I’ve been struggling these last few weeks but today I just seemed to hit an all time low since my wife passed away 9 weeks ago.
I guess it’s just a realising that you are to now go alone but I can’t do this pain anymore. All those friends and family that messaged you everyday for the first couple of weeks after June’s passing don’t now message only once a week if I’m lucky. My daughters and son in laws are super though and message their Dad most days.
I’m half way through counselling but what do I need to get out of counselling they can’t give me, I want my wife back in my life or take this pain away from me.
Today two of June’s best friends said they were going to New York together in a couple of weeks for 5 days, that also has hit even harder to me who already is at a low as New York was one of June’s favourite places we visited and she had been before with her friends and if she was still with me we would have gone with them again.
I’ve now stopped slepingbthe last few nights and just nap on the sofa and have only been to bed once in last two weeks.
June I need is to be together I miss you so much.
Dave
I feel your pain I’m going through the same emotions my husband passed suddenly on 1st August of a heart attack while at work it was the worse day of my life coming home to this news . He went to work fine not even ill and that was our last goodbye . I’m finding it really hard to come to terms with life at the moment as we had so much planned . My family are so supportive but at the end of the day you just want them back and life to be the same again I miss my husband so much
hi dave im sorry for your loss .My wife and soulmate (41) died in March im 57 .I live alone have no family or frirnds for support .I cant sleep upstairs i sleep downstairs in a recliner i too go to counselling i feel for you i do i dont plan anything i get up and do whatever eating is hit and miss. chat with me i understand your pain my wife was my friend and soul mate try to sleep tiredness makes me think in a different way hope youll get back to me and that ive helped Colin
Colin
Thanks very much for you reply and I am so sorry for your loss of your wife so very young. It is a shame you have no one to turn to in this difficult time and I can’t imagine what you are going through my friend. My two daughters and son in laws have been my strength.
I actually forced myself to go to bed last night after your message, as I too have slept on the sofa for 12 out of the last 14 nights. Do you know why it is you can’t go to bed ? myself it’s that I just can’t be bothered as I fall asleep in the sofa and at least I sleep. I’m half way through counselling I don’t think I’ll have extended sessions as I don’t really get anything from it really in my opinion.
I do cook myself dinners as I have been doing for over a year now as I was June’s carer although she did help bless her but she just had little energy through stages of her treatment.
Colin you did indeed help a little for me and that is appreciated. Do you have any hobbies that you maybe could get back into ? mine is golf and friends where I used to play are trying to get me to go back but I just don’t feel like socialising with people that don’t understand my circumstances. I will at some point but like you my friend June was my rock and soulmate we did everything together.
Dave
Dave ty for replying i cant sleep upstairs because i stand in our bedroom and then walk out its too painfull.Hobbies i used to drum i have an electronic and acoustic kit .But it just doesnt enter m y head to set them back up .I love the cinema but thats a definite no no im not going on my own .Im glad i help Dave .I was my wifes carer for 8 years .Thinking about you Dave Colin
Colin
it is so painful isn’t it and don’t know about you but I have no idea why some things are painful and others no so much. I talk to June’s ashes and some of my favourite photos of her but they always make me emotional but I keep doing it because I guess I owe it to her, so pretty much I think did the pain.
No what you mean my friend I have no purpose to do anything and I guess Inwould be the same as thinking to set a set of drums up, but I’m thinking maybe you could get some anger out for sure but would it help I don’t know my friend.
We liked the cinema too and yes with you all the way on that one, definite no no.
Do you have any plans for weekend ? I’ve got fireworks to go to with my daughter and grandson on Saturday but that’s going to be very hard as June loved fireworks so another emotional rollercoaster and Sunday just me in the empty house alone.
All the best Colin guess all we can do is hang in there but for me I thought Inwas doing ok but the Kat few weeks I’m not sure now.
Always here for a chat
Dave
hi Dave we loved bonfire night but going alone to a bonfire and fireworks is worse than setting my drums up i wish everybody well but watch happy couples and families is horrendous .Im going a long time ago (before i met Denise ) i hated being single .But this is a nightmare i cant tackle .They say time is a healer i disagree it just makes you change and maybe accept what has happened .Ive no problem viewing my thoughts here .But also you can private message me if you wish
Hi dave and Colin I’ve been on this site many times and believe me I know how you both feel it’s over six months now since my Robert died and I still feel the pain as if it happened yesterday I’ve also been to counciling but for me personally it made me feel worse so I stopped going I have a good circle of family and friends but as you were saying dave the people that was there for you in the beginning are not there now I’ve never felt so alone and lost the past few days have been terrible all I can say is our loved ones wouldn’t want us to be like like this so we all need to try and keep our chins up for them I’m here any time you wish to speak take care xx
Hi janey reading all these messages makes me realise that there are others going through this nightmare
When I lost my husband at the beginning of August I felt like no one would understand what I was going through . We were together for 44 years I was 16 and he was 18 when we met , we did every thing together I don’t know how I will get through the rest of my life without him , he just went to work and never came home it was the worse day of my entire life . I was thinking of counselling but don’t know if it will work as it can’t bring him back to me ,. The doctors didn’t offer much help just said I can get tablets to help but I don’t want to go down that road I just want my life to rewind back to before that awful day but that’s not going to happen
Colin so correct my friend I have the same feelings of anger at couples enjoying themselves, it’s just not bloody fare.
I thought as you that time would be a healer but over the last few weeks I’m not so sure either. I haven’t been on my own since I was 19, yes at that age I knew how to live but since I found the best women in the whole world and who has now gone how do I live now at the ripe old age of 54.
I really do hope things get better for us both soon Colin, always here.
Dave
Janey
I know June would have been saying exactly that, but I have no idea how not to feel upset at the moment it’s a way of evening and weekend life. I need a magician that has a magic wand to take this pain away or better still open his box and June appears.
Hope you don’t mind me asking but have you had some good days in the 6 months since you lost Robert, I won’t be offended if you don’t wish to answer.
I’m like you Janey I think my counselling has come to an end and just over half way as Im being asked what Inwant from my sessions, stupid bloody question was my reply, that’s obviously either bring June back or help me stop this horrible pain, neither they can do so might as well stop.
I do like the messages it really does help me and hope you get the same from myself.
Hope you have a reasonable weekend you take care too.
Dave
Hi dave to be honest not many he was my world the same as June was yours we did everything together like yourself I’m 54 to young to be on our own I was out for lunch with Roberts sister yesterday which was very hard Robert was one of 10 siblings and they all look like each other and when I was with May yesterday I was just as if I was looking at Robert I have putting of meeting up with her for that reason today all I’ve done us cry I just want him back but that’s not going to happen so I will just need to put up with what I have I hope you feel better soon just a shame we all don’t live near each other we all could meet up to fill our days I’m here any time you need to talk take care xx
janey i think the meeting up is an excellent idea i only have cruse to talk to face to face i will glady pm you where i live see if its possible to meet (re distance ) ill await your reply i wont pm if you dont want me to Colin
janey ive looked where you live im hundreds of miles away lol
Hi mickath thanks for your reply I sympathise with you Robert went out to the shop and came off the bus on his way home directly across from where we live took ill and died he was dead when I got to him so I never got to say goodbye that day still haunts me I will never forget it as long as I live when I look out of the window I still can see him lying there I went to counciling but it made me feel worse so I gave it up I just hope some day we will all see light at the end of the tunnel you take care I’m here anytime you need someone to talk to xxx
I know Colin it would be great if we were all near each other we could have had wee monthly sessions to speak how we feel to people who really understands how we all feel and also to fill up our lonely days but we still have this site to keep in touch with each other speak soon take care x
Janey
Many thanks for replying and sorry for asking. I just don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel I know there is no magic wand but how have others managed to get over there loss of loved ones, I don’t know anyone who has lost their soulmate, husband, wife as we all have.
I didn’t realise you could see where people live but just found out how and yes Janey what an excellent idea but yes we all don’t live close, such a shame.
I must admit I haven’t seen June’s brother or sister since the funeral over 7 weeks ago but they don’t look like each other as your Robert’s sister does, I honestly don’t know how I would be with that, but so sorry that it made you upset but I’m always looking for a positive for myself so perhaps with you building up the courage to go and meet his sister is a step further forward for you hopefully.
If I’m ever on my travels anywhere close I’ll give you a shout but travelling and visiting places is what me and June like and had planned for the future and although I’d like still to do this I can’t see myself ever getting to that point without June.
As you Janey always here for a chat
Dave
to janey and dave (and anybody else ) have you heard of google chat its free (can see each other through webcams and chat ) just an idea
No I haven’t heard of it will look into it
I’m feeling low at the minute you can’t help thinking of that dreadful day . We had gone out on the Sunday to have Sunday lunch with our son and granddaughter and everything was fine . On the Monday we both said bye and love you as we went to work . When I got home that evening my husband was late home I tried phoning him but there was no answer then the next thing I knew the police were at my door telling me the awful news that he had collapsed at work in the afternoon at about 3pm and died . I didn’t find out until 7 30 that night my life just changed in an instance, we had so much to look forward to we were going on holiday in a few weeks and he was so excited . We had a wonderful life together and I didn’t want it to end this way I wanted to be with him so I could tell him how much I loved him but that wasn’t to be . How can life be so cruel how do you ever get passed this awful feeling of a broken heart I just wish I knew .he was my life and a wonderful dad and grandad I’ll never get over this x
Kath