Heartbroken

I lost my partner mark 7 weeks ago today the hurt and pain is still there and also the regrets all I do is think of him and that day I last saw him talking but clearly unwell at home my heart is broken and I often cry when I’m on my own as to not upset others which is difficult cos I feel I could cry all day long and aswell as that I’m still trying to deal with all the paperwork that has to be done it is hard at the minute and sometimes I feel like my life is not worth living with out mark

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I am totally where you are too. After a couple of disastrous relationships in the past I vowed I would never get involved again but then I found my husband and always maintained it took me 55 years to get it right! We were expecting to have about 30 years together not 13. I know I have to be thankful for the time we had, but we were robbed of the time and experiences to which we were sooooo looking forward. Now as you say there are all the formalities and the bureaucracy to be dealt with and determining in which order organisations should be told…

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Another hard day I’m getting tired of people saying it will get easier and you are strong I don’t think it will ever be easy and as for been strong they simply don’t know me and if they saw me everyday they would see the mess I’m in I try not to cry in font of people as they tend to say what is wrong how can anyone ask me what is wrong I can’t live my life without my love he is gone and I’m losing the will to live myself

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i feel as you do my darling husband passed away six weeks ago cancer he was in hospital for 13 weeks he came home for 1 night and was sent back into hospital with pneumonia he passed away 2 weeks after that wanting to come home,the paperwork will get dealt with in time,i cry for him everyday i miss him so much,but i do try like you not to show it but you have to let it out ive a son aged 30 he is disabled so i carry on for him i have to i am all he has now,ive brought my husband’s ashes home and it has helped me having them here i now have a green pot as well as a photograph to talk to,and yes ive not gone mad i talk to him it helps a bit,i also cuddle his pillow every night, hope you get some comfort from some were or something

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Thanks for replying
I too have marks ashes here with me I didn’t want to scatter them I wanted them here with me so he was close by
It is so hard for everyone I know
I too talk to his photos more so on a night when I’m in bed it does bring some comfort knowing I’m not alone in this terrible world

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I really feel your pain :frowning: . I lost my partner in January, very suddenly and unexpected his life was taken in a road accident. I cry too a lot… every day. He was my light, love and soulmate. He said he waited 37 years to find me… wanted to get married and try for a family. I’m still waiting for a court date for the driver who killed him to be prosecuted its tourment to know he is still out there living his life while my love is gone. Its good to be able to talk to others who are going through similar greif, to have people who understand. Even if it’s just to get it off your chest x

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Hi
Sorry for your loss too
It is so hard isn’t it mark contracted bacterial meningitis caused by an ear infection he had He was only 42 I’m 36 and don’t feel like my life is worth living anymore how can something this horrible happen to us
People often say you need you live your life but how can I without mark by my side and how can people say that so soon after his death mark was my world every thing I did I did for him and he did for me too it’s so painfull
I hope you get the court date sorted and then maybe you will be able to get the torment out of you head and grieve for your loved one
Take care

I feel the same as all of. Last night I thought how the hell has this happened to me. 36 happy years then gone in one second. Now iv got nothing, no one to care if I’m alive or dead. I was the centre of shirls world and she was mine. I to am sick of people asking if I’m feeling better now, life goes on, there’s light at the end of the tunnel etc etc, I just want to scream at them, I’ll never feel better, not ever, my world has ended and I don’t wAnt to carry on alone

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I also feel iv got nothing I have my and Mark’s family and a couple of close friends but that’s it and none of them really know what it’s like to lose your world I was told the other day that life goes on but how the hell can it when the person you loved the most isn’t here to share that life with you I don’t think I will ever be happy again

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I feel awful for saying this but no one understands … until they have had half of their heart ripped away… or had that type of a connection to someone. I always say about me and Gareth… people didn’t understand our love, when we met it was out of this world he told me he was falling in love after only a week! Life does go on but it’s a different kind of life that is so hard to face living. Some days I do say to myself I’m just waiting until the day I can be with him again… I wouldn’t do anything stupid… but I’m just living day to day.

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Hi all
My Lovely wife passed 5 weeks ago, after 46yrs. We new she hadnt long to go, with progressive MND. I was her 24/7 carer.So, we did talk of what she wanted for herself and of me. Of course, she wanted me to be happy, do what i wanted, look after our three kids, and seven grandkids. She was in so much pain and discomfort, she didnt want to go on. I miss her terribly, and get upset all the time, But, i know if shes watching, she would be saying, Buck up man, and get on with it!. Its been a hard five weeks, but knowing my wife, and her wishes, probably makes it a wee bit better, specially when grandchildren are around, and huge support from family. There is a life, and a reason for living out there for all of us, I can see it. It just needs time, as much time as needed. Will always hold my beloved to heart, and remember her through all the happy years. I wear her wedding ring on a chain around my neck, so she is with me always. x
John

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How do we go on is the question for me
Like Katie says I long for the day were together again
Iv had 2 dreams since mark passed and they were both the same
It was of Mark sitting on the bed and me telling him everything we had done since he passed like selling his car and having his passport cancelled and other stuff iv had to deal with and seeing the look on his face it’s weird it feels all too real it makes me not want to sleep because when I wake up to realise he’s not there it breaks my heart all over again iv still got my engagement ring on I don’t think I will ever take it off it gives me comfort to know the love we had for each other is this silly ?

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It’s not silly at all you still wear your engagement ring!.. I have a heart locket with Gareth’s picture in, his mug I drink from everyday (it has flowers, a cottage and 2 swallows) to me they symbolise us meeting again. I got given this after he died. I believe I have had signs from him too thAt he’s still around, for example whenever I go to one of our special places I find a heart shaped stone. The day after he died I asked him to let me know he was ok… I saw a yoda shaped cloud in the sky, we always said he was yoda. I’ve been to a spiritualist church and found great comfort there. Gareth was a very spiritual person. I still keep his tie with me everywhere I go and also his hoody he gave me. Il never let him go… his purpose in my life meant too much xx

It’s lovely to hear that you feel she is with you always by wearing her ring on a chain. I keep my Gareth’s tie with me and his photo in a heart locket. My Gareth was only 37 when he was killed in january cycling. I am only 29. Everyone says I have my whole life ahead of me… it hurts it’s a life without him here in person

I have not had a single dream or sign,it’s now nearly 9 weeks since Shirl died, and I’m struggling every single second of day and night. I wish I had the faith of knowing we will meet again,trouble is if Shirl is still around wherever she is she will be scared and lonely without me, we were never apart, I have to go to her soon. I can’t face the thought of another 20, 30 years without her. Not after 36 years with her constantly by my side.

I can not move any off her stuff, her shirt is still hanging on our wardrobe door where she left it the night before she died, how can I move anything,that would be admitting she has gone.

I have no support, the grief councilling has a 3 month waiting list.
I can’t stand the emptiness, no one to say good morning to, no one to say goodnight to, just long lonely empty days and nights.
I just want my old life back, I died at 7 15 on March 12
X

There is no right or wrong way and no time limit on grieving. Grieving is very personal. As for keeping her things as they are there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, you can keep them like that for as long as you need to. As for spiritual belief my partner opened that up to me… i do believe in soulmates/ twinflames/ destiny/ fate… all of that I learned through meeting and my relationship with Gareth. I would encourage you to talk… keep talking… and stay strong. Everyday is different too it will come in waves. Always here if you need to talk x

Hi Jac,

I’m so sorry for your loss, and to hear that you don’t have any support. I hope that you can get a bit of support by talking to others here on the community.

It is good that you are on a waiting list for counselling, but it is a shame that it will take so long. In the meantime, if you need to talk to someone, you could try calling the Cruse Bereavement helpline (0808 808 1677) or the Samaritans (116 123). The Samaritans are there 24/7 for you to talk about anything that is troubling you (they are not only for people who are having suicidal thoughts).

If there is anything I can help with, or you have any questions about this community, just let me know.

Priscilla
Community Manager

Hi Jac mate,

Im so sorry of your loss, My wife of 46yrs died 1st April. I know how you feel, been there. Believe me, you WILL cope mate. No dont move her clothes, no need too is there?.Do what ever you want to do, its ok, were grieving!. Believe me, your Shirl will be ok happy and well, on the other side…I have been lucky enough to have signs from my lovely Ann, from the day after her passing. Fill your rooms with her photos, talk to her. Say good morning and good night to her, She will be there. Have a open mind, and watch closely around you, the signs should come. Close your eyes, and smile through the tears, and remember happy moments you shared. She will, be aware, and it will make her spirit happy. I know my Ann, is well and happy on the other side,She has chosen the form of 40ish years old now, long before her illness and is guided by a loved past departed family member. Stay Tuned to this site, were all in the same boat my friend.

John.

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Thank you all. I have got through another day. I hope it gets a bit easier, I’ll never stop missing her and don’t want to stop missing her but wish the hurt would just lessen.
At least now I can talk to you and know you understand thanks

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Hi jac
We all understand that’s what I like about this community
Iv managed to get through another day too but only cos I stayed in bed most of it I just can’t bring myself to get up and for another day to pass without my love
Iv been very anxious of late about going out its come to the point where I feel sick tomorrow I do have to go out though mark bought us and friends some tickets to see a rock band I’m dreading it not only cos I have to go but because he won’t be there to enjoy it with us it’s gonna be a hard one to get through
Not to put a dampener on things but my hurt is still here after nearly 8 weeks and for me it’s not getting any easier but in time I sure or hope it will
Take care

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