Hi Jackie, I agree with Kate I also dreaded doing the things that Brian and I had done together. Just days after he died I went to our allotment. This was a place that meant so much to us and particularly Brian. He served on the committee a few times, he loved the people and his plot. I stood alone on a cold November day and stared around me. I felt his strength and knew that I wanted to keep it all going for his sake and even now I feel his presence and I am only helping him as I work on his plot. The one thing that I couldn’t bare was to give up his plot and see someone else working on it. So I work on the two plots and will continue to do this as long as I am capable. I also picked up on our walking, we was members of the ramblers and enjoyed walking together also. I take him with me as he asked me to do this just before he died. I carry his photo with me. Although I didn’t think it possible doing the things we both enjoyed does bring me some comfort although I have not wanted to go on holiday again without him, however this might be me as I’m a terrible traveller.
I have also wanted to move out of this house. It was Brian and his previous wife’s home and I never felt it was mine, now I can go but I am still here a year later. Why, I have no idea but it must give me some form of comfort.
So don’t give up on that dream of going home Jackie it might just bring you comfort that you never expected.