I have only just discovered this wonderful forum - which is a blessing.
My husband died in April after 27 years together and I am completely devastated, lost and finding life very difficult. I have wept an ocean of tears since he died and have lost my purpose in life and have panic attacks and severe anxiety. I really am trying to hold myself together but it’s so very hard and Christmas has made it worse. Friends and family have been great but nobody understands the depth of grief associated with losing a soul mate apart from other members of this club. It’s so totally different from all the other losses and I have had many. I miss everything about him. He was the love of my life and I really don’t know how I can face long lonely years ahead without him. Is it just me or do others feel the same? Thank you for your understanding.
Hi @Rockstar,
A sad welcome to this forum.
Be reassured that it is most certainly not just you who feels this way.
You will find that the folk on this forum understand exactly what you are saying and how you are feeling and will offer you unconditional support. I have found it incredibly helpful as while friends and family may be helpful (your milage may vary), as you have observed it is only those who have direct experience of this ghastly loss who truly understand the horror and challenges.
I hope you will find it helpful. I would encourage you to post whenever and whatever you are feeling and want to talk about.
Hugs and best wishes to you.
Hello @Rockstar - thank you for posting and sharing how you feel as I know others will be feeling the same way. Firstly, I am so sorry that your beloved has died - it is the hardest, hardest thing, I think, to lose your “other half”. Our identities, our past, our present and our futures are all bound up in our relationship with our partners and suddenly all that goes. It is really difficult to get back into a rhythm, into a sense of feeling safe and settled again.
Your anxiety and worries are likely grief - the force of which hits us so hard. I went to a very deep and dark place when my husband died. I had dreams of drowning - where I could see the surface but just couldn’t reach it. My husband died nearly 2 years ago and the road to here, when I feel I can breathe again, has been a long one. I am now in the earliest months of a new relationship, taking things slowly and always, always loving my husband and I always will.
Everyone’s experience is different, my friend - but on here, we all understand the feelings, the isolation, the lack of understanding from those around us.
For now, you are strong - you got to today and you are doing well, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Be kind to yourself, be gentle as this is a tough time of year. Maybe have a hot drink and chocolate. Maybe look at a picture of your beloved and talk about how you are feeling. Hang in there, and know that you will feel better in time. Keep posting, keep reading other posts here and know that you have friends here who are with you as you go xx
Thank you so very much. I don’t feel so alone in this deep pit anymore. I will keep on posting. xxx
Thank you Jerry for your kind words. I am so glad I have found this forum and don’t feel so alone now. xxx
You are definitely not alone in how you are feeling. It’s the overwhelming feelings of loss at times. I lost my partner in February and I’m in a phase of telling him how angry I am that he left me, but then so sad and missing him.
You have 27 years of memories and they can never be taken away. Xx
You resonate with my sense of loss. My husband died 16 months ago from dementia and we were married for 54 years. Today I have hit rock bottom again and just feel hopeless and so alone even though I have two sons and their families. I also moved house from my area where I had lived with my husband for 46 years and that has not helped at all as i miss the familiar surroundings but i am near to my two sons so that is an advantage but even though they are kind and caring they have their own lives which are busy. . Like you I keep feeling am I being weird by not healing better but In just wish i could wake up with a sense of purpose instead of an incredible feeling of loss and fear and anxiety. My good wishes to you.
Philip and I were married 48 years, together for 50. Such a void now but memories are what I’m clinging to. He died 3 months ago. My mum used to tell me, after Dad died, that she now had been given a life she didn’t enjoy. I resonate now.
You are not alone. I was lucky enough to find this forum just a couple of days after my amazing partner passed away. That was only last Monday although it feels like a lifetime. This time last week we were talking about our wedding and the music we would like. It’s totally unreal. We had done our big Christmas food shop too. He was a chef so it really was a massive shop! I have found a young couple locally who are on their uppers and given most of it to them but there are still the things we chose together. And tomorrow I have to face the presents he chose for me and the labels he wrote. I honestly don’t know if I can get through it. My son is grown up ( and is my rock at the moment) and I can’t imagine the agony of being christmassy for your children. I am in total awe of anyone in that situation and send you love, strength and the willpower to carry on. My greatest wish, other than our loved ones back, is just for some peace and quiet for us all. X
@Rockstar
Hi, I’m able to try and understand what you are feeling. I lost my husband in August this year. Like you , have cried an ocean. I sometimes feel so ultra sensitive - i just started to watch the musical ‘the sound of music’ which i enjoyed watching many times in my childhood before i met my beloved husband. I felt when watching it again now that I’ve lleft all those 40years with my husband behind and had to revert my thoughts back to before meeting him. We made each other so happy, the pain is devastating as you describe. I too think the only ones who understand are those of us who have had the same sad experience. Thank you for listening and love to you all. X
I am so sorry for your loss and welcome (sadly) to this amazing forum! Please be assured that you are not the only one feeling this way. We are all going through the same traumatic experience and we do share your pain.
No one knows exactly what grief is like until they are going through it themselves so grieving process is ours and ours alone - no one else’s!
I lost my beloved soulmate in May and now almost 8 months in, I am still finding it so hard to cope every moment of the day! Everyday is a struggle dreading the next day that is coming as you know going to be the same. I try to keep busy to be distracted myself from feeling sad, empty and lonely. Being with friends and family helps although still feel lonely at times.
To be able to post and share my feelings with everyone here helps enormously so please do share with us we are all here for you and for one another.
Take care & big hugs X
It’s not just you believe me I feel the same .i lost my beloved partner after 30 years together . We were twin souls and everything you describe resonates with me also . This loss is so different than anything imaginable it’s a nightmare I can’t wake up from
but long too. You’re not alone in the way you feel I feel the same . It’s not just heartbreak for me it feels like my souls broken too. This time of year feels terrible and nobody could understand unless they are experiencing it .
Hello - I don’t have any great expertise, insight or solutions to offer, I’m afraid - but I do know that it’s not just you. Of course you feel like this - if you didn’t, you’d be a robot, not a human being. Someone said that grief is love, continuing. Maybe holding onto that thought will help a tiny bit.
Also, know that everyone here wants to help in any way possible. The fact that help is not always possible is very sad, but it’s less important than all the people that want to help. Hope that makes sense!
Peace, love, health, happiness to you, always 
@Arvia i am so sorry for the loss of your partner…you must be still in shock and numb. I lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly a week before Christmas 2022., He was 53 years old. Just celebrated our 25th anniversary. I had wrapped up his Christmas presents and had found my unwrapped Christmas presents in the back room. It was the most horrendous time for me and my son. Just absolutely so unfair and cruel. A year on has got easier and the rawness has gone but I still do cry and think and miss my husband every day. This year I am not celebrating Christmas, just having a normal quiet day, it feels much more real as last year I was in shock and it was a blur. Luckily I have some good friends that have been a distraction and have met up with some lovely people on here. Take one hour at a time and don’t look into the future as the future hasn’t arrived and we can’t control the future like we couldn’t control the past. Take care and keep reaching out on here.
Big hugs xx
Hi Rockstar. My husband also died in April. We were only together 7 years but he was the love of my life and my true soul mate. This Christmas i just feel completely numb, as if its not real, not really happening. I can’t motivate myself to do anything other than walk the dogs. Ive just been slumped in front of the tv. But today will end , like all other days. Im trying to rest and just go with the flow as ive been trying to keep ultra busy since he died and have burnt myself out. I hope everyone is able to get through this difficult time. My thoughts are with you all. Everywhere. X
Hi @Freddie123
Sorry to here about your husband.
My husband passed away in June 2023.
I miss him terribly but i know i cant change anything. I thought treating christmas as just another day like ever other day would be easy
Who am i kidding it still hurts the tears still flow.
Me too Tv on but cant really watch anything brain unable to process anything.
Wishing this year was over my husband passing my mum with dementia going into care home my husband’s friend died suddenly. Not sure how much more i can take this year.
Sending hugs
Lynne Xx
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My mum passed away 4 weeks ago , been alone today first Christmas by myself , tried to keep busy , but it’s not easy as we’re all saying on the forum , but if we can all get through today I’m sure we will be stronger for it come new year , sending best wishes to you all
Hi @Nltt
So sorry about your mum.
I’ts so hard dealing with everything and being on your own.
My husband passed away over 7 months ago and this is my 1st Christmas without him.
People on this forum are always available to listen and help. You really are not on your own.
Sending hugs
Lynne X
Hi @ Rockstar,
@JerryH said to me after my first post - I could’ve written that - and I think we all could’ve written your post too. We’re all in an unfortunate club and there are no answers to make it all right. But this forum of sharing and caring will hopefully help you through your darker days. Just reading other people’s posts and knowing that they are going through exactly the same somehow makes it more bearable. All the very best to you. X
Sending hugs to you too. At least the day is nearly over now. Xx