Health is number one...

Health is number one more than anything in this world…I am so angry, we work hard all through our employment years, yet when we reach retirement age, the right to enjoy it, one of us is taken…
and as for the other surviving partner, well our life too has ended…

Jackie…

Dear Jackie, I don’t consider that my life is ended, even though I am housebound, and like you have health problems I hope that I can continue to lead my life to the full. I know it is what my Stan would want me to do.
Blessings,
Mary x

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I agree Mary. although we could say our life has ended as we knew it but I still think I have a life as difficult as it is at the moment. Trying to make sense of everything is tiring but I still feel a determination to have a life of sorts. Brian will never be forgotten and will be with me every minute of every day and he lives within me. Life has become a challenge, a hard one but nevertheless a challenge. xxxx

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Thank you, dear Pat, I agree with you,
love
Mary x

Jackie and Mary you are both such brave women. You both have health problems and live alone, I feel you put many of us to shame. If I become depressed I can go out for a walk, do some gardening, go into town. You are courageous ladies.
Good luck to you.
Pat xx

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How do we even go to the places we once went to with our partners, ie: the Stately Homes which was part of our lives, it would be very hard even to go, be taken with someone else, it would only bring back the memorises of the many times we visited them with our partners, no life for us will-can never ever be the same again…there will now be many places we will stop ourselves from going to because it will tug at our heartstrings too much…

Jackie…

Hello Jackie. Grief is a strange thing. In the beginning I felt like you about visiting places my husband and I had been to together. But now I find I am drawn to those very places. They comfort me, they’re familiar and I love the happy memories. When I was in Windsor last summer, I went straight to a shop where my husband had bought me a little gift the last time we were there. Unfortunately the shop had closed down which left me feeling a little bereft. I found myself retracing the steps we had taken on our last visit and I felt my husband close by me, I felt so close to him :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:. For me, places such as Windsor are bittersweet but they have become a required taste so my plan is to visit more of the places we went together.
I hope you get to this place in your grief soon Jackie. Xx

Kate…

…At first when i lost my Richard i would never had been able to even imagine myself being back home in our village where we had set up home 18 years ago and only leaving behind three years ago, all the memories of the allotment where myself and our three dogs would pull in to get to him, and get a drink of water from the taps when they saw Richard inside through those gates and wire fencing where three dogs could see him and pull to reach him…Now all i can think of is getting back to that village…But hand on heart i would find this hard, and of course knowing someone else is living in the house we gave up, being so near yet so far…

Thank you, very much Pat, for the compliment. x x

Dear Jackie, of course you would find it hard, especially knowing somebody else is living in the home the two of you gave up. But if you could only get there I feel you would know great comfort. Surprisingly great comfort. I hope you manage it soon. Xx

Hi Jackie, I agree with Kate I also dreaded doing the things that Brian and I had done together. Just days after he died I went to our allotment. This was a place that meant so much to us and particularly Brian. He served on the committee a few times, he loved the people and his plot. I stood alone on a cold November day and stared around me. I felt his strength and knew that I wanted to keep it all going for his sake and even now I feel his presence and I am only helping him as I work on his plot. The one thing that I couldn’t bare was to give up his plot and see someone else working on it. So I work on the two plots and will continue to do this as long as I am capable. I also picked up on our walking, we was members of the ramblers and enjoyed walking together also. I take him with me as he asked me to do this just before he died. I carry his photo with me. Although I didn’t think it possible doing the things we both enjoyed does bring me some comfort although I have not wanted to go on holiday again without him, however this might be me as I’m a terrible traveller.
I have also wanted to move out of this house. It was Brian and his previous wife’s home and I never felt it was mine, now I can go but I am still here a year later. Why, I have no idea but it must give me some form of comfort.
So don’t give up on that dream of going home Jackie it might just bring you comfort that you never expected.
Pat xxx

I dont think this move will be happening any time yet as the garden does not belong to us we have to pay ground rent and I have had to notify our parkhome on site - manager that the log beams are collapsing and he has reported this to the onsite builders where this will be a big job which will mean two large digger machines ( just like they were in next doors a year or so ago, and not forgetting the noise ) digging up my whole garden and decking and putting in a new brick wall, which this will be a three week job or longer, i also have to have the outside painted by a specialist parkhome exterior paints only and any other exterior work that needs doing, this is a must and has to be carried out at our expense once every three years and it should have been done last year but my Richard died last year so it had to be bi-passed, so of course the external work needs to be done after the garden dig up…and my home is now on the for sale market…so i am not a happy bunny but it is another few things on my tick off list that needs rectifying…As my late father often would have said…" it never rains but it pours…"
At least i dont have to pay for the new brick wall…It is just bad timing…

Jackie…

Jackie love what a headache for you. Were non of this found when you purchased your home. It does seem so unfair and I have to agree with your dear Dad. What happens if you don’t have the money for all this work??? Will you be responsible for re-doing your garden. Surely with your illness you can’t be expected to cope with all this on your own. My heart goes out to you, I hope you get rid of the place soon and can move and have some peace.
Love Pat xxx

Dear Jackie,
Whatever next? I am very sorry that you are having to live through this nightmare.
I am thinking about you.
Love,
Mary x

The beams-planks or boulders as i call them have only recently been rotting and collapsing, i was thinking maybe an animal as we do get animals around here being open land for miles but parkhome manager says not…i could not leave it any longer in reporting this as it has happened quite recently mainly in one place only but as this runs from one end to the other it all has to be done…it is a big job and the builders have just finished doing this to another on-sight parkhome so they are on our site, not something i am looking forwards to, the taking up of the decking, i wont be able to get out the back way, oh been told they will place everything back again hopefully including my safety metal handrails…

I have to say it again, Jackie, I am so very sorry.
Would insurance support a claim?
Love,
Mary

Mary…
… it is the parkhomes responsibility and not ours, this is why we have to pay a ground rent because we own our parkhomes but we dont own the garden - the piece of ground our parkhome is sited on…

I am sorry to learn that Jackie, it was just a thought. x

Mary…
… if i can i will get myself back into bricks and mortar…If there is a plus to this parkhome living, you get a lot for your money and space to manuver around if one was to find ourselves in a mobility scooter or wheelchair inside the home…

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A mobility scooter would be fine for me, Jackie, if I wasn’t allergic to the sun and solar light. Thank you for your message.
x

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