Heartbroken

Tim, my wonderful husband passed away on December 2nd just 6 weeks after being diagnosed with cancer. He was my soulmate, best friend and the love of my life. We have had 27 magical years together and now he’s gone.
I am struggling to process anything at the moment, nothing seems real.
I miss him so much, his smile, his laugh, the way he used to tease me and most of all his touch.
Tim was an incredible man, he was a gentleman, dignified, caring and selfless, I am so privileged to have been his wife.
Now i have to fathom out a way to go on with life without him. I just don’t know where to start.

Hello, my story is similar to yours. My lovely husband George died on 29 November 2018 just under 6 weeks from a diagnosis of non-hodgkins lymphoma. He had suffered from pulmonary embolisms before, and was not moving around much towards the end. He got really breathless on the Tuesday and was rushed in to hospital. I tried to tell the doctor’s that the medication they had given him to thin his blood had not worked before, but they would not listen to me. On the Thursday afternoon he died suddenly from an embolism. I am absolutely devastated. I know he was extremely poorly, but whilst there is life there is hope. I just wished I had been more forceful with the doctors but I was so worried about him, I just trusted their judgement. Like you, I just don’t know how to go on without him. I still don’t believe he is gone, he was such a huge personality. George and I were married for 14 years. He was married before and his wife died early one morning from SADS leaving behind a 15 year old and a 10 year old, both of whom I have brought up as my own. My heart breaks for them as they have lost not only their mum but their dad. I also keep thinking that George went through losing a partner and came out the other side and had a wonderful life. I don’t think I will ever want anyone else though, and just want the one thing I cannot have.

So sorry for your loss. I think the same as you, there will never be anyone else for me, Tim was and always will be the one. All I do know right now is that Tim would want me to get on with life and learn to be happy again and I promised him I would try. I have kept all my other promises to him so will have to keep this one too as difficult as it will be. Tim and I and you and George were so lucky to have had such happy marriages and that is what I am trying to think about now, remembering all the happy times we spent together xx

I’m so sorry for your lost, I know how you feel i lost my husband on the 22nd November very suddenly. I had visited him in hospital where he was in with sepsis, he was getting better. I left him after visiting and said I would see him tommorow, I had just arrived home and got a phone call from hospital to say he had collapsed and died, I am devastated, he was my soulmate, best friend,. Every day is a struggle at the moment, it would of been our 23rd wedding anniversary on the 15th Of December which I’m not looking forward too, but you have to carry on as that is what he would of wanted. Remember the good times together, the laughter you shared xxx

I went to see George tonight in the Chapel of Rest. I saw him just after he died and was so anxious to see him again but had to wait for over a week until his coffin arrived. It was so lovely to be able to touch him and kiss him, it all felt so natural although obviously so very upsetting. I cannot believe how many tears I have cried since he went. I am dreading the funeral which is next Tuesday (18th). I suffer with panic attacks, and I am not sure how I will cope, but I guess I will find a strength from somewhere. I have got this far, I cannot imagine it can get any worse. I am having George home for a few hours before the funeral, I just need to spend as much time with him as possible before I have to let him go. Do you think this is normal behaviour?

I am trying hard to remember the good times and the laughter, but I cannot seem to get past the fact that he has gone, and it all seems so unfair. 12 weeks ago we were on holiday in Spain enjoying ourselves, with no idea of what was to come. I know George was older than me by 20 years, and used to say that I needed to get used to the idea that he would go before me, but I expected us to have a few more years yet. I am 52 and feel as if I just want to press a fast forward button so that I can be nearer to being with him again. This is all so sad for all of us xxx

I’m so sorry for your loss, my husband funeral was last Thursday and I went though it in a daze, you will get through it thou. Make him proud, celebrate his life. I am the same as you can’t believe how many tears I have cried, but crying is a good thing. I still can’t believe or come to terms his no longer here yet, I miss his kisses, hugs, just being able to talk to him. We had a saying between us which we said every day which was “love you to the moon and back” I would love to hear that one last time. We were marry for 23 years, my husband was 18 years older than me but we lived every day filled with laughter and love. Keep your chin up, we are all going through the same thing xxx

Hi Debra, so sorry to read about the loss of your husband. Your words resonated with me a lot. I lost my husband Chris unexpectedly from a heart attack at the end of July, he was only 48.
You questioned wether how you were dealing with things was ‘normal’. I too have questioned myself and what Im feeling as ‘normal’ over the past 4 months. Noone on here will judge you, we have all experienced the terrible tragedy of losing our partners. Whatever you need to do to cope with your terrible loss is ‘normal’. So please dont worry about this. Only those who have not experienced this would say it wasnt and noone can put themselves in your shoes. You have to do what is right for you.
I too can relate to you saying about remembering the good times as I too struggle with this. I am just completely overwhelmed with intense sadness and cant see a way through this. What I have done though is each time a nice memory or thought has come into my head, I have written it down. I will keep these and hopefully read them when ever I feel stronger and the time is right. Xx

Hi I lost my wife end of October and feel exactly the same as you all. Devastated, afraid, lonely. I think for me I was really dreading the funeral but I got through it OK, I think the amount of people that came was a testament of how many hearts she had touched. The wake went as well as could be expected for me. It was a relief to get the day over. When I go to the woodland cemetery now I know she is not there but somewhere better. Waiting for me, I get little signs, she is with me and is trying to help me through this. I miss her so much and nothing in my house has changed, her clothes are still hanging in the wardrobe her shoes are still on the stairs, my love for her is even stronger… But yes remembering the good times is hard, the mist of what happened at the hospital hides the good memories for now. I feel guilt as well for not realising how ill she really was. But hind sight is nagging at me all the time. I vent a lot on this sight which helps. I hope we can all help each other through this pain and loss xxx

Hi to you all
I am truly sorry for all your loss it is a horrendous journey I am just passed the first year with out my beautiful George .
You will still be in shock at what has happened and my heart goes out t you all .
I hope you have family to support you and please take your time at the begging I took things a hour at a time and today I take things a day at a time go slow .
We all go through this in our on way there is no right or wrong way to grieve but being on this site you will always find support .
I send you all a massive hug .
Lily

Hi All, thank you all for your support and words of advice. Even though it is probably too soon, I went in to work for a couple of hours today. I felt really awful when I woke up this morning, and wanted to do something constructive to take my mind of everything. I did try to do a bit of work from home yesterday, but really struggled as I had worked from home as and when possible whilst George was ill so I could be here to nurse him. It was hard going into my office knowing he was not in the living room. I have worked for the same Company for 36 years, and they are being brilliant, allowing me to do what I want, when I want, so I am really fortunate in that respect. My real concern today is my step-daughter who is 26. I mentioned in an earlier post that she lost her mum at age 10 from SADS, and has now lost her Dad. She was George’s youngest child and very much a Daddy’s girl. She is not showing any real signs of emotion and now most of the arrangements are in place, she just seems to be laying around with no motivation. It does not help that it would have been her mum’s birthday today. She is a teacher, and whilst she went into work yesterday, she was told that unless she could carry out her full duties, she should go home, so she got a medical certificate. Have any of you experienced this lack of emotion in any of your children and, if so, how did you deal with it? Thanks Debbie xx

Hi Debra, I have 2 teenage daughters 14 and 15 from a previous relationship and a 13 year old step daughter (my husbands daughter). My step daughter lives with her mum, but still spends time with us most weeks since my husband (her dad) died. Im not sure what emotion she has showed whilst with her mum, but I have been shocked with her lack of emotion whilst with us, even very early on after Chris’s death. She appears to just carry on, laughing and joking and appearing quite ok which I have found very diffucult to be around whilst feeling such intense pain of losing Chris. Im not sure if this is normal for a teenager, but cant help feeling that this will come back and bite her at a later stage. Jo xx

Hi Angie, my biggest hope in life now is that I make him proud. He was always so proud of how I worked and looked after our home etc., and the Monday before he died as we were settling down to go to sleep, he thanked me for all I had done for him, and said no-one had ever looked after him liked I had, I am trying to hold on to that!! George and I always said we loved each other every night, and I will continue to tell him that until I go to be with him. It really does help to realise that I am not the only one going through this, although I would not wish this pain on anyone :frowning: xx

So sorry for your loss Angie, this is such a difficult time for us. I know Tim would want me to get on with my life but at the moment it seems impossible. I miss the normality of our lives together, the simple things like eating together and going to sleep together. I really miss laughter, Tim made me laugh every day until he got too poorly. I spent the last 6 weeks of his life looking after him and now there seems no point to my life at the moment.

It’s the same for me. Laughter, seeing her, I used to phone her from my cab at seven in the morning. Just everyday things that I miss so much. Cuddling up to sleep., what’s the point now, just a lonely sad man who’s going to grow old alone. Sorry I can’t be positive but that’s how it feels. Xx

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I feel the same as you, I miss the cuddles at night, the kisses, hearing my husbands voice, we use to always have a chat before bed about the day, I’m only 44 and can’t see what my future will be without him as we were going to grow old together, we spend every minute together. Let’s try and be positive together I know it will be hard but that’s what they would of wanted xxx

So Sorry for your loss, I lost my husband 19th May, we had our golden wedding anniversary March 30th then 30th May I was at his funeral. He hasn’t seen a doctor in over 40 years, was taken into hospital 7th May, the following Monday I was told he would be coming home Wednesday/Friday of the following week, then late Thursday afternoon I was told further tests revealed he’d a malignancy, he passed away early Saturday morning, just one and a half days after being told he had cancer. I’m glad it happened this way for him, but I still cannot accept he’s never coming home, it’s coming up to 7 months since Alan passed, the longest time in my life. In total we’d been together 52 years, I was still at school when we met, this is the first time I have ever lived on my own and not an hour passes by without him being on my mind. All you can do is take it a day at a time and do what feels best for you ☆

There is nothing wrong with the way you feel so please don’t say sorry. I feel as though all the joy has been sucked out of my world and I will never get it back. I will always be married to Tim, there will never be anyone else for me, he was the one.

I am so sorry for your loss, you must have been and still are devastated. So much to try to deal with in such a short time. Tim passed just 6weeks after his diagnosis, we thought we had longer.
I too have never lived in my own but now I have no choice so like you one day at a time is all I can do.
Take care xx

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I agree Angie, Tim was so worried about me and how I would cope, I owe it to him to try and be positive but it’s really difficult so yes we can try together for our husbands.
I am here anytime if you want to chat xx

Tim’s wife, I am the same for you, if you need a chat I’m here xx

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