Thoughts and prayers 
…i lost my partner in November and i agree the early days are horrendous. I think it changes all the time and now some days are not as hard.i still have bad days and miss everything we had.x
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Thank you, sorry for your loss, sending hugs and love to you.
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Jean
Yes that lost anxious feeling gets overwhelming because that is exactly how it is for me at times.
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I could have written this myself, I lost my partner of 33 years on 23 December, he was 61yrs old and I am 58. He was in hospital 2 weeks prior in isolation due to covid and we were unable to see him due to him being in isolation. We finally laid him to rest on the 3 February. I miss him so much and the house is not the same without him. I am back at work now which does help but he is never out of my thoughts, yesterday I had to come home as it just hit me again. My heart like yours is broken and I also feel so lonely without him but I know he would want me to get on with my life and live it for both of us, easier said than done at the moment. I am thinking of you and prayer you find the strength and support to help you through this. Take care.
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I’m so sorry for you too. I know exactly how you feel. I went back to work just to keep busy but it’s so hard coming home to an empty house where he would greet me with a cup of tea. Even going to work and knowing they are not at home or saying goodbye see you later. I talk to him all the time. So low at times. It really hurts. Still in shock.
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I really feel your pain. I have my Barry back home with me now and this does give me great comfort. I talk, kiss and cuddle his memorial all the time, I wish him goodbye & hello everytime I leave and return to the house. I tell myself, feel blessed that you spent 33 fabulous years together and so many special memories. They say time is a great healer and I hope we both start feeling stronger in time. I know its really tough at the moment and I wish you all the very best. Xx
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I feel excactly the same lost my partner in November i went back to work quickly as i thought that was how i would get on with life but i know i was wrong i now feel i dont want to go to work have no motivation or interest. Some ppl say i am just experiencing grief i tried to get on with it and now feeling so sad and worse than the beginning
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so sorry to hear that Jan271, what you have described is my fear. I’m off work at present. The funeral is on 17th. I know I need to go back to work but I just don’t know when I’ll be ready to. It all feels so scary right now.
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Hev57,
that is exactly how I feel right now and what I’m feeling scared of.
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It is very hard, I push myself to go into the office mainly to be with people, I have family but they all go to work. I now am thinking I should sell the house as we have lived here for 5 years and tbh I can’t say it holds good memories as that’s when my partner started to get ill. People advise me to hold off and not make any irrational decisions. I will try my best to keep listening and see where I am at in 6 months time.
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Bazza,
Yes it must be so hard, but I think I would agree hold off selling up for now. You may feel differently in 6 months time.
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Yes i wouldn’t do anything for a while…our feelings are changing constantly in these early days…i feel im just going thro the motions this last week has been so difficult…x
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Hi Hev It’s so tough for you at this early stage in your bereavement- my husband passed away suddenly to at 72 - he went to bed and just died - for weeks/ months you just get up and do something to make the days go by and to sleep at night is a blessing. My family helped me through because left to my own devices I didn’t want to live the life I was left with - we also loved each other and from 17 to 72 we were the most special people in each others lives. Try everyday to be a little bit more positive about your future - do something to pass the time - talk to people - wallow in your happy relationship with your husband and remember the good times and be thankful for your time together. I don’t cry every day now - it’s two years since my husband died on the 13/04/21 still grief overcomes me without warning but I am more normal than I was I will never be happy or have a love like I had with him but I can still love our memories and no one can take that away. So try and fill your days and do things for others but most of all look after yourself - you’re not alone share your thoughts with this group because we all know what you are going through. X
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What a lively encouraging pist for others…i make myself eat something try to look after myself. Its early days for mist of us and oray life settles into a different pattern x
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@Jan271, @Melly1, @Bazza & @Hev57
You are all doing AMAZINGLY as you are thinking about what might be best, realising it’s not a good idea to rush big decisions and talking to each other and others on here.
It’s such early days and none of us were anticipating being widows - and let’s be honest, if we had we would never have understood the level of grief involved would we?
As I have said I other threads, for me the main first hurdle was the belief that this was true and had happened. There was no getting away from it and no amount of wishing and wanting him back would change anything. Boy, what a hurdle that is but it’s real and needs to be faced.
In the Resilient Grieving book she talks about facing our grief and to me that was a way I could face it, I can’t get away from the truth that he’s gone.
Closely linked to that is to try not to dwell on the ‘what if?’ ‘If only,’ They can’t change what happened either as they DIDN’T happen.
No idea if any of that makes sense to you but they do to me so thought I’d share them
As I said above, I do have better days now ten months on. Sometimes I have fun and laugh with my daughters and friends and tears aren’t there. The guilt which comes with that is still a hurdle for me but I’m working on that one .
We CAN have a life, not the one we want but a life none than less.
Hugs to you all
Karen xxx
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What lovely encouraging words, thank you, sending hugs to you , it truly is a difficult time . emotions change without waring I truly hate it right now, and still have the funeral to get through yet xx
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Beautiful words of encouragement , thank you. Very early days for me my lovely husband only passed 9th Feb, only just been able to arrange funeral for 17 March, its so heart breaking Just don’t know how I will get through the service let alone the day. There will be a lot people there but most I will not know. he was very much respected in the business he was in . xx
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@Melly1
I went in to Richard’s funeral knowing that there would be loads there too. He was a farmer originally (and still a landowner) who are a massively supportive community to each other, a driving instructor with many young pupils, a footballer, golfer and pool player as well as us living in (he having been born in) a small, very supportive village. That was before we start on family.
Someone thought around 400 attended our village church. It was all a blur to me and I and my older daughter sobbed our way through the whole service. Younger daughter with a learning disability was in the church nave listening but could not face all those people.
Yes, I’m was a wreck but we all thought afterwards that it was a good service and felt proud of what we had been part of, in his life and his honouring service. I have the attitude that if anyone had expected me to be anything other than a wreck they shouldn’t have come and I still believe that. I loved him so deeply and his death had been so tragic and premature that there was no other way for that day to be.
Boy was I tired after it !!!
You’ll be however you are on the day and you’ll survive.
Hugs xxx
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Thankyou for your encouragement…i think its so uplifting x
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@Melly1 There we’re lots of people at my wife’s cremation service from the schools she had taught in. Like @KarenF at her service I did not know some of these. My wife died of Covid so I had masks given out as I did not want anyone to go through what I had with my wife and my eyes were so full of tears I did not even recognise friends properly. Karen’s right, no one will expect you to do anything other than to simply survive the day. Hugs and support.
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