Hello,
I’m 49 and lost my wife, my soul mate three years ago to Covid. Even now I am still struggling with loosing her. You see Nikki ( my wife) was my first in everything. Especially the first person to show me love and to love me for who I am. The Hardest part for me is the loneliness at night, I still wake up throughout the night to check if she is still breathing and that is when the tears start again as I realise I will never see her laying next to me again!
Hello Lonelywidower, I also lost my husband recently to Covid, which he caught in hospital (he went in for something else). I have thought a lot about those who lost loved ones at the beginning and at the height of the pandemic. My heart goes out to you. I think we all have certain times of the day or night when we feel this lonliness most keenly. Mine is 9pm. It became an unwritten rule that we sat down and watched something together on the TV for 2 or 3 hours after the activity of the day and dinner. I never used to go to bed before 1. Now I go more like 8pm. I’m just glad another day is over and I don’t want to be sitting alone in our living room in the evenings. I’m sorry to hear you wake up in this way. I’m lucky, mostly I sleep all night. Sometimes get up for a couple of hours in the wee small hours, so as not to lie thinking. Or the radio helps (timed to switch off).
Yeh me too … i find it really hard not seeing my husband in the morning too 
not seeing his lovely face 
i miss that lovely face so much ! Its not fair ! Im really angry still ! I actually would like to punch somebody sometimes ! Im not even normally that person but this has made me like that xxx god bless xxx
Angelina, that was the same as my wife, she can’t it in hospital after being transferred from the original hospital. Worst thing was, the hospital lied, only have her Morphine to ease her pain. Refused to treat her Covid! Then had the pals office lie to me telling me she was improving when in fact she was dying slowly
Deb, I fully understand that anger! I had that but it turned into severe depression that has stopped me leaving the house. Only time I have left the house was being rushed into hospital last year with 2 minor heart attacks
Aw thats sad you cant leave the house ? How do you go on with your shopping then ? Try and at least go for a little walk to get bit of fresh air … at a time when theres not a lot of people about ? Worth a try ? Will do you good some fresh air 
xxxx
My sons do it for me, if it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t be here now
Aw bless you take care of yourself and glad you can at least talk to people on here xx x
I hardly go out. I have my shopping delivered. People tell me to get out. I try. I know it does me good. I try to go to the supermarket for just a couple of things when I feel up to it, just for the sake of getting out. I’m chatty and cheerful with the checkout people. It does at least feel nice. I have visited a friend, who has been a true friend to me over the years through all sorts, but I have taken for granted. Long overdue visit. I sit for 20 mins a couple of times a day and throw the ball for the dog, she hardly ever tires of this. I count that as going out. Anything out of the house is good.
So sorry we are all this group although it’s been my saviour at times .
Me & Bry were like that . Our lives were pretty hectic with work , looking after my mum , so it was often 9-9.30 before we sat down to cuddle & watch tv, so like you we were night owls & that’s the bit I struggle with now , as-well, of course just the thought he’s never coming back 
Today I’ve been to see my mum in the care home with my friend & popped to a shop.
I have put my new furniture in the garden that’s been stuck in the house for 3 months. I know Bry would be proud of me trying to keep the garden nice but now I’m so sad as I look at it and think ‘ he’s never going to sit there in the summer evenings with a drink
Literally still, the only way I get through each day is thinking , I could be gone tomorrow & be back with him 
It’s 8 weeks on Wednesday for me , it seems like yesterday that I found him but like a lifetime ago that I’ve not seen him or giggled with him .
I try to block it out at times & pretend he’s just at work, it doesn’t last though & is probably not a healthy way to deal with it
Sending hugs to you both xx
i know … its awful isnt it honey … ! Im keeping my husbands allotment going for him, in his memory and a guy i not seen for ages didnt know about my husband and asked where he was !! omg saying the words hes died nearly killed me it still seems so strange and surreal to me reason not seen this guy recently though was cos he lost his dad in september he said … so hes been through it too xx
Hi Deb
So pleased to see you are keeping on your allotment. We had an allotment each and when my husband died I was allowed to keep his as well. A lot of work but I am managing to cope and it has become a lifesaver. Gives me something to focus on and nice people who come for a chat.
I had the same experience as you. A member who left and then came back came to see me and asked “Where’s the old man then, have you left him at home or is he hiding” I managed to get through it as he didn’t know but it is hard.
xxx
It’s most definitely the most DIFFICULT thing I’ve ever been through and that says a lot as when I list my Dad , that was bad enough
Oh bless I know , those words are haunting. I had to do it with the bank the other day then felt guilty as I hadn’t broken down in the call 
Xxx
Yeh i lost my step mum 4 years ago and i thought i was upset then - but this is a different level isnt it xx
It certainly is hard to say those words … its feels like an out of body experience because i dont want them to be true yeh im planting some seeds my darling husband picked last year and never got chance to plant im just doing a bit at a time cos its hard for me still but at least im doing something and its very peaceful down there x
Yeh day at a time xx
I’m so sorry to read about your loss and your pain.
My husband died 7 months ago and today it’s really hard, I really relate to all you have said. I miss my nightly chats and hugs and the waking up alone and remembering is sad every day.
There’s still good things but some days are harder than others aren’t they.
@Widower2022 im so sorry for your loss, I really wish there was something I could say to make things better, but no matter what people say it doesn’t make it easier. Just wish time would hurry up and ease the pain x