Hi, you’ve hit the nail on the head there. I lost my soulmate of 50 years the day before Christmas 2020 and now that time of year is almost unbearable, just thinking back at the good times we’d had and to the years we’d hoped for in the future, all sadly taken away now. But I can fully appreciate when you refer to responsibility being all yours now for everything. We too would have our “own” duties around the home and for different things which we just took for granted but now every decision has to be mine alone, and it really is quite daunting. I too find the quietness overwhelming at times and like I’m the last person alive with no one to talk to. Hope you will soon start to pick up a bit and see the light glinting thru again. Take care
3 Likes
Hi @george73
I am so sorry for your loss. Taking full responsibility for everything now has taught me a thing or two in the past 8 months, I am hoping to feel more confident dealing with everything someday. Live and learn as they say!
It is part of the new norm that I have no choice but to just get on with it.
What I hate so much is coming home to an empty house filled with silence and loneliness. I find myself talking to him everyday morning afternoon and evening about what I am going to do where I am going good morning good night etc. and that helps me get through each day 
.
I hope you got through Christmas and New Year with love and support from your nearest and dearest!
Take care & best wishes for the more positive 2024 for everyone X
4 Likes
Of course its a natural reaction that if you love someone deeply as you and me have then the deeper your love the deeper the hurt is-it just shows that you loved him very deeply and it sounds hard but it will get better as my brother told me after two years of losing his wife he finds it easier to bear -so do not give up you will make it through and remember the good times.xx
1 Like
Angel 1309 You have the best idea -I feel better talking to my partner who I lost a week ago i am in early stages and have a long way to go but we always talked together so much that it feels better to carry on, it feels comforting and i hope it may help others too.?
2 Likes
Thank you, it feels soothing and comforting as if he was still around everyday, doesn’t it. I am pleased it works for you too.
Sending love & hugs to everyone X
i understand how you are feeling, i lost my partner after ten years a year ago and i have just lost my mam who was my best friend in july nobody understands i miss them so much
Its 3 years now since I lost my wonderful Val and I still miss her every waking moment. Its just so hard without her, so many things just trigger off my emotions , might be a song.a picture, something comes on TV…anything and I’m in floods of tears, just as I am right now typing this. We had so many plans of what came next, but all sadly gone now. After 3 years I still talk to her, say good morning , goodnight and open her wardrobe to hug her clothes as if it were her, just hoping to catch a familiar whisp of her perfume, its so hard. I know we’re all in the same boat and just hope that we can all get thru these dreadful days. Take care
5 Likes
thank you very much for that
I am so sad and bereft today. It would be my husband’s 85th birthday tomorrow and he died 18 months ago. I must feel so bereft. we were married for 54 years. I have 2 sons and their respective wives and children but they don’t grieve as I grieve and have their busy lives. I moved house 7 months ago to be nearer to them but I don’t see them anymore than when I was in my previous home 7 miles away and I miss my home of 47 years and just don’t know which way to turn now. If I keep saying that I feel unsettled in this new place and that I’m still feel so heartbroken it upsets them and worries them so I have to keep putting on a Bafta performance of coping and settling but inside I am totally broken. How do i get throu8gh this. i have no close friends now and so miss my old neighbours who were like friends of late.
I am so sorry that you are feeling so lonely Pat 91. I lost my husband just 16 weeks ago but I am lucky that my daughter lives just 5 miles away. My son was in the process of moving to Bournemouth when his Dad died, so I see little of him now although we do speak on the phone and I spent New Year down there with him and his wife. Moving was discussed with me, but I cannot leave here as all our memories of 48 years of marriage are in these walls. Perhaps you can talk to your sons and be totally honest with them. I understand you don’t want to upset them but at the same time I am sure they don’t realise that you feel isolated. Perhaps they would make more of an effort to visit you on a regular basis if they understood your heartache.
I regret moving as we had shared that home for so many years but when my husband died I was so bereft and in turmoil and I was influenced greatly and particularly by my younger son who was so close to his father that it would be the right thing to do bearing in mind I am 80. They are both good sons but have their lives and work and daughter in laws are not like daughters! This new house is nice but the area is deathly quiet and where I was before was a busy London suburb. But it was a mistake that I will have to live with and somehow find a way through it all. I worry also that the amenities here are not as good… doctors etc but I will somehow have to get on with it but I’m really struggling so much. i keep feeling that Ive let my husband down by not staying in the house he loved and looking after it. Grief is such a dreadful thing as I know you yourself must endure it. Thank you for your kind reply.
I really feel for you. I was married for 54 years and life is horrible now. I have also got double vision which is making my stress worse. My life has changed so much in the last 4 months. Dont know how to cope and like you feel so lonely even though i see my family, but it isnt the same as it was. Feel life not worth living at times , do i move house or get a lodger. Cant cope with my own company. Take care Pat, i know what its like after a lifetime with your partner. Love and hugs to you.
Hi @Debbiea @ Pat91 @ Retired2
Sorry to here how you are coping on this new lives we find yourselves with.
My husband passed away suddenly on 8th June 2023 aged 63. One of his workmates who was as his funeral died 4th Dec aged 66. Life is so cruel 
i did attend his funeral as i felt my husband would want me to but it was really hard being so close to my loss but i managed and now trying to cope with everything that crops up.
My mum who has dementia went into full time care a week before Christmas so i have had one hell of a year.
I dont have family close by so basically coping on my own with a few phone calls from friends who also do not stay close.
So trying to join clubs and make new ones no easy task when your in your late 60’s.
I dread weekends and nights i feel so alone.
I try to go out during the week to keep busy but when youve been part of a couple for 38years it seems like impossible .
I dont know who i am on my own anymore it feels like i gave been split in two and not sleeping well or eating and my mind is so mixed up i cant concentrate on anything.
The thought of being like this for another 20+ years holds no pleasure.
Take care
Lynne Xx
Yes I empathise with all of that. Just dread getting up each day and it’s just my old Labrador dog aged 15 who keeps me half sane. But I ( like all of you) am so terribly lonely. I feel too that I’ve lost my identity and been split down the middle. The person I was is not there anymore and never will be. Also I feel resentful when I hear from my own sons of all the nice things that they are doing as a family which is so wrong of me as I want them to be happy but just feel so bereft myself. How awful losing your other half is .
1 Like
Hello….
Getting up each day is a mighty struggle!!
It’s so hard to believe and so sad that we are all on here with broken heart……
They say time is a great healer,
I’m like many of you bereft and wonder what the future holds!?
I’ve just turned 51, I lost Alan at the end of October at the age of 57….he had a heart attack on his way to work…
I don’t know whether this is traumatic grief or complicated grief…
All I know is it feels like a grief that will never leave me
Alison.
Hi @AJO Alison
Yes it really is so hard getting through each day. 7 months on i feel like it was just yesterday people really dont know how much heartache grief you have. Most people say call me but i cant put my pain grief on others so i manage on my own not great but i carry on.
I am busy with things during the day butbyge nights and weekends get to me when i feel alone at home quietness and loneliness but each of us all go through this and it is not easy.
I just want to hibernate sleep but unfortunately my mind does not let me.
Wishing you a good weekend however you spend or get through it.
Take care
Lynne X
1 Like
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful reply….
I feel like you and hibernating also
Take Care
X
Yes stay strong.
Keep going and one day dont know when we will get through survive the next thing live throws at us.
I cry get upset shout but i believe there must be a reason why im still here
I will volunteer back with MacMillan as soon as i am able to this year
Sleep well tonight.
I couldnt yesterday so took a sleeping tablet tonight i will hopefully not need one.
Take care
Lynne x
Such a strange place we find ourselves in…
I hope that sleep finds you a little bit tonight.
I like yourself do not sleep unless I take a tablet to help me.
Take care
Alison
x
I’m the same. Cant be alone in my house. We done every together for 48 years.