I got up this morning quite optimistic that today will be a good day. I started with my laundry and here we go again - crying my eyes out, calling my beloved husband’s name. Why did you not take me with you? And another lonely long weekend coming up. I want our old life back, my happy life with my lovely husband back. Will this pain ever stop? 
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@Annaessex I’m not sure how far on this awful path you are but the fact that you got up this morning feeling optimistic is a good thing!! I lost my partner just over 3 months ago and still switch from feeling optimistic to bawling my eyes out at in an instant. I think we just have to go with the flow and keep hoping one day things will be less painful. For now I just take things one day at a time.
Likewise I find weekend’s especially awful. They seem to emphasise how lonely I am as everyone seems to do couple or family stuff. Not helped that he died on a Sunday.
Take care and I hope your washing gets dry! Looks like rain where I am. X
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Dear Doughtyj, Thank you for your reply. My husband died on Valentine’s Day this year suddenly and unexpectedly. I gave him my card and present and three hours later he was gone. I thought he had a heart attack but it was advanced kidney cancer which we never knew about. Hugs from Anna
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@Annaessex life is truly awful isn’t it. My partner died at work from a heart attack. I had only spoken to him 30 minutes before discussing our next holiday.
So hard to believe he’s gone and even harder trying to find a new meaning to life when all I want is him back.
Sending hugs back
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These long weekends definitely make things a lot harder. My darling Keef died mid February rather suddenly when it turned out that the cancer he’d had 20 years earlier had come back with a vengeance. I really hate Saturdays as that’s when he left me and my world fell apart. I’ve now decided, and don’t care what other people think, that if I want to cry (which to be honest is most of the time) I will and it doesn’t matter where I am.
Sending hugs to you all, this has to be the most dreadful things I’ve ever had to try and get through. I think that I should have a t-shirt made along the lines of Rapunzel from Disney’s Tangled where she says “Best Day Ever!” but instead I’d have the words “Worst Day Ever”!
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Totally agree it’s the worst thing I have ever had to deal with.
Likewise I decided I don’t care what other people think and if I feel I need to cry I do. If people don’t like it it’s their problem!
I like the T-shirt idea!! I’m just waiting for someone in the street to tell me the good old saying of “cheer up it might never happen “ when I’m out and looking sad. I don’t think they would bargain on the answer I give back.
Take care x
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I’m similar. I lost my fiancé on Feb 2nd. The day before our wedding!
It was a sudden tragic death - a fall related to excessive alcohol consumption. He’d been dry for a couple of years.
I miss him so much. I too am waiting for someone to say “it may never happen” it already did!!
I can be fine one minute then on the floor weeping the next.
The weekend loneliness is so hard.
I am determined to go somewhere away from the crowds for a walk and cry if I want to
Not look at Facebook
And remind myself it’s a lie that everyone is with someone else.
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Dear Carrotsgirl, So sorry for your loss. We will be strong in our grief and survive another weekend. Sending you good thoughts and hugs from Anna
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Hi,
I’m a wee bit further on the journey than you all (9months) and I’m not going to pretend this suddenly gets ‘better’ but you do start to see a way to carry on even if it’s just existing for now. You start to see glimmers of something every now and again. But it’s a bumpy old road.
The thing that pulls me on is that this should absolutely be hard. This is a completely normal way to feel. Gosh think what we’ve all lost? Why would we feel any different? But we’re all still here and while it’s hard to see the point, hold onto the fact that whatever you post here will reflect exactly how someone else is feeling and make them feel a bit less alone. Until we find another purpose, supporting each other here is as good a one as any.
This forum has pulled me through on days I thought I’d never make it. Please keep reaching out and know you’re not alone.
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I don’t post a lot but I read everything, and I have to say, this site is helping me enormously. I thought I knew grief when my father died. We were very close. But losing your life partner, your beloved, well it’s something else. My husband went into hospital with pneumonia, which was responding to i.v. antibiotics but after the first week he caught Covid. Yes, in the hospital! He died 2 weeks later on a ventilator. It’s been 3 months now but it’s not getting any easier yet.
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Hi ,and love to you all.
Im still grieving my son who i lost in 2007. I lost my partner in February to lung cancer and im broken.
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I really feel for you losing him the day before your wedding. As I have already said life is very cruel at times.
That’s the reassuring thing about this forum. We may all be experiencing the worst time if our lives, but knowing there are others in the same situation and being able to put how we’re feeling on here does help. Take care Janine
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Dear Trust, I am so sorry to hear that you lost your son and your partner. Sending you positive thoughts and lots of hugs from Anna.
Annaessex Thankyou for your kind words.
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It is 7 months since I lost my lovely husband beloved friend and soulmate.I inadvertently saw a photo of him today taken during the last weeks of his life.I have tried to avoid them but of course it’s made me so upset and I cry till it makes me sick.I feel,although I hope I am wrong,that I will not get over this intense grief it’s so frightening.
I am even scared to collect his ashes as it will be very final.I have accepted that he is gone but it’s squeezing my life from me .I read the posts to get some strength.We have to battle on together.
Lots of hugs
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@Annaessex @Doughtyj
Thankyou for your kind words the timing sucks but then is it ever a good time? - I’m still dealing with insurance claims!
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@19Lefke95
I agree that the posts on here keep me going. I only found this site last week when I was feeling so bereft and alone.
I was triggered by buying chewing gum yesterday and again when I had a piece today!!! . I think it’s perfectly normal to be triggered by things like photos however long it’s been. X
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@19Lefke95 Its those intense ambushes that really floor you, they come out of nowhere and make you feel you are back to day one on our journey. It is a battle and we are wounded and scarred, but we are such a strong army together. We are each other’s strength when we are down, so have courage - we’ve got you. Love and hugs
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Sandi thank you You are correct this is one mighty battle .We all seem to have these battles but the overall is a war.A huge war of survival.Thank goodness kind understanding people like you have got my back in this insidious war.
Love and many thank yous to everybody.
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