Have you ever woken up crying? I think I was dreaming about how Simon went. And I woke up with tears running some my face. And it’s gone down hill from there. Registering his death hit me. As I had to do it at the register office where we got married. I keep looking round seeing if there are little signs he is still with me in some way. 
. I feel like I am going mad. Thank you for the advice.
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@Hazel.1966
Ive got stuff i can do just no motivation, am thinking the same im 53 wondering if this is it now this is me for ever how many years i have left. 12 weeks ago Jane was taken from me and i just wish i could find a reason to keep going as the thought of 20/25 years of this seems more like a prison sentence and existing as opposed to actually living like i was before my life turned upside down with no warning
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@Rammie no but have woken up and started crying after having a dream of John as he is not sleeping next to me. I have so much guilt issues as well as going around in a cycle. This cycle seems to be lasting for ever. X
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@Narna I know what you mean… just so unfair and cruel. Really hate my new life. Yesterday I felt much better today I feel awful. I keep asking why has this happened. Thinking of you today xx
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@Hazel.1966
Yesterday afternoon i felt abit better and optimistic for once, i thought ive got this, then today its like im slowly sinking again and wondering exactly what have i done in my life to deserve this horror road i seem to be stuck on and ive still got to get through another day tomorrow because of this extended weekend, all i need now is a bloomin " oh the suns out " text that will just be the cherry on top today 
Sending hugs to you x
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So sad for you all. I have all the same feelings. I hate my new life. I feel like a different person. I do t even like the new me very much. I liked the old me much more. And I don’t know how to smile anymore. Hate that too.
I used to be such an optimistic person, always looking on best side through all the difficult health issues my husband had to deal with. Now I can’t see anything positive.
I’m 57, and like you are all saying, I can’t bear the thought of the next 20/25 years living like this.
I think the only consolation I have is that I could not bear to think that my husband would have to deal with what I am. He was very poorly for quite a few years and relied on me so much. I know he wouldn’t have coped without me.
Big hugs to you all 
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Dear Narna
Hate those texts/ comments the suns out, that will make you feel better too!!!
What dont they get about what we are dealing with
Bug hugs
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@Cathphil
Exactly, like the sun comes out and all our grief just disappears and everything is good in the world 
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@Rammie
Yes, I have woken up crying a couple of times at least.
I’m about a year ahead of you on this horrible grief journey but I am at least making a life. It still hurts but less all consuming and I have better times - even having fun sometimes. Hang on in there my friend.
Hugs
Karen xxx
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Funeral yesterday. Feel a million times worse today. Nothing left. Nothing I can plan for. The house is empty. Hate being in it. But hate being away from it. Feel like I am going crazy. And really don’t think I can do this. Life is absolute 
. All I had was him. There were so many people at the funeral. All there for him to show how much they loved him. People I have never met. And now. Nothing. All quiet on the Western Front as they say. How do I get through this. And if I do what, is the point. And don’t say he would want me too!
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Dear Rammie, I understand how lonely and helpless you feel. My husband’s funeral was two months and thirteen days ago. in the meanwhile, I have my husband’s urn in our bedroom (still cannot say my bedroom) and still cannot believe that he is gone. I try to keep myself busy and have regular breakdowns but it does help to know that we are not alone in our grief and despair. I met also people at his funeral I never met before and one of his colleagues talked about him very nicely at the service. They also installed a bench with my husband’s name on their roof terrace where they had the yearly BBQ and my husband was the chef. I also contacted my local priest and asked about a local bereavement group. And no you are not going crazy - I still think that it is just a horrible nightmare and I will wake up any minute. There is always a deafening silence in the house, although the music or the TV is on.
I am also on my own and I hate that life and just to think it might go on for years makes me shiver. Please keep posting how you feel and there will be always someone who will reply to you - even when nobody can replace your lovely husband. We will go through this together. 
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@Rammie it is so natural to feel like this and you are not going crazy. It is the horrible grief that you are going through and still so raw. I found that I struggled and still do after my lovely husband funeral. Its horrendous feeling and the realisation that our love ones are not coming back hits you like a ton. I lost my husband suddenly 5 months ago and miss him like mad and feel so lonely in my grief and without my hubby. Please reach out and you are not alone in this horrendous journey. Sending lots of love Xx
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@Rammie
I know exactly how your feeling, at Jane’s funeral there where people id never met or heard of but also a few two faced people who would have had no problem with malicious gossip whilst Jane was alive.
It’s the emptiness after everyone had gone home and your left in absolute silence and loneliness. Jane passed 15 weeks and 2 days ago and im still struggling to come to terms she has gone, its like im experiencing the worst emotions i can imagine but at the same time im still hoping Jane is going to walk through the door.
I have to look at her urn and tell myself its impossible for Jane to come back but there is still part of me which refuses to accept this.
I go to sleep every night begging Jane to come and get me, just wish it was that easy to escape this nightmare. 
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@Narna that is how I feel that I also beg and call out for my husband to come home though deep down I know he can’t come back or would be here now with me as he never wanted to leave. Out of our love ones control and out of our control. I never ever expected my husband to suddenly die as though I knew something wasn’t right I never expected this horrendous outcome. I been told that the shock will stay with you for a long time and the denial stage can last for a very long time.
I had a lot of people who came to my husband funeral that I haven’t heard from since including his sister and niece. A couple of friends wrote in my husband memory book that they will always be here for me and my son. What a lot of bull shit as not heard from them since. These are people who I have known for years and came to our 25th wedding anniversary. If ever they get in touch I will ignore them. I have got other friends who have been there for me. Like you said the missing and the loneliness of our love ones is horrendous. I do wonder what we have done so wrong in life to suffer with this awful journey. Definitely been robbed of our future plans and dreams and our love ones have been robbed of their lives. Big hugs xx
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The days just after the funeral are truly despairing. It’s all so final and you just feel an emptiness inside and so very lonely. You have us here, your grief family so you are not walking this path alone.
This will sound bizarre but I actually wanted everyone to just disappear at his funeral so it was just me and him. Nobody at his funeral has made contact with me since, they just carry on with their lives without a thought for how we are going to cope. Sending you a hug
Lyn
X
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