Since my Vic passed in March 2025 I have taken up going to the gym started Zumba and swimming. These are things I never did with my hubby.
I find my way of coping is to do things that we never did as a couple, why you ask well for me it’s not so painful as it doesn’t bring back any memories. I struggle doing things that we both did. I’m not saying I don’t/wont do them as I love walking and we did that but not trekking or hill/mountain climbing which I have also done since. I also walk with my widows group now which of course I didn’t do before.
I was wondering what any of you have taken up since losing your loved one as I would love ideas
Hi Catherine, I agree with what you say, doing things we didn’t do with our spouse is easier because we don’t have those memories, I admire you for taking up swimming and hiking, I personally haven’t done much on my own yet, ..Just when im painting, I realize, I don’t hafta rush off to make dinner, cause its just me ..
Hi Catherine
I returned to my swimming after I retired. The only time I swam with my husband was when we were on holiday abroad. So swimming has always been my thing . All the groups ect I have join have been after my husband died .
I have only been to 1 place on my own that I went to with my husband. It wasn’t a comfortable experience. To many memories. I will stick to places that i haven’t been to with my husband
What about painting. I’m absolutely awful at it but I do find it relaxing. I’ve been to my sisters art class and the teacher and pupils were all so friendly. Also something to do on winter evenings.
I’m also going to start the hunt for my dad’s family again. You meet some fascinating people in the genealogy groups. Or local history?
I need to keep busy all the time I find this way I don’t have too much time to think about what I’ve lost. Of course I do as I can’t keep busy all the time but most of it. I know you all understand this completely
Someone on my FB group suggested pottery and I quite like that idea of making something with my hands.
@Helen39 a friend of a friend who isn’t widowed goes to a sip and paint and said it was fun so that’s an option too
Hi Catherine
You like gardening how about flower arranging. It something I have never done before. And would like to learn, I have been looking for courses near me so far no luck .
After my partner died, Paula, I found the weekends incredibly difficult.
I’ve always been interested in bird watching but never taken it seriously.
I never expected an RSPB membership to be one of the things that helped get me through the first couple of months.
Each weekend I’d pick a local nature reserve, throw a pack lunch and binoculars in a bag and spend the day birding.
Initially I’d probably spend a large part of the day wandering around the nature reserves just taking in the scenery, having conversations with strangers who were also there and occasionally spotting some birds.
It really helped clear my mind and settle my emotions.
The alternative being sitting at home feeling emotions that overwhelmed me.
I still go birding each weekend. It’s my escape from the world and my grief.
One other thing that’s been helpful. Is Andy’s Man Club, men don’t talk about their emotions. I certainly haven’t until Paula died. I’d certainly recommend Andys Man Club to any bloke, regardless of what they may be going through. Realise this one’s no help to the ladies.
Hi @Twoflower
Your idea of birdwatching is a great idea . And if you like taking photos you could do that as well . I have a nature reserve close to where I live . My problem I don’t drive and it isn’t on a public transport route.
Hi @Twoflower
You can take some really good pictures with photos these day’s Although I know a camera with a long lens would be better for close up photos. Good luck with the camera search . Thanks for the suggestion of car sharing. I have a dog so can’t leave him on his own all day .
As you know, Jackie used to do all the gardening, so I am trying to grow some things without them perishing.
I bought a Jackie rose and with your ‘guidance’ re-potted into a larger pot. At first it started to bloom quite well, but the heatwave we had, seemed to have shrivelled it up quite a bit and strong wind we had one night, killed off the latest bloom. Anyway it’s still alive.
Jackie was a great gardener. Before I moved house to South Wales, I gave a lot of her plants to our lovely neighbour. She sent me a pic of the rose plant.
Hi @Johnr
It nice to hear from you again
Roses are tough plants if you prune at the right time . There are some good videos on YouTube on how to do it . I am sure it will come back next year .
One of the benefits of living in the countryside, this was from my little home office on my phone. Rubbish resolution of course as so zoomed in, but still felt very lucky to get this young sparrow hawk looking at me.
As you know John I love gardening and see the different colours and the wildlife it entices is rewarding. Keep it up I’ll make a gardener out of you yet
