Thankyou Nigel. I do hope I get stronger in time. x
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My husband of 45 years was released from hospital with "a clean bill of health " he died suddenly several hours later - I was not allowed to arrange his funeral for several weeks and was told by the funeral directors that i should not view him to say goodbye. I am distraught and don’t know what to do.
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So sorry for the lost of your Husband i so understand how you feel i lost my husband Oct last year and his funeral was on the 5th Dec and i was told i should not view him it broke my heart not being able to say goodbye to him . Always here if you need to chat please take care of your self x
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@Jeanl so sorry. That must make it so difficult. The coroner said it may not be wise for me to view my husband but I decided to and the funeral directors had done an amazing job. I could not see any PM incisions the way they had arranged his clothes. Could be worth asking whether a strong friend or relative could check for you and give their opinion or ask the funeral directors to show a photo first to a friend or relative.
Hugs
Karen xxx
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Sorry to hear about your husband @melly, I likewise lost my beautiful man in December 2022. In the morning of the 7th Dec my life was perfect, that night my life had changed forever…. There was no choice as what happened he was cruelly taken from me …. I do believe though I have a choice as to how I try to navigate my way through to a new reality…. I feel like I am in a swimming pool and can either sink or swim…. When the tough waves of grief hit in I know that’s when I have to try and stay afloat which is not always easy…. There are lots of tears, pain and sorrow ….I try to let the storm subside which allows me t feel calmer … but it is not easy….
I am learning self care, it is a concept I have never found easy but asking my Mr G what should I do somehow helps me to carry on…. This is my way, it may not work for others …
Sending you lots of love
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I am so sorry for you. It’s awful. Sending you love and strength. x
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So sorry for your loss feel for you,
Lost my husband October 2022 to a cardiac arrest ,had to wait 3 weeks to organise the funeral ,as the Doctor who treated him at the hospital went off on holiday without signing the Death certificate ,which prolonged my agony
Take care of yourself big hugs
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@Minnielmber, Sorry to hear of the loss of your husband, the pain and grief is truly unbearable. Thank you for sharing your feelings and how you deal with the pain and sorrow, helpful and encouraging words . Sending you lots of love.
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@Jeanl . So very sorry . What an awful shock for you.
Wish I could say something to help but I know nothing much will at the moment.
There is a lot of support on this site from lovely people who are sadly walking the same path.
I couldn’t face going to see my lovely husband at the funeral directors but was with him when he passed. I like to remember him as his usual happy self. Worked for me but we all want diffetent things.
Sending strength and hugs xx
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@jeanl and KarenF we had to wait an age for the PM results and then an age for the funeral with it being over Christmas and new year. The funeral director advised me not to go to see Gavin, i think for me it was a decision I did not want to make, so it was helpful to be steered this way. I was with Gavin when he died so i was able to tell him I loved him and always would then… it is such a hard thing to do… sending you hugs x
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@Alir and @Lonely. I too did not want to see my husband when he was in his coffin. I was with him when he died so I didn’t feel the need. Some people say they just look like they’re asleep but having seen both my mum and dad I don’t agree. My thinking is that it’s only their shell in the coffin anyway - their outer casing. The essence of him, his personality, spirit and soul remain with me and our children and grandchildren in our hearts and minds. He’s with us always. I have dreadful days where I sob and sob but I usually feel better afterwards and those days are becoming less often. I couldn’t bare to leave our house. At first, I hated coming home to him not being here but now I love to get home. It’s my sanctuary, my comfort and I have our four boys (cats) to greet and whom greet me. Love and strength to you. Jean xx.
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I am so glad I saw my husband in his coffin like I have seen every one who died whatever they look like they look alright to me as my imagination otherwise is always far worse than reality. When embalmed they just look so peaceful. After a lot of suffering it is good to see them like that. I always have this desire to see them again. Went on my own as others do not want to but am always glad I did. Always place words in there and little keepsake which makes me feel better. I put a red rose and a poem I wrote and a prayer to my Husband who died in November 2022. I am hoping to put a bench by his grave and a headstone. We have planted primroses and viola in planters and put flower vases on his grave. It was helpful to sit by my mother’s grave. Same with my Stillborn. I also take photos which I find comforting. Really pleased did as always someone who likes to see them and couldn’t
Some people think the opposite but we are all different. I kept a lock of my dad’s hair in a locket as he was cremated. I have my father’s voice on a tape reading a story and my husband’s voice in a clip talking to his grandchildren. Sadly none survived if my mum.
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@Enorac. As you say, everyone is different and must do whatever helps them. I can understand wanting to see them so peaceful if they suffered in life. My husband died very suddenly and unexpectedly last November. The Primroses and Viola sound lovely. I have not yet buried my husband. We’ve bought a plot in a lovely memorial garden for his ashes to be buried so that the family have somewhere to go and visit. The grandchildren especially wanted this.
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Hi! I
Firstly, I am so sorry for your loss.
You don’t know me and I am writing totally out of the blue! But I just had to write and say how much I loved the fact that you thought the Northern lights had been sent by your late husband. What a beautiful thought.
I had to smile, and that must be a good thing. So thank you for sharing that. X
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Sorry, my last message was written on the wrong forum altogether, so won’t make much sense to people on here! Apologies!
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It was my post so ir made sense to me, xxx
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Thank goodness for that! Xx