This is so true Jay. No one knows what it’s like or how useless it is to get a hobby or something to take your mind away from it. It’s just as lonely being with people, as it is as being on one’s own, because it’s an inside thing and the loneliness is for the special person that knew you inside out and back to front, the person you shared everything with when you shut your door and closed your eyes at night. I don’t have anyone to go out with, my only friends are living with disablement and I’ve started to go out on my own, which is something as a woman and quite shy, I don’t have the courage for, but do anyway, cos I just can’t stand being alone, sitting at home with the tele every night. Sometimes I can be determined and push myself to do things and hope that ahead there will be a new life, but at other times, like today, I can’t motivate myself and depression is in control. After doing the things I had to do, I went to bed…the worst in the world to do when you’re depressed but after a night with little sleep, I don’t have the will to fight today. My husband died 13th January 2016, coming home from work on his motorbike, he crashed into a parked car and died at the scene. I was at home, cooking his tea, waiting for him. I just can’t get over being without him, or what happened. I’ve wanted to not be here at all and wished that I had been riding pillion with him that day and went with him. Today is such a day.
You are so right. Loneliness doesn’t even begin to describe it. I read somewhere that in the end our grief has to be our own private journey and experience, no matter how much support others try to give. It feels to me like a prison sentence, and I often think I’m just going to have to ‘do the time’ and just get through it a day at a time, or even a minute at a time on those bad days. Sorry to be bleak, but at least on this forum we’re among friends, and we’re all experiencing our own versions of loss and grief. I take heart from people who are further down the line who do manage to forge a new life despite the long term grief. You just have to keep going and do what you can, just don’t give up. Kind thoughts to you.
Hi Gailee, just to let you know I’ve just been for coffee with a nice lady from Jolly Dollies. Nice to sit face to face with someone who knows what it’s like, although we both had to keep changing the subject because we were welling up in the coffee shop. I was so nervous about going and almost cancelled but made myself go, and so proud of myself for making it. Nothing can dull the pain but it’s good to share with a kindred spirit and we’ve said we’ll meet up again. She also recommended Way Up and says they’re a very good group.
Hi gailee. I know exactly how you feel the same goes with me I lost my partner of 23years. Last June I go to work every day and has I work on my own I have nobody to talk to. I get home close the door and yet again nobody to talk to every time I close the door a little bit of me dies I try to shake it of but nobody will understand. It’s OK for them to say it gets easier. But it’s not at the moment. I feel for you keep strong if you want to talk I’m a good listener x
I work on my own too. Sometimes it’s a blessing because I can cry over my computer, but other times I think a few work colleagues would do me good. At least we all understand here x
Hi mate is this jolly dollies a local charity.
Hi it’s a nationwide organisation for widows.
Thank you for your encouragement Moz. I don’t think you are being bleak, your being real. Today was a little better. It does help, being here with people that really understand.
I know, it’s just so hard to keep going isn’t it? It’s only 10 weeks for me and already I’m exhausted. Every day is such a trial.
Hi Moz Thanks for reply was unsure about paypal but think I’ll chance it, great you had a reply so soon, soz I not on site too much was working part time but now soon going back full time not looking forward to it but needs must and all that, take carel let me know how meet up goes!
Hi David sorry for your loss, I to had to go back into employment initially part time but now needs must I have to go full time I am “lucky” in as much I have three teenage daughters at home but they have their own lives and I don’t really see that much of them, my life was Tommie my soulmate of 21yrs, I am 56 and like you found it difficult to find refs etc, I wish you lots of luck let me know how it goes!
Hi Gilly jus read your post, Its quite surprising you feel so alone and feel no one understands but its quite overwhelming to actually realise when you go on this site how many people do understand how you feel cos everyone feels the same and we all have so much in common with the huge loss of our love ones, I for one wish I had found this site earlier it so helps to talk to others and sometimes I read a post and sit here nodding an acknowledgment, best wishes Gailee
How strange, just yesterday, I did the same thing, opened a paypal account, not having used it before, or even bought anything online, but finding I now need to but am real nervous about using it. Opened the account - not used it yet.
Hi everyone,I’m after some suggestions, this thurs(16th) will be the first anniversary of losing my dear hubby Tommie I have got the day off work and as a family would like to commemorate it with my girls in some way, apart from taking a huge bunch of roses to his resting place I don’t know what else to do any ideas? Gailee
Hi Gailee
Do you have a favourite restaurant that you and Tommie went too? perhaps you can go with your family and toast him and reminisce (especially if it is more than one toast).
Alan
Hi Alan, Thanks for reply, never really had a special restaurant or place always went to the same Frankie and Benny’s for every celebration but appreciate the suggestion. Gailee