If you dont me asking who is your counselling with.
Hi so I am seeing a woman in Edinburgh called Stephanie Hannah. She does zoom sessions as well. https://www.stephaniehannacounselling.com/
What is she like if you dont mind me asking. My oldest son is just back as he has been on my behalf to begin arrangements for funeral for when we get notified they have released marks body 
Sheās nice, understanding. To be honest I do most of the talking! But she helps me to try to deal with the guilt and put things in perspective. I think I read on her site that she can do an initial consultation for free to check if itās a good fit for you. Iāve only had 2 sessions so far. Thereās a lot to think about and do before the funeral so I was glad I started it after the funeral but thereās no right or wrong time. Some people wait for a few months. I had intense feelings that it was my fault and it was unbearable which is why I was keen to start.
Iām glad you have your son home for a bit of support. Itās horrible waiting and the post mortem can take several days. Itās good that he can take that on to help a bit. Xx
Id be lost withoit him and he dealt with everything after my husband. Its food ro speak to you about the counsellor you use and im thinking at some point i may use her. I was goinf to use cruse last time and it was arranged and i bottled out and went on medication plus i moved house and that helped plus i had my daughter and family as we all lived together up until i met mark almost 4 year ago. I had a neighbour ans her 3 daughters at the hoise tonight and they had bought me a necklace with a poem about angels and robins well that turned me in to a sobbing mess at there compassion 
x
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Hey,
I am so sorry for your loss. My partner also died by suicide last weekā¦. Iām new to this so not sure how to private message yet. Message me if you wish to talk x
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Iām so sorry for your loss.My partner passed away three years ago from cancer but the method of their passing is immaterial ,theyāve gone and thats what this group is for, to say what you feel ,to rant if you want to ,to get angry if it helps because youāre talking to people that understand.
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Itās something to think about, and Iām sure you can contact Cruse again too, if you felt that might be better. At least you know that the option is there when youāre ready. Thatās so lovely of your neighbours 
I was overwhelmed to say the least, dont know about you but im exhausted mentally and physically with it all, i sometimes sit try and blank it all out and pretend that he just left me , i k ow he wouldnt have but its like im trying to block out the reality xx
Hi i did send a private message to you well im hoping you got it as im still trting to figure out the site x
It is exhausting, and you likely need more rest than usual. Itās been 8 weeks, I am able to have some other thoughts now that arenāt just about what happened and everything around that. Though it does still dominate my mind. I pretend to myself that we got back together and I got him some medical help when he needed it! It makes me feel ok for a bit. I think itās so much to deal with, I create a fantasy I dip into now and then like heās still alive and we managed to sort things out and we can live happily ever after, for me it is a way to feel ok in a terrible situation. The reality is just so brutal. There was a couple of days after the funeral where I felt kinda normal (ish) and I thought wow, is that it? Am I over it now the funerals past, I felt a bit guilty and relieved. But no it wasnāt it! I think some days might feel a bit better than others and your mind and body probably need that, and itās ok. Also itās so soon for you, and with the nature of his death, itās going to be really hard for a while. Iām glad you have good people around you. Xx
Im terrified of being on my own as after break ups always had the kids , after johnny had my son thrn we moved to bigger house with daughter and grandkids this time it will be me and mia out wee dog, the thought of when i go back to work and coming home to just mia terrifys me and that sends my and heart racing. I dont want any of them feeling they need to stay when actually they want back to their normal days if that makes sense
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Yeah I understand and they will go back to a more normal way of life but theyāll still want o be there for you, so maybe you donāt always have to go back to an empty home, maybe you can organise a bit of company through friends and family and neighboursā¦theyāll want to support you too xx
I hope so i really do xx
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I dont know what will happen to be honest they all work and have their own routines etc. Do you have family at home with you x
MIamoo i dont have any family living with me, i truly understand your fears its awful, i have a little dog but they dont talk. Aak if you want a cuppa or say tgat tv programme was rubbish. I am truly deeading the dark nights. Seeing no one moving about outside for hrs. Xxx
I also dread the dark nights, itās only been 7 weeks for me but when I drew the curtains last night at just after 9 I started to worry about what it will be like when I need to shut them at 4 and itās too cold to go for a walk and get out of this now lonely house.
Perhaps by the I will be a bit better than I am now and this forbidden fear of the winter will not arise.
Can anyone else advise how they cope with winter??
Was it your partner you lost or someone else. It is so very daunting when you loose someone and especially a partner as you feel so alone, you feel overwhelmed, scared the emotions go in to over drive. Our dogs are a comfort but as you say they cabt talk to us etc. I have already been through this grief and now draling with it again and i feel like my body is going to explode because i do not know what to do anymore, my life has been destroyed yet again
Hi Steve,
I too am dreading winter and all things in between now and next spring,I have a few close family members,but friends have done a Paul Daniels,I guess itās just gonna be suck it and see.
Sending good wishes Ron.
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Its a dreadful feeling and it frightens me as well, i will at some ppint have to make the decision of going back to work but then its the thought of coming home just to my wee dog ,how are you coping.