His find each day getting worse. Today I had to go out and when I came home I sat on the drive in my car, I just couldn’t face going back in to an empty house again, I thought if I sit here long enough she will come out to see what I am doing, and also whilst I am outside I can believe she is in there. But of course in the end I had to come in, it’s so silent, nothing to hear, the days are so long, what did I used to do all day, sat and talked with Shirl for a lot of it. I’m 51 and sat huddled on a chair with a fleece over me like a person of 90! There is so much I should be doing, paperwork, accounts to sort for tax etc, but I just can’t be bothered starting to sort, I can’t bear seeing her name on statements or seeing her writing. I know all these things need doing but what’s the point, what’s the worst thing that can happen? Nothing cos the worst thing ever has already happened and I am alone to face it all. I never did any of the bill paying, never worried about money, now there isn’t any so no point in worrying.
I feel like I don’t exist anymore, no one cares if I’m here, no one even knows I’m here.
I can’t stand the thoughts of years living like this, it’s horrid
Jac my friend, been there, and slowly getting better. If i leave the house, i always leave radio on, light on, doesnt feel so empty then. Know what you mean with paper work, still finding things with her name now. Unless its essential, leave paper work to when your ready. We know your there, and i think speak for all, we care mate.Take every day…No every hour as it comes, The biggest thing is the need to learn to accept they have gone, to a better place. Its reality. harsh i know, but to move on we must. I personally have accepted this awful fact, making it a little easier to move forward. Talk about it, Talk Talk Talk, Shout out loud! get angry! what ever it takes. You will make it Jac.
Thanks John, it’s horrible, I haven’t really anyone to talk to, people who I know, I can tell they have heard enough, it’s like ok iv heard enough now. There were over 70 people at her funeral but I can count on one hand whose contacted me since. Thank god for here.
Aww jac I may not know you personally but I care so much
I’m the same about talking to people nobody wants to listen it seems they think you should be over it by now but that will never happen although I do have family iv only seen a few of them and only really 2 close friends that make a point of coming to see me every week
It is really hard to move on I know I’m still trying after 8 weeks it’s gonna take time for all of us to accept our loved one has gone forever I filling up now as I write this
I too am scared of the years ahead but try not to think about the future just yet take each day at a time
Take care my friend
Hi to everyone in this conversation - I hope you are all having as good a day as possible.
I hope you don’t mind me dropping in, but I just wanted to see if anyone felt up to replying to a new user? Angel has lost her husband just a couple of weeks ago, and I’m sure she’s appreciate hearing from some of you. You can read and reply to her post here: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/angel
Thanks very much.
Hi, have read all these conversations and the expressions of pain, sadness and loneliness. It is really so brave to put all this into words. It does help to share and realise there are so many of us suffering these tragedies. Nine months have gone by since the sudden death of my husband who shared my life for 53 years after we met and fell in love aged 14 and 15 years. Its difficult to comprehend that they are no more and so difficult to accept that fact. Keep chatting and taking small steps in this very different and changed life that none of us wanted. Joining a gym or a class I have found gives me a little respite from the intensity of my feelings. A brief change of scene helps for a while too - and I come back home to tell him all about it. xxxx
Hi LynseyMark, it is so hard, I have sat here all day, hardly moved and not spoken to anyone. I do go out tonight as run a dog training class, but we ran it together for 35 years so that’s killing me doing that to. It would be so easy to give that up, but I know she would want me to carry it on. I just wish I could have one more second with her, just to say sorry I couldn’t save her, I hate this new life and this new me x
Ive had that Jac mate. Six weeks ago, My Annie was sat in her chair at home, dying from MND, in my arms, The scared look in her eyes still haunt me, as she thought i could fix anything, she just closed her eyes and went. didnt have a chance to say sorry. Carrying on with the dog training is a really good move Jac, if you can…Stay strong…John
Exactly John I’ll never get the look in her eyes out of my head, it was panic, when I rang 999 yhwybsiad imhad to get her on the floor, I,had to drag her off,chair and her head banged really hard on the tiled floor. How can I ever forgive myself for that, I can’t . I
She’s looked after me all my life and I couldn’t help her when she needed me. I can not cope x
Jac, you may not forgive yourself, but its a cert, she would/has forgive you. It was a time of total panic, she would know that, don’t punish yourself to much, she will understand.
Tell her out loud now, that your sorry. she will hear you.
And you can cope, and eventually will cope my friend. your doing fine, stay strong. …John
I too feel guilty not only because I couldn’t save him but because I left him on the morning he was so unwell without a kiss or anything which is unusual cos we always left each other with a goodbye kiss on our way to work
I’m not a religious person so I’m not sure if mark is with me or can hear me but I do talk to his photos every night and I have said sorry so many times I just hope he is with me
I haven’t done much today either in fact most days consist of me staying in bed till 3pm only moving to get a bite to eat
Last night I had to go out to a rock concert that mark had bought tickets for although I went with my brother (and Mark’s best friend)
it was still hard for us both without him there
They was a few tears from me but nobody saw cos It was dark but as soon as I got home I cried for hours
Dont worry Linsey, ive no doubt, he will hear and see you.and be near you at times. Have faith girl. Dont worry about crying, let it all out…its so natural, but when you cry, smile and think of some of the happy times you had together, it will please him, if near. …Be strong…John
Thanks john
I’m trying so hard to think of the wonderful times we had
but the last few days of his life are overpowering all the happy memories
How do people get over losing someone you loved so much it’s very hard and I keep thinking how am I gonna live without him
Hi Linsey, I think we will never ever get over our loss. They will be ever part of our lives. You can have fair days and bad days, yesterday for instance, i had a bad day, very emotional. Then my brother turned up later, a business man, filled my head with good ideas, bought me up things from his work, to occupy me, and i didnt feel to bad afterwards. Seems to me, we need to keep doing things we like, work/hobbies/ anything that rings your bell, does good. Theres still a world/people out there that need us. Its just climbing those first steps of the ladder, and i think im still on the first step. Have Faith…John
Hi John
Trouble is I spent all of my time with Mark so all the things I liked doing were with him and I’m having trouble doing those things now on my own I try to avoid such places I know it’s gonna take time
I don’t even like leaving the house at the moment people always asking me to go out but I get all anxious and end up saying no
I lost my husband to cancer 5 weeks ago, my life has been shattered but reading everyone’s comments has made me realise that there are other people out there feeling as I do. The house is so empty now and evenings so long. My husband was my best friend and we did so much together, it’s going to be so hard picking up the pieces,my life is shattered.
Katy
I’m with you Katy, it doesn’t get easier, 9 weeks since I lost Shirl and every day is another nightmare. I wake up at 6 crying and seem to spend all day crying, every single things reminds me of our life together and what iv lost.
Reading posts on here is helping me feel less alone, but it is such a struggle to carry on. I’m walking beside you in this horrible journey we have found ourselves on
Hugs jackie x
Hi Katy love.
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I lost my wife 6 weeks ago (MND). It is, really like a very bad dream, that i shall wake from, and all will be ok. I so wish it was, as you say, a house seems so empty without them. People say, “How are you?”. i think how do you think i am!! They say “I can imagine what your going through” No you Don’t! you have not the slightest idea what im going through!. Rant over…Hopefully things will get better. Like someone said, "You might not get to the light at the end of the tunnel, but the light will get brighter. …Keep strong. …John
Keep in there Jac mate, Your doing alright, were all going through it…stay strong…John
Hi katyB
I’m with you on this the house being empty and the evening so long me and mark always spent our evenings together just tucked up in bed watching our favourite shows now I can’t even watch the shows I feel so alone now I hate going up to the bedroom and seeing he’s not there
This is one big nightmare for all of us and I don’t know how I’m gonna continue my life without him I’m just so lost