Cant believe I am sat here writing this. In January 2023 I lost my Dad to cancer. 4 short months later my Dad’s mother (my grandmother) died by, well, pretty much drinking herself to death. It was the worst time of my life. Fast forward to Jan 2024 and I have been excited for a fresh start. Ready to put last year behind me. A lovely Christmas and New Year, after what was hell last year. I was doing better, and had come off my anti depressants, thriving at work and starting to feel more “normal” (ish!).
Today, I wake up with a phone call from my Mum. My Stepdad died this morning of a sudden heart attack at home. He was fit and healthy, not overweight. Didn’t drink or smoke. I feel sick and I don’t know how I can get through this. The worst part is that my Mum is ill herself and is incredibly vulnerable. I now have the weight of her grief and future on my shoulders and its destroying my soul. They weren’t married, my Mum is in debt and its a mess. I’m trying to take it hour by hour and not overthink it too much right now but its hurting me so much. There is only so much someone can take. I don’t understand why this happened. And its messed up but I feel cursed? Why do people I really love and care about keep dying?