I have just lost my wife 2 weeks ago I do not feel I can cope I can’t stop in our home at night and I also feel life is not worth living any more we were together 50 years never apart I wish I could just get over the fear of being alone at night.
Ooh Retired. I’m so with you on this. My wife passed 6 weeks ago after 46 years. The first 4 weeks I slept on sofa, couldn’t do bedroom at the time. The feelings of emptiness are awful, just have to go one days at a time, do something or nothing during day, doesn’t really matter, its how we feel. It’s going to be a long slog, your not alone… John
It’s so hard for everyone in so sorry
Hi linsey
How’s you doing? Chin up girl. Just thinking. Imagine all the sorrow that must be going on right now in this country of ours to us poor mortals. Just a small fraction find this wonderful site. Makes you think. Keep strong…
John x
Im trying to be strong but i dont think i can i feel so lost
The pain is unbearable I don’t think it will ever ease
Hi Lynsey, I’m just the same, it’s 10 weeks today and I feel like I’m getting worse not better. I woke this morning feeling absolutely terrified, I really felt I was ill, my throat was sealed and my legs like jelly, I felt like I couldn’t breath. I was sobbing. Think I’d suddenly realised I had nothing to do, no where to be. Everyone else is carrying on with their lives and nothing includes me. Saturday’s are family days, I’m just sitting here counting the hours till bedtime. Your not alone
Xx
Hi Jac. Im seven weeks now, and like you, it does seem to be getting worse. I have the sames feelings. Though today i agreed to attend my oldest daughters wedding, thats been planned a long time ago. Both my daughters pleaded me to go and support them, as they to were grieving too. I reluctantly agreed, but didnt have to give her away, as her son was doing it to take the pressure off. Managed the church, just, Thought being brave, i would try reception, though i didnt need to and was under no pressure to. Managed to go through half of it, but, found to my dismay everything closing in on me, and anxiety looming in . I just had to get out quick. Sat in car in tears, wishing for my Annie. Son suggested i went home and rested. Dont think life will ever be the same again…John
Hi John, my heart goes out to you, you were so brave to go, I don’t think I could. I’m sure your daughter was so pleased to,have you there, she needed you to support her.
I’m sure your Annie was by your side also, she’d have wanted you to go.
This life is hell,
It’s been the 10 longest weeks of my life, I feel like I am in prison but for me there is no parole
Take care x
Yep, your right Jac, were both in the same prison i think. And if your out to long or travel to far, the alarm bells ring, anxiety kicks in and your back to the cell again. Yes, my daughter and all the family were very proud of me to get as far as i did. One of the hardest parts, was coming home to an empty house, and the anti climax afterwards. Horrible!..Take care…John
Hi Jack
It’s true when you say everyone else is carrying on with there lives and we’re still stuck in the moment of our loved ones loss
I was pressured into going out tonight with some family and friends yet again it was terrible they were all there having fun and I just sat there shaking and people looking at you waiting for you to burst into tears (of which I did ) and nobody dare speak to you in case they upset you more I couldn’t wait to get home but then like John says going home to an empty house is not good either it hits you so hard
Xx
I know Lindsey, I can’t understand why people think talking about it upsets us, we’re upset anyway,it’s not like we have forgotten and them asking how we are will remind us for gods sake. Id rather people did ask, I feel like she and I have been forgotten.
I think people think I should be pulling myself together by now, after all, life goes on a, I wish the people with all,this good advice would given me the answer how cos for the life of me, iv no idea x
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I understand. We’re not robots were human. I could have done the same. I like rock too, me and my man did.
It’s been a few days over 4 months for me…and it still hurts just as bad today as it did when I got the news my bear had been killed. If anything the realisation that all our plans for the rest of our lives will never happen is harder to cope with now
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Hurting so much today it’s heart breaking miss my mark soooo much
Hi LynseyMark, so sorry your having a bad day, it’s hell isn’t it, I wake up every morning crying and I’m instantly having to run to bathroom to be sick, I know it’s cos I wake in total fear and pain every day. People keep saying it gets easier but for me eac new day is worse. I still can’t believe she is really gone, 11 weeks tomorrow and today 27 May is her birthday. How can she not be here. I feel life is so pointless now. I’m no help to you but I feel your pain and grief with you xx
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Thanks Jac for replying
These last couple of days have been hard knowing it’s been 10 long weeks since mark passed and reliving that day over and over again i know what you mean about the pain and fear
I know it sounds weird but yesterday I had to wash the bedding the first time I’ve done it since mark left although i havent slept in it most of the time it hurt because i could still smell him on it and now i have no smell at all
I’m sick of people saying that but if they had gone through what we have they would know there wrong and them saying your young you’ve got to get on with your life but i cant without mark and like yourself feel like theres nothing to live for i know he wouldn’t want me to be like this but who would have thought this would happen
Hope you manage to get through the day and raise a glass for your shirl are you planning on doing anything special I no it’s not the same but it would be nice
Take care
Speak soon xx
I am in the same position . It’s only been 13 days for me. My husband was in hospital for 3 months after being told it would be 14 days following his op for cancer. Had respiratory arrest in icu for 3 weeks then on a ward. The respiratory arrest led to hypoxic brain injury which meant he could not speak properly as his vocal cordained were affected as were his arms yet his brain was fine. He tried to make words and did manage to talk but it was hard yet he persevered. On 4 may the cancer had returned and we were told they could not treat it as he was so weak he would not come through another operation. It was back more aggressively than before and it was just a matter of time. He was supposed to come with home for palliative care and they were organising getting in the necessary equipment but it never happened as he went rapidly downhill and passed on 14 may. Although he wanted to come home he did not want to have all the equipment in his home as he wanted to live here like he always had done if that makes sense.he got a chest infection which became pneumonia overnight and then his kidneys started to fail as he was dehydrated. He was nbm due to being unable to swallow properly for the last few days and even tho he was on a drip for fluids and feed it did not work. He had told the dr that he did not want to be brought back if it came to it as he knew he was not going to get better and did not want to suffer anymore although he did not tell me of this decision. But I could not have made it as I wanted him to stay but in the end I have to agree it was for the best for him as he is not suffering pain and discomfort anymore and seeing him daily in pain and not being the man he used to be was killing me. Many a time I left the ward in tears but would never let him see it. He thought of me all the time even when he was so ill. I was there at the end and held him and I will always have that memory. We even managed cuddles every day although it was bit hard as he could not move his arms properly but he managed. Have not had the funeral yet as he had to go to coroner because he died within 12 months of having an operation and was still in hospital. Funeral is on 14 june as his brother is on holiday and I would not have it without him there as he has been a rock for us both. He was there at the end as well even tho we did not know it was the end .I have been getting paperwork done as my way of coping because I won’t be able to cope later on. My 2 daughters have been really good as have 2 close friends. 1 took me out last week Sunday as I did not want to be alone that day and the other calls or drops in every day to check on me. Others are in touch by phone which helps. Kevin had 2 children also both also grown up but his daughter fell out with him in January when his mum passed . His son had not spoken to him for a while but did get back in touch and has told one of my daughters that he wishes he had done it sooner. I function every day as best I can.I break down every day and feel I cannot cope. I see happy people and think why did this happen to us.I have no idea how I will carry on or how to fix me. He was 52 I am 61. I will go back to work at some stage as I know he would want me to. I also know he would not want me to be so miserable and unhappy but I cannot be anything else at the moment. He was such a happy man and was always there for me as I was and always will be for him.I think of all the happy times we had. I gave not put his photo out yet as it’s too soon but he is my phone screen saver and I talk to him and kisses him every day. I sleep with one of his t shirts as well.
Dear suekev, so sorry, we here all know what you are going through, the pain is unbelievable and seems to get worse each day. All I can say is the only way I cope is hour by hour or minute by minute, I can’t think of the future, the thoughts of years living alone like this without Shirl is unthinkable so I don’t, I’m just waiting for her to come back so we can carry on with our lives, stupid I know but only way I can cope is to think this isn’t forever. Sometimes I don’t see or speak to anyone, I have my dog and cat otherwise I’d have given up.
We all know our partners would not want us to suffer, but would they expect us to happily carry on without them? Would they be any different if it was them left behind, I know Shirl wouldn’t be and I’m sure Kevin and Mark wouldn’t either. Unfortunately we are the ones left and we have to cope in what ever way we can.
I’m going to take some begonias to Shirl today, the rabbits eat everything in the church yard but someone has told me they don’t like begonias, then I’m just going to walk Bisto and spend the day quietly.
Love to you all
Jackie x
Hi Jac. Yes i feel the same, the thought of living years like this is intolerable. I to, sometimes go the day without speaking to anyone. My Ann, after 8 wks from passing finally was interned yesterday in village church yard. That really bought it home to me, that shes gone. Ive visited her 4 times so far, taking small possessions she loved, to put on grave. I still think, she will back through the door at any moment, its hard to except…John x
I know John, I haven’t excepted Shirl gone. When I’m out I think she’s at home and when I’m at home I think she will soon be walking in. I feel like I’m just treading water, wasting time till she’s back and our lives can carry on. Your not alone in your pain, the loneliness and silence is killing, just try to get through each hour at a time x