wrong since being discharged. We rang ambulance on the Friday 22nd August because Thursday 21st she came up with symptoms of slurring words couldn’t talk, couldn’t feel anything she held, slavering out her drink. Couldn’t eat, so we said that’s it need to go back in. She begged us to leave her in her chair but we just couldn’t 
, she died 9:25am Saturday 23rd after being told Friday night to prepare for the worst . But I can’t help keep blaming myself for the what ifs. What if I took her back in the Thursday she had the symptoms first. Could she of been saved. What if my uncle didn’t drop her the Wednesday before the symptoms came up from her. What if she didn’t get septic shock. I blame myself and it’s tearing me apart 
I’m so sorry for the loss of your nana, @Laurenm94x - I can hear your love for her. Thank you for so bravely reaching out here.
I just want you to know that you’re not alone with these, “what if?” feelings. It’s really normal to feel this way, though I know how painful it is. There’s a conversation here which it might help to read:
You may also find these Sue Ryder resources helpful right now.
-
Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
-
Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through
If you think some extra support could be helpful, it might also be a good idea to have a chat with your GP.
I’m sure someone will be along to share their thoughts, too. Keep reaching out and take care 
Hi Lauren.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you really did everything you could to try and save her. She knew how much you loved her. I lost my grandma recently October 17 and the love you have yours sounds exactly like the love I have for mine. I also blame myself: haven’t been able to eat or sleep either. Wondering if you’ve had better days. I pray for you and pray for us both. Life can be so cruel sometimes and the emotions are just overwhelming. I tell myself “she was ready for peace” even if she mentally wasn’t and that helps me find a conclusion for all of this. The rest of the time my hearts broken. I’m here anytime you want to talk or let your feelings out xxx
Kate
Thankyou so much! It really is truly hard but I pray we can live without those bad moments soon xx