I loved watching the Eurovision first with my late father and then of course with my husband. It will be three months tomorrow that my beloved husband died suddenly. And here I am, left behind, crying and watching Eurovision on my own and nobody to talk to. Is this my future life you bloody can keep it. There is no reason to carry on for me. I am angry but not that my husband left me but more angry about myself. For him, I was always his rock in stormy waters, the one who helped him when he was down, etc. Now I am a self-pity crying bundle of sadness, not knowing what to do next. I am feeling that I let my husband down. Am I the only one who has these feelings?
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@Annaessex I have been thinking the same. 5 months next weekend I lost my husband suddenly. I am now watching the Eurovision which I never used too apart from last year with my husband though only a little bit. I’m so wishing he could be here now. I hate the weekends which seems to be coming round quickly. I just been looking at photos of my husband on holiday in September on our 25th wedding anniversary and notice his weight loss in the photos but never noticed his weight loss till late November. I think why did I not notice earlier than late November. I was his wife after all. Got him down the doctor’s but was too late. Life really is unfair and cruel. You said that you was his rock so sounds like you didn’t let him down. We now have not got the person we would take our frustration out on or if something annoy us we would most probably take it out on our husbands but now we can’t do that so direct the anger to ourselves. Be kind to yourself… Big hugs xx
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Hi lovey , no youre definitely not the only one who feels like that ! Im watching eurovision too and feel like you alone and unloved. I always protected my husband too but this time i couldn’t and it feels so rubbish and i feel guilty i couldn’t do that this time 
xxx
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Thsts a good point hazel about directing our anger at ourselves as cant tell our husbands were fed up ! Never thought of that xx
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Hazel its 5 month’s for me too on tuesday ;( i dont feel ive gone very far on this journey because i have been crying for most of the last 5 months xx
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Yes definitely know what you mean debs. I lost my husband a week before Christmas. I cry every day and shout out where are you. I could have another 25/30 years of this though I been told not to look into the future too much. Xx
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No …dont. a day at a time … that’s about all i can stomach at this point anyway seem as im up and down like a bliming yo yo … xx
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It’s nearly8 months since I lost my lovely husband.He was diagnosed in 2018 and I used to secretly cry in the shower every evening ,then the shock of him dying and the grieving since The agony has been for so long today I found myself screaming at God why was he so cruel all the time to the good people with kind souls.All around me I see people who are the pits,don’t care who they treat badly don’t care how they abuse their bodies with drink and cigarettes .It really hit me today the world is upside down the good suffer the bad thrive and prosper
So sorry to rant I just can’t keep it in today
Hugs to everyone
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Hi everyone i watched Eurovision too cried at some of the words of them songs .But sweden was my favorite .I lost my partner 4 weeks ago so very raw and im not coping at all without him its si loneley Thanks for been there xxx.
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Yeh theres definitely some horrible people who deserve not to be here and my husband was a kind man … he didnt deserve it … i wish now i had taken him private but it was too late @ i just miss life i had with him do you ? Its awful xxx he was so bloody special ! God dammit … xx
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You know Debs these things happen so unexpectedly or quickly we don’t know what to do .My husband had a wonderfully successful triple bypass in 2018 the consultant at Bart’s said have a good healthy 20 years Zeki .We were so happy but at the same time they had detected a suggestion of Interstitial Lung disease but he had no symptoms.This disease has no cure no treatment nothing anybody diagnosed lives fo 3-5 years I was terrified as I could do nothing: The consultant eventually gave him steroids when he started suffering after the pandemic.Put his name down for a drug at UCH but we got the letter too late .I chased it up 3 times and eventually got the appointment for 3 Nov my birthday but it was too late he died 29 Sep .6 months dithering it would have probably given him a year or two extra.It was just an experimental drug controlled by one team authorised for use by the uk the previous Nov.I just struggle to overcome the pain of the whole thing.I don’t have any family we were the best of friends as well as being married .What was the situation in your case what makes you worry that maybe you should have gone private ,the pain is all encompassing isn’t it
Love and hugs Ann
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@Deb5 gosh I am plagued by thoughts similar to yours …….what if I’d literally forced him into the doctors before it was too late etc etc . The problem is that he didn’t really have any specific symptoms and kept telling me he was fine . What can I do , it’s horrible x💔
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@19Lefke95 im so sorry to read about what happened to your lovely man . I keep wondering “ what if “ about so many things, problem is that my love had no specific symptoms that I doubt anything would have been detected. Sadly it was only discovered when he actually died - I’m broken. Sending hugs x
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My husband was told by his consultant in september 2022 - nothing sinister ! Then had biopsy found cancer, first it was gonna be an op , then chemo, then said too late cant do anything ! He survived another 6 weeks thats all ! My darling wonderful husband who i had loved for 37 years ! I just wish i hadnt trusted the NHS and gone private ! Its all a farce ! now im left with no husband to love i got kids , all grown up , been.awful since funeral.4 months ago. One daughter is ok with me now thank god xx
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Yes that is sad because it was out of your hands and afterwards we are left with all those what ifs and you just couldn’t change it I’m so sad for you but we must keep going and winxxhugs
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I feel so much for you as it was really out of your hands we just don’t know what is exactly going on at the time now in retrospect I expect we are all experts but at the time you didn’t know exactly what should be done xxhugs
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@19Lefke95 yes I know that ultimately this is one fight that I simply have to win . It’s early days and yes I’m still thinking about the “ what it’s “ but I’m devoting less time to these now x
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@Ladysuisei6 I’m so sorry that you have lost your husband. I wish I got my husband down the doctor earlier as he suddenly died. Went to work on the Saturday and Sunday I got a call from my son to say that dad had collapsed. Time I got home he was gone. Did CPR as ambulance wasn’t there yet. He was 53 years old. We had a post mortem and he died of a massive rear saddle pulmonary embolism and kidney cancer in both kidneys which had burst through the lining of the kidney and sitting at the bottom of the blood vessels. My husband never knew that he had cancer and was working up till the day before. Life is so unfair and cruel.
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Yeh same with my husband too … took a pic of him on our last holiday july 2022 - you wouldnt even know he was ill however he did have a few symptoms which in hindsight were clues … but im not a dr am i … and it seems you cant rely on the drs anymore to diagnose anything in advance but he wouldnt go to drs either ! Kept telling him to go ;( xxx
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Thats good … how far on are you ? I just miss him eveey bliming day … just talking to him and hearing his voice ! It kills me ! 37 years of hearing his voice … so reassuring x
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