First time on here. Lost my husband beginning of December. Just want to be in touch with other people in the same boat

hi Moz im very sorry for your loss (im 57 my wife was 41 she passed away in March last year).Ta such thing ke it 1 day at a time .To say its raw is an understatement .Theres no such thing as ranting or moaning on here .In this special club you can offload at anytime people will help and youll never be judged or told to shut up .Dont be a stranger on here Colin

Hi Moz
welcome to our club of the broken hearted and the bereft. You have my true sympathies for your loss. I don’t really know what to say that will bring you comfort. I will refrain from the patronizing cliches of “well tomorrow is another day” and the pricelessly awful “time will heal” My gp actually said that to me. So all I can say is something bland but heartfelt I am truely so sorry for your loss.

I lost my little old mum on November the 6th of 2016 and her birthday was on Christmas day she would have been 89. I was her sole carer, been looking after her for a number of years.when she passed away a bit of me went to. I woke up one day and realized there was no one for me now and I am on my own with all this… WIth being preoccupied with caring I have lost a few friends and since I have not been in a relationship for a long time there is no family of my own. I do have a sister and a brother, both older and now completely estranged.

I am in an odd position where I have to start all over again…looking for a job (easier said than done at the age of 52) and a new home.

The only positive things that I can come out with is that there are good folks on this site who understand the pain, isolation and longing that yo may be feeling at some times. so feel free to off load…the festive season was a bad time for a load of us, but for you it must have been much worse being so close to your loss.

Never mind me…I have been out of things for a while, and this is due to technical issues and my own self withdrawal I find that I get tearful a lot…and rather lost with the pain of it all.
I just hope that your nights are a little easier and that you feel some form of inner peace.

Hi Moz,

I lost my Husband Terry at the end of November. It’s heartbreaking my love you have my utmost sympathy, sorry to welcome you into this club none of us want to be members of.
Like the others say please rant or whatever you need to on here.

I wish you some peace .

Love Sue xx

Thanks Colin, sorry to hear about your wife. I’m 58 and my husband was 64, died 6 weeks ago, so recent and yet feels like a lifetime.

Hi David, Thanks for all of that, it really helps

Hi Sue, Thank you. Heartbreaking is so right, never appreciated the meaning of the word until now. You’re at a similar stage to me then. I find that comforting but also sorry to think of your grief too. It’s such a lonely place isn’t it? Hope you are coping as best you can xx

Hi Moz,

I feel like I’m just coming out of the shock of losing Terry ( he was killed in a car accident on holiday in Florida) & the reality is kicking in. I had my 1st bereavement therapy yesterday & I’ve been such a mess since. I’ve woken this morning & can’t stop crying. Everything seems so pointless & I miss him so much it’s awful. I just want to wake up from this nightmare.

I hope you are having a better day xx

Dear Moz, I have just joined this site and I totally understand how you are feeling and how empty and pointless life seems at the moment. I am 54 and lost my lovely husband who was 66 suddenly from a blood clot/ stroke on 23 December. Well that was when he was officially declared brain dead. I believe I lost him to all intents and purposes on the 22nd. We both used to love Christmas so the timing was truly awful for me. It is 4 weeks today but seems like a lifetime. His funeral was on the 9th and of course people have now had to go and get with their own lives. I knew it would be like this but had no idea how truly horrific it would be. What is keeping me going is our three dogs whom we both adored. If it wasn’t for them I would struggle to get out of bed. I am so sorry that we are all in this special club. I would give anything not to be and I am sure you feel the same. X

Dear Smiler, so sorry to hear of that, and so sudden, was he ok before that? So close to Christmas too, what a terrible situation. I am sure you feel like me that life has basically ended and has no purpose. I can’t imagine making plans to do anything in the future without my wonderful husband. Glad to hear you have your dogs, I expect they miss him too. I board dogs and have just started doing it again a few months break, and it is very therapeutic. I also have a 16 year old daughter still at home and she is lovely, however no-one truly knows how you feel, and as you say it is so much more horrific than you can ever imagine beforehand. I have returned to work and although it’s a distraction, I just hate it and want to hide away at home all the time. Thanks for being in touch, it’s good to share feelings x

He had three lung conditions that were being managed well but I thought they would get him in the end. He also had a couple of leg ulcers which gave him pain but we’re not life threatening. The clot came from left field. He started feeling unwell at around 10am and by 5pm he was gone. The whole experience leading up to him getting to A&E was traumatic for me but the care he received at Charring Cross Hospital was second to none. He had put himself on the organ donation register so three people got an amazing Christmas present. It doesn’t give me comfort at the moment but I am sure it will in time. The really sad thing is that we were due to move to Greece at Easter. I gave up my job last April and we were on a Greek Island from May to the middle of November. We came back to sort out our flat and get it ready for rental/ sale with a view to returning to Greece this Easter. I now will be returning to Greece on my own to live what was our dream alone. I love it out there but the reality is now going to be very different to what I was expecting. Kevin had a larger than life personality and created so many opportunities for us to have fun. That has all gone now. I am, therefore, not working and have all my days free but although there is so much to do I can’t face it at the moment. I just feel paralysed with grief, fear and shock. X

Hello Moz
I have added a reply to a previous posting of yours on another thread. Welcome. A member once commented that the “shock bubble” we are in till about the six/eight weeks mark is far more preferable to the next stage, which to me is like an anesthetic wearing off from an open, raw agonising wound. And it is far more preferable. My Husband had a heart incident - anticipated but with a sudden outcome. Personally I am plagued by the what if and the if only scenarios that I cannot get past. I feel like I am in limbo or waiting - don’t know what for. In your other post you mention the mist of grief is always at your side and that’s a very good way of describing it. There is lots of support here and I’m sure none of us object to private messaging when we don’t feel strong enough to open posting. Kindest regards.

Smiler1962 I’m so sorry to read of your distressing circumstances. I’m still traumatized by what happened to my Husband. You are quite right when you describe your grief as paralyzing. I have not been out alone since I lost my Husband. Everything seems pointless which makes me sound such a spoilt brat but it’s hard to face each day. I admire you for following your dream for the both of you. Kindest regards

Sorry to read about your distress Sued. I lost my Husband 15 weeks ago. When the reality sets in it really is a feeling of utter despair and hopelessness and yet I still think he is around somewhere, it’s hard. Take care.

Thanks Tina - it is despair isn’t it and everything is pointless , I suppose it’s just taking each unwanted day as it comes & coping the best we can.

Good night xxxx

Oh that is so awful. I can’t think of any way you can cope with such horror. So many layers of shock and grief. Sorry to hear the distress you’re in now, counselling is so hard to go through. I’m not doing any of that as yet as I know it will reduce me to non stop crying. I know it’s a good thing but I can’t face it yet, you’re doing really well to be starting it like that, and I’m sure it will be worthwhile, it’s just such a painful journey. Hope you are able to look after yourself in other ways too. xx

So sorry to hear of those circumstances, so tragic. It must be hard to keep going with your plans, but that’s just what we all have to do isn’t it? Nothing seems worth it but you may as well go to the place you love, it may help you with the long emotional journey ahead. x

It’s an awful time for you I lost my husband 5 weeks ago I’m completely lost ,a cardiac arrest took him while I had gone home for clean pjs I feel so guilty and can’t accept his death yet ,

Lambie I am so, so, sorry to hear of your loss and despair. I too lost my husband to a heart incident. I truly empathise as to how utterly desolate you feel. It had been anticipated at some stage but in reality happened earlier than had been predicted. Not only then do you feel anguish and pain due to the continuing medical condition but you also feel shock and trauma due to the suddenness. 5 weeks is absolutely no time at all, just the blink of an eye. I do hope someone is looking after you well. Kindest regards Tina.

Hi Tina thank you for replying you will know exactly how I’m feeling lost, desolate, and why bother even getting out of bed , my daughter and Grandchildren are devastated too, the hospital were shocked at the suddenness of his death which a week before he had a broken shoulder which became infected so sepsis caused the cardiac arrest. I just need to accept he isn’t coming back… kindest regards to you Tina for the reply

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