Thats how I feel, ive given up got not motivation anymore and not bothered about anything
Hope you feel better soon your not having a good time with it x
Same as you i have given up .i get help cleaning the house our neice helps
I don’t even do that anymore x
I just keep it tidy
I am trying but everything is getting worse and not better.
Just tookmy antibiotic nearly all done
That is what i am saying it is not getting better. It is getting worse. I just cannot cone to terms i have lost my maria
Yes, I hear you this pain in my heart is unbearable and the only thing that can mend it is the one thing that is never going to happen
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Only he can mend my broken heart 
He was so strong and was fighting this horrible disease for so long. Sometimes I could see in his eyes that even though we both believed things will get better, he was worried. He could see that things weren’t getting better. But what hurts me is that he was more worried about me than him. Worried how I am going to cope if anything happened to him.
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Mark only had 4 weeks, everything happened so fast I still can’t come to terms that I lost him in such a short space of time.
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@Lou27 im so sorry for your loss, its very early days for you, if you can stay off work for longer, stay off. I felt i was ready to return after 3 months as i needed something else to focus on. I was able to do phased return which helped. Can you do this.
My husband passed away almost 5 months ago, he was 53, very suddenly from heart attack and my head is just clearing from the fog. I have better days now and bad days, like today but i keep going for my adult children and grandchildren.
Take one day at a time and one hour or one minute and try to go for walk, it does help
Sending hugs 
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Well been out for my bday and it’s like I wasn’t there to be honest just couldn’t wait to get home. Now I’m worried to death about my youngest son who is a fire fighter and is on the moors trying to put out a huge fire with the wind whipping it up…I can see it from my house n it’s horrendous. At one time I wouldn’t have worried but now since losing John I’m terrified of losing anyone else. I’ve never felt like this before.
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Thank you x
I probably could just do few hours to begin with. I think my employer would understand.
I just feel so confused. One minute i think I probably should go back and then I am like I can’t even get up in the morning because I don’t sleep at night. I want to only remember the good times we had but those last two weeks in the hospital are so painful.
He wanted to discharged himself and go home and I stopped him. And I wish I didn’t. I feel so guilty. 
I am sorry you didn’t have a good day.
The pain of loosing a love one is so big . And I suppose because we hurting so much, we naturally worry now about the love ones we have.
My mum was cancer free for 6 years and it came back. She’s 71 and I am scared. I am praying that the treatment will help but so scared as I can not loose her. I am in pieces now.
I know its easier said than done but try to sleep, grief and crying is exhausting so if possible sleep any time you can. Walking in fresh air helps.
Everything is confusing right now so dont decide anything yet.
The good memories will return in time, can you look at happy photos.
I wasn’t with my husband when he died and still feel guilt. You were doing what you thought was best for him at the time
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My husband also wanted to go home but like you I pushed him into going to the hospice, I thought it would be better for him to have nurses around if he needed anything.
Like you I felt guilty for not giving in to what my husband wanted, he was only in the hospice for 4 days before he passed away
I had awful night.
I haven’t slept properly for months.
I thought I was doing the right thing at the time but once we were moved to another ward it went from bad to worse. One moment doctor was telling me he’s turning corner and next moment she couldn’t speak. Every day was a different doctor, every day they were changing antibiotics and I could see him slowly slipping away. He was dying in front of me as his body given up the fight. And those memories hurts so much.
I wish that moment he said he wanted to leave, we came back home.
I don’t know what the outcome would have been but 
I don’t know anymore. I feel so angry.
Your husband was in the best possible place with love all around him. He was safe, hopefully pain free and treated with dignity and with 24 hour care which he most certainly needed. You probably know that deep down but you are grieving n sad n lonely n all our negative thoughts surface all the time in these circumstances. It’s like we have to punish ourselves but we have to give ourselves a pat on the back for doing the right thing.
I would think most people want to go home, which is our haven but sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind.
My mum who was a very determined lady had a stroke and there was no way I could look after her, she couldn’t walk properly and dementia was setting in and we would have argued constantly. A decision was made by doctors that 24 hour care was needed n so I found her the best place but she never forgave me. I didn’t leave her in a home for my benefit she was there to be cared for and I could visit n chat n take her out for a day n be mum n daughter.
Losing John 3 weeks ago suddenly is horrendous n all I can see is ambulance doors being shut in my face n they wouldn’t let me in because they were working on him. All I can think is I wasn’t holding his hand. Deep down I know I couldn’t be in there so I’m tormenting myself with these thoughts…Hopefully these will go away in time and yours will too.
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