@Cloudysky I think the questioning is normal. I went over and over everything trying to think were it went wrong, if it was my fault, if I missed something, it was torture. I still do, but maybe not so much as before, I guess that’s just coming to terms with it all x
@Beachwalks I’m so sorry you’ve been through so much. I guess I’ll try counselling it can’t hurt and if it’s not doing any good I’ll just stop. I think maybe it will be good to talk about things with someone who’s not emotionally involved. Ah your little dog must be a comfort, they sense when we need them don’t they x
@Cab I’m so sorry, it’s all absolutely exhausting isn’t it, just a sadness all the time, sending you lots of love x
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I’m just having a bad night tonight, I’m missing my wife, she’s been gone just over 3 months, and I thought she would outlive me, how wrong can you be,
I cry most days, it is getting easier, I don’t cry so much as when I first lost her, it was several times a day, now it’s once or twice a day.
The thing is, as we got older, I found myself loving her more and more, we were married for 42 years, January 2025 was going to be 43 years but that fxxxing cancer got to her and I lost her, I just want her back or the chance to turn back time.
Is this hell?
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@Yorkie247 I’m so sorry for your loss. 42 years what a wonderful achievement. My husband and I would have been married 35 years this year, we had been together since we were 15. It dawned on me the other day, I’ve never been an adult without him by my side. It feels like a part of us is missing doesn’t it. Crying is good, it helps to release your emotions but it’s also good that you can go a bit longer without crying, baby steps. Take care
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It is 9 months now. I went away for a week and being somewhere different helped a bit. I came home feeling a bit more able to cope. But yesterday, three days after I got back, I crashed and now in the same awful state of being alone, missing him so much and just awful. You just have to keep going, but it is so hard
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@mary2 but you took that first step in the right direction going away, next time it may be a little easier when you get home, baby steps. I listened to an audio booked that explained that our grief stays the same (as we’ve lost someone we loved so much) but that we grow other memories around that grief, always carrying them with us, but the pain becomes less raw and the happy memories of them come to the front. You’re on the way, take care x
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@Yorkie247 So sorry to hear you were having a bad night last night. The loss of your dear wife after such a long time must be beyond and I fully understand what you’re going through.
I lost my partner of 30 odd years in 2022 but in hindsight lost him three years prior to that due to having to go in a home which I visited every day. I didn’t think my life was over when he passed because he suffered n I suffered with him n mourned him whilst he was alive. A very strange situation.
I never thought or wanted to meet anyone as I didn’t want the hurt again but along came my darling John who gently and respectfully gave me space but I fell hopelessly for him. He was a true gent. Just two n half years into the best relationship I had ever had in my life, he died last week. Devastating is the word. Last night was awful like yours but this morning I feel more calm. Later I’ll probably break down. It’s extremely raw for me as it’s so soon. We obviously didn’t have children together but our respective families are a comfort of sorts.
Life has its twists and turns and we don’t know what’s round the corner but as my John would say, that’s the excitement. I’m trying to grasp the days like he did but I fail miserably but I think this site and reading others sad situations makes us cry but also makes us realise there are millions out there the same and we have to try and be strong for our missing loved ones cause they’re always watching us. That’s the only comfort we have.
Now I’ll drag myself out of bed and face the day which is not going to be good as I’ve to drive over to Johns house where most of our memories are…
Hoping today n tonight are better for you.
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Thank you for that. I feel better today, and like you, I am pushing myself to keep going.
I have good days and bad days.
Thank you Allih
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I can’t even think about going away at the moment, I have it in my head that she will walk through the door any minute now.
@Yorkie247 everything can be done when, and if, you are ready.
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@Mitzi1 I’m so sorry for your loss x. Your John sounds like a wonderful person with a beautiful outlook on life. How blessed we were to have such amazing people in our lives. I hope today isn’t too bad for you, sending hugs x
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@AlliH Thank you for that. Yes John was a beautiful person with a very different outlook on life which he seized every day. I am trying to be like him as much as I can be but I’ll never match him. I was fortunate to have him for too shorter time but we all know the saying ‘ better to have loved n lost than never to have loved’. Not sure I can agree with that just now.
Tomorrow will be bad as registering his parting along with his lovely son.
Love n kindness to all
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@AlliH I have just been to my first counselling session. It is via my doctors surgery and I get 6 x 45 minute sessions. I had a bit of a cry to start with but he was lovely, and although it absolutely does not change anything, I feel a bit lighter,
although exhausted. Me and my husband went on holidays frequently, have cancelled all of this years which was so difficult. I live nearish to a Potters resort and myself and my best friend, who has also lost her husband, have booked an adult only weekend there. It consists of West end shows, lovely food etc and is all inclusive so stress free. It’s a few weeks away, but my sons encouraged me to go, and she is so happy I am going with her. Its quite a few weeks away so hopefully will do us both good xx
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Hi Yorkie 247. I can certainly sympathise with you about that dreadful cancer. My husband died in August 2024 so sudden he had been having a lot of chest infections and all the antibiotics never helped he was getting worse , so in June 2024 he was admitted to hospital 18 June then on 26th June the diagnosis was given cancer in 3 areas no chance of a cure to far advanced it was devastating, he was a wee bit older than me, he had retired and kept busy with his DIY and had taken up wood turning he had so many ideas planned . We had been married 3 years ( both had been married before Jim’s wife died of cancer 5 years ago and my husband was a lorry driver and in 2009 had an accident and was killed he was 49 and I was first widowed at age of 48.).
This grief is totally different from before I visited jim in hospital nearly every day sitting by his bed side knowing what the out come was and not knowing how long unfortunately he only got 8 weeks and that thought lives with me he was kept comfortable and what he must have thought as we never really spoke about it but he was sleeping most of the time due to the medication. His family don’t contact but I knew that was obvious. My family don’t bother ( I don’t have children), very little support friends say they will contact. But they never do . Society has changed so much . I have my do which gives me purpose to get up in the morning, but this overwhelming grief hits me and it’s awfull.
Just existing day to day , this time last year he was here he was 77 but certainly didn’t look it he kept busy now it’s just silence I just wander when this feeling will ease . Sorry if I’ve ranted on but writing on here gets it out of my system . I get bereavement counselling an hour each session and I am so exhausted after each session on the 4 th one another 4 to go .
So if you need to rant about how you feel that’s ok.
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@AlliH
Unfortunately I’ve got up and feel so done. I was ok yesterday went to a bereavement group meeting which was good. I know there is a marked difference from the first time I went but today not feeling it. I want to cry but can’t do making me feel sick. I’m fed up of feeling like this. I miss him each day we fitted like a hand and glove. Is it really better to have loved and lost. I really don’t know. X
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@Tenpin I’m sorry you’re feeling low today. You may have exhausted yourself yesterday, I know I get tired so easily and then when I’m tired everything just seems so overwhelming. Maybe a quiet day today, cry if you need to and then tomorrow hopefully will be a better day. This is such an awful journey, but we will get through it one day at a time, sending love x
@Mitzi1 will be thinking of you tomorrow xx
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@Beachwalks I’m so sorry you don’t have a lot of support after such a traumatic time, we are all here for you if you need us x