Does anyone else feel guilty for still being here, I know it sounds crazy but I feel guilt because I’m still existing in this life when my partner has gone?
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So do I. When my grandchildren come I feel so guilty that he isnt here to see them grow up and experience every thing they say or do. He loved them so much and they loved him they miss him so much .
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Yes. Very much so.
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I can’t say I feel guilty for still being here because I feel like I would rather have been the one to go 
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Did … but no.
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I also feel sad that he worked so hard, did so much overtime and saved as much as possible so that we had a home to call our own (I worked equally as much overtime and saved equally as much). He always said he didn’t want to live to be really old but he’d like five years after retirement so that he could take it easy and travel and enjoy life without worrying about work. I’m gutted he didn’t get to have that because he truly deserved it 
He deserved so much more than this
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Hi Emz,
Yes. Guilty for carrying on my life without my wife.
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Guilty? Yes, but not for outliving my wife, I wouldn’t have wished her, the pain I feel, she was much too kind and loving a person for that.
I feel guilty because, I should have told her more often how much she was loved and valued. I should have made more of an effort to do the things she enjoyed doing: although she never complained and I should have encouraged her to be bolder and more adventurous.
She had an inner spirit that never had a chance to express itself and I regret that I never helped her to set it free.
I think guilt is a common feeling connected to bereavement and it’s all too easy to find things to feed that emotion.
We can’t change anything and although it’s easily said, we need to stop beating ourselves up over regrets.
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Yes, I feel this way all the time.
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Hello @Emz - I know exactly what you mean. I felt guilty because Tom died and I didn’t. He went to hospital in August 2021 and did not come home - he died in January 2022. I am feeling less bad about being here now and know that Tom would want me to go and there and live. For me, the weird thought is - what would he say or think, if he walked through the door right now. You know, I think he would be proud of me for getting this far and I am sure your partner would feel the same about you. You can’t help being the one that remains, my friend, none of us can. All we can do is our best each day and sometimes we will do well and other times we won’t. We will fall, wobble, cry, retreat. And then we will take the next step, and the next. The key to this is to be gentle on ourselves. Hold tight, we will be ok x
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Yes it is very hard. I know she would be screaming at me now say to be so stupid & think things like that but she made are life for us & the thought that she isn’t reaping the benefits is killing me. Thanks everyone for your replies.
Peace & love to you all on this very hard journey 
xx:heart:
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Morning All
Yes I feel everything everyone has said
And yes Paul also paid into his private pension for our retirement and he isn’t here to enjoy it
Never got the chance to retire
We will never ever enjoy his retirement and he worked so hard all of his life
I just cry all the time. 35 weeks last night Paul passed away
Like you all my life ended
I can hear Paul saying come on Sylv get a grip
Far easier said than done
My heart is truly utterly broken
Love to all
Xx
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I absolutely share your feelings of guilt about how I should have done more for, and said more to, my wife before she died. However, I do note that this is a common reaction to loss so, perhaps, we shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves?
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Hi John B
I agree with you but……. It’s easier said than done isn’t it?
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Yes, you are absolutely right.
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I have said in other posts I feel guilty if I have a day when I don’t cry! The first time it happened it made me think that perhaps I didn’t love him as much as I thought I did. That felt truly awful and still does. Even now, when I feel as if I’m doing ok, that thought haunts me. Luckily I have a daughter to talk some sense in to me who said that she’d never seen two people as obviously in love as we were.
I need not feel guilty today though as I’ve had two grief ambushes. The first in the garden sitting looking at the view and missing him beside me. The second was when I couldn’t find my phone I rang it from the landline. The next time I opened my phone it said I had a missed call from him. That was such a shock the tears came immediately!
Hugs to all of us guilty people
Karen xxx
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Hi Karen
Life goes on I suppose
I’m just functioning doing the stuff I have to
I cut our grass at the road end and down both sides of our road today
Came in and absolutely cried buckets ……it looked so tidy but Paul won’t be coming in from work and so won’t tell me it looks tidy
Grass after first cut always looks ‘smart’
I’m not enjoying days I’m surviving them which my counsellor is pleased about
Sunny days are just hellish
Paul loved the spring summer and like you we will never wander and admire our view
I so miss him
Live and hugs to all functioning and yes guilty
Xx
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Similar - barely functioning. Just putting on a show for others. In reality I am bereft and do not believe I will ever recover.
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Take each day as it comes. Im taking a walk to a place me and my late wife use to visit- hard, but i will feel that bit closer.
Take care
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Guilt yes, for various things. Initially, for living. Then guilt for having a go at him for dying and leaving me. Then guilt for being in a position financially that he worked so hard to achieve but won’t benefit from. Guilty if I don’t cry much , guilt for seeing friends because he can’t. Guilt for not appreciating the life I still get to live etc etc.
Jeez these emotions are draining aren’t they.
I do know that if it was the other way round, I would want Rich to live his life, find someone else to love and enjoy his life. I wouldn’t want him to suffer and be miserable because it wasn’t in his nature. I did tell him this too. However I don’t remember what he told me to do 
.I know he would want me to be happy because he spent our entire relationship doing just that, making sure I was happy!
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