My husband passed away suddenly but peacefully on the 21st of January 2023. He fell asleep and didn’t wake up. No warning signs. He was 62 and I’m just turned 57. We were together 38 happy years. I’m heartbroken. He did everything for me. He loved me so much. It’s so lonely. Everywhere I look he’s there. I haven’t moved anything of his. It’s like a bad dream that I wish I could wake up from. It’s so quiet. He was always singing. Please tell me it will get better in time. I’m losing my mind.
Hugs. It is still fresh for me what it was like then after three months.
Not sure much better yet but changing. I was in a whirl then. A rollercoaster. I realise now when folk said I was doing well they were just saying it. Was sort of functioning in a very manic way. I still have days like that. I have gone through all the firsts in a cluster eg golden anniversary without him, Xmas, my birthday, new year, his birthday, valentine’s day, funerals of other family member and so on. Usually they Re spread out but now when they occur won’t be first anymore.
Silver lining was neighbour’s kindness. Flowers, cards, chats, bits of help, tips, advice, their dogs understanding how strange animals and kids kids are like a balm.
You have suffered such a shock with the sudden and unexpected death, plus to find him like that must make it extra difficult. I had the first two, sudden and unexpected, when my 60 year old, slim, fit husband went out to play football last April 25th and never came home. He suffered a coronary embolus out of the blue and died within 1 hour and 40 minutes of beginning to feel unwell.
In case it helps to know, for me days are better than those dreadful early times. Yes, I can still cry at the slightest thing and I have many difficult days to come I’m sure but I am building a life, despite it not being the life I want.
There are days when I don’t cry, which feels strange as I loved my husband deeply and miss him every day. I keep busy, mostly I don’t believe I have much choice in that as I am determined to look after what mattered to my husband, which includes farmland I know very little about. Im not bad at DIY and will maintain the house we created together to the best of my ability. I also have a daughter with a learning disability so she still needs a lot of time input.
I think keeping busy is helping me and I do feel that, even though we had no choice in what has happened, we do have a choice in what we do from that point onwards and I refuse to let this awful loss take the rest of our lives with it. My two daughters have their whole life ahead of them and they need a Mum who is not a wreck.
You will find plenty of support on here as there are so many generous members who will help whenever you need it.
In these early days I think not expecting too much of yourself is important and see each thing you manage to get done as a real achievement, even if that’s only making a meal of some sort.
Thankyou. This helps a lot. I’m trying to keep busy. When I stop it’s worse. x
I think it’s getting a balance between allowing the grief in at time and keeping it away by being busy at others - and if anyone can tell me the right balance I’d appreciate it!!!
The music helps when I need to allow my grieving to have space as in a guarantee I’ll cry to certain songs.
Love and hugs xxx
so true what you are saying i can be ok and someone will say something and i find myself crying i find they telling how well i am coping sets me of and when they say how brave my husband was while having his cancer treatmeant
@sue11 the book I am reading calls those grief ambushes, which describes it well as far as I’m concerned. Ambushes you out of nowhere!
One of my Husbands friends tryed to go to his funeral he said he got there and could not go in as he thought my husband would beat the cancer that made me cry as i thought the same as he did
Hi @Hev57. My husband died very suddenly and unexpectedly too. He was also 62. The shock and trauma are horrendous. I think the shock is only just starting to wear off for me after 15 weeks. I too cry at the drop of a hat. People think I’m doing well because I’m not constantly prostrate with grief but they don’t see me wailing when I’m on my own because I’ve come across something or heard something. I’m so very sorry for your loss. It’s such early days for you and I remember those early days with absolute terror. I am finding it easier now but still need this site for support and to (hopefully) support others. Love and strength to you. Jean x.
@Hev57 I am so sorry for your loss. The shock will have been terrible. It is still very early days. I lost my wife in October and like @KarenF and @Jean8 I would say the grief is still intense and unpredictable and you can’t avoid it, you may find the way you deal with it changes. I accepted the grief and that others in my family shared it and now I take time out if I feel it coming on and just let it flow. I also take time out on days when I haven’t been ambushed just to reflect. Everyone is different and you will have to find what path suits you in your situation. Just keep posting as there will be those here who can offer support when you are at your lowest points because we have all been there. Love and support xx
It’s so hard. I can’t believe it’s happened. Even though we have had the funeral. He looked after me and loved me. Made me laugh. Always singing. I feel lost. I do hope it gets even slightly better. I have never felt such pain.
Ah @Hev57 sending you lots of love x
I know how you feel, @Hev57. It’s very difficult to believe and the fact that it’s permanent hits me every so often and I go to pieces. Such early days for you but I’m so glad you’ve joined us on here so that we can help and support you xx.
Know how you feel lost my husband 4 months ago ,to a cardiac arrest Deepest sympathy ,
I feel like i am in a bad nightmare he was my soulmate ,Life is cruel at times
Big hugs Take care
Everything you’ve said is exactly how i feel 9 weeks after losing my partner of 35years (ex ept for the singing).
Life is unbearable & like a bad dream.
I also lost my husband suddenly on 9th Feb 19 days ago. The pain is unbearable, we had been together for 6 wonderful years, Lockdowns during covid forced us to postpone our wedding and we only married in March last year. I’m heartbroken and don’t know to cope at all . Funeral not till 17 March it’s all so very raw my grief comes in waves it’s horrible.
Oh @Melly1, I’m so very sorry for your loss. I lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly in November. The early days are a complete nightmare and you are very early on in your grief. At this point it’s a case of take care of yourself and do exactly what you feel like doing in any given moment. Sleep, eat, cry, shout, whatever. I hope you’ve got some good support around you. We are always here. Keep posting and reading. Sending love and strength to you. Jean xx.
Sending deepest sympathy and much love to you. You are bound to be in shock at the moment I’m sure. I lost my 60 year old, fit, apparently healthy husband 10 months ago and I know those first weeks and early months are sheer agony. I would never have imagined pain like it.
If it help to know, it is less all consuming for me now even though tears are often not far away. I am very busy as I have plenty which needs to be done and do have a life, even if it’s not the one I want. I just wanted to let you know that, with the help and support of many wonderful people on here I am coping better than I would have thought I could, considering the level of love we shared.
Thank so much Jean, this was my very first post and didn’t know what to expect on here. I just feel so lost and scared right now.
thank you for your reassuring words.