Hi Pandy
Very sorry for your loss my wife passed away 18 oct from a sudden heart attack age 63.I found I was still in shock up until xmas then in the new year the depression and anxiety kicked in not continually but bad enough to effect sleep .Up until then I resisted medication but gave in and am on a light dosage but aids sleep and anxiety.
Like yourself it’s good to see family and friends and share thoughts.Found talking things over helps all the niggling if onlys and what ifs.Take care Steve
Hi, I went to my mum and dad’s for the weekend, thinking it would make me feel better, but now they’re getting elderly and have their own problems so I found myself looking after them and couldn’t relax, ended up just wanting to come home. Now I’m back home I feel even worse. I guess even though I’m 58 I thought maybe I could get reassurance from my parents, but now see that those days have gone as well. I realise I’ll lose them before long too and feel a bit guilty for resenting their dependence on me when I’m grieving and preoccupied with my own situation.
HI Moz,
that is completely understandable, we are brought up thinking Mum and Dad will take away any pain and hurt, and they were not able to this time, and it is quite hard when the roles are suddenly reversed when they get old. I lost both my parents young so I never had to face that. Just try and enjoy the last bit of time you have with them, although that is hard when you are hurting so much yourself.
I just want to be able to turn then clock back but I know it cant happen, so I am keeping myself occupied and busy, that’s easy in the week as I am at work but the weekends are more problematic to say the least.
Still it’s Feb tomorrow hopefully spring is just around the corner and we can all get out a bit more into our gardens, which is always nice to sit and listen to the birds singing and the spring bulbs slowly lifting their heads above the soil.
Hi Alan,
Thank you for your advice. I am sorry to hear of your loss too.
My emotions ebb and flow, I too have pictures in every room. Some days I can smile and remember the good times and other times the pictures make me feel sad as they just confirm that my beloved husband has gone.
I think its going to take time, I guess everyone needs time to grieve etc
Best Wishes
Nicky
As you say Nicky, it is going to take time and although death has taken the person it cannot take the relationship, and, yes, there are very painful times but I’d rather feel the pain than be numb to it all - and I am certainly not a masochist by nature !
Take care of yourself
Alan
Moz I know how you feel. I left the home I shared with my Husband one day later to stay at my family home where by Mum and Brother live. It’s some 25 miles away as I knew few people there and was too distressed to stay on my own. It is not easy as my Mum is really not in great health and is 84. In theory, I used to wonder how my Husband would comfort me when the time came to lose my Mum. In cold and cruel reality though my Husband left me first, before his time and I will lose my Mum and have no one to ‘look after’ me. My Mum understandably can’t offer me any comfort and a shoulder to cry on as I grieve for my Husband because of her age and condition so I know what you mean about the reassurance thing. My Husband and me had no children together either. Sometimes the pain just feels intolerable. I also feel guilty because I am not affording Mum the attention she deserves due to my own preoccupation with my grieving. This is the hardest time of my life and it can only get worse. Sorry to have posted negatively (yet again).
Tina, I feel for you, I really do. My mum is 85 and everything you say resonates with me. I have stayed in my home though as I knew I had to face that head on at the beginning. Like you I know that at some point I will have to deal with losing her on top of everything else and my husband won’t be there to put his arm round me.
It amazes me how fortunate some people are to get to my age ( late 40s), and older, and still have parents and partners there for them, with no idea of the struggle those of us who have lost a great love have.
I don’t want to be resentful or bitter, but there are some days when I feel bloody angry
and bloody exhausted with the mountain I/we have to climb.
Thanks for your comments Louella. They are appreciated. Kindest regards to you.
Hi Pandy, yes you’re right, and at least I do still have them, unlike you. I find myself getting irritated when mum complains about dad - I think well at least you still have your husband and you’re both in your 80s! That’s something I’ll have to get used to - people complaining about their spouses - I suppose I did the same when Barry was alive!
Hi Tina, so true, everything you said. I found myself wondering about my own future death and realising that I would probably be alone. I’m lucky to have daughters and there are always friends but the one person who was my absolute soul mate and would have looked after me no matter what has now gone. Nothing was ever too much trouble for him where I was concerned, when I was ill he would do anything and everything to help and it would not be the same with my daughters. I picture myself lying in a hospice with well meaning staff trying to make it nice. We’re in such a lonely place aren’t we? I read somewhere that regardless of all the counselling, support and friendship that might come your way, in the end you are alone in your journey of grief, it is such a uniquely personal experience. Sorry to be negative too, but that’s life at the moment isn’t it, and I hope that this forum is a safe place to express these thoughts. Thinking of you.
Thanks for your comments. You are quite right Moz with all you say. Kindest regards Tina
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