Hi All,
Just need to say this …
Tomorrow I am off for a week to Majorca with an old friend and feeling so unenthusiastic about it.
For the past 4 summers ( including when restrictions were easing after the first wave of Covid) we managed to go away. Every time I was so excited going with my lovely partner and sharing the whole holiday experience that you do as a couple.
Going away without him seems so very sad but I need to perk up as my friend is so excited.
Everyone said he will be with me and I am doing it for both of us. That is a comforting thought .
I have that knotted stomach etc etc which I know lots of you get - it’s that stomach-churning grief.
Oh how I would love to be doing this coming week with my darling.
Sorry just needed to express that .
Don’t put yourself under pressure to feel anything other than what you do actually feel, I’m sure your friend will understand
I went on holiday with a friend a few weeks ago and felt the same but I was honest with her and said I didn’t know how I would be. I had a fantastic holiday, yes I had wobbles and a few tears but that is expected being away without your other half for the first time. I actually felt the grief lifting and giving me a break because I was somewhere I hadn’t been with him so there were no triggers or memories. I can’t visit places we went together and find new places and making new memories is a lot easier. I hope you have a lovely holiday and take each day as it comes and most importantly don’t force anything, your feelings are there to be felt
Hi @S_Diva and @LynT ,
Yr kind words are very encouraging - thank you . We hadn’t been to Majorca together so no triggers fortunately.
Expecting some wobbles but think to it the way forward though.
He would definitely be pleased that I am going . You just can’t help that inner sadness and yearning for that special person.
Lots of love xx
At least you are going and trying and that’s all you can do. There will always be inner sadness and yearning for them. It’s called love. He will be there with you in spirit xx
This is pretty much where I am too. My husband died suddenly 85 days ago. We were fortunate enough to share lots of travel adventures together. We loved it. This year was going to be more of the same…
Having always loved travelling, and often going away on my own, the practicalities of travel are easy for me. However, I spontaneously decided to visit a friend in Middle East 4wks ago. I sobbed all the way to the airport, all the way to London, but once I arrived at Heathrow I was okay. Sobbed out I guess. By going I felt I was both abandoning my husband, but also guilt ridden about doing something for myself, that life does go on even when you don’t want it to. Once there I did not want to leave, knowing that I’d be coming home to the reality of an empty house and no husband.
Since then I’ve been on more two trips we had planned together. Both difficult. I could gladly have came home after two days, but I stayed, once again not wishing to come home when it was time to leave but knowing I had to. Home no longer feels like home without him.
Was I enthusiastic during these trips? Not really, there were things I enjoyed, art, the sun, some nice food, but it was also very lonely and I felt my loss keenly. Going through the motions about sums it up. It definitely seemed like I was damned if I went and damned if I didn’t.
My advice for what it’s worth. Go on the holiday, you don’t have to be Ms Enthusiasm all the time, your friend will surely understand. Take the break for what it is, a change of scenery, some company and a distraction.
In my head I can hear my lovely boy telling me to look after myself, to try to enjoy these new places and to ‘get on with it’.
I am going on holiday on Thursday, I am going down to WSM to stay with my sister and family, i am looking forward to it but also dreading it, it will be the first time I have stayed away from our house since David went.
I am hoping it won’t be as bad as I think and being with family will be easier for me.
We have to start somewhere, next year I want to go to Nice to stay with another sister so I need to get used to going away. I Hope you have the best time that you can at this time Elite
Also @Scotty27 I see you are new on here and so sorry for yr loss.
Everyone on here is so kind, caring and supportive. We know yr pain as we are all living it too, although our timescales vary, we really do understand.
Thank you Elite, reading other posts on here has helped.
This is tough isn’t it. Since returning from my latest trip on Sunday I have been feeling rather lost and lonely. The reality of my situation is setting in and it feels rather hopeless.
Yesterday for the first time I felt anger towards my husband. He had said to me that should anything happen to him I would mange, that I’d cope. Really?? I was shouting, crying, and raging at his ashes. How could he think I’d cope? I don’t even know what that means anymore. If someone asks how I am I have no idea how to answer because I don’t know.
When my husband said I’d cope without him, I responded, but will I want to. That was the more pertinent point. Right now at 86 days in, I really don’t want to do this, life without him is inconceivable. I have no option but to live with this pain, the sorrow and loneliness.
And the never ending doubts and questions…. do I put some photos away because seeing him everywhere is too painful? do I put his ashes in the spare room rather than moving them from his seat to by the bed morning & night? … I’m still
attending to him as if he were still here but he’s not. do I go on nights out with friends even when I don’t want to but am afraid they’ll stop asking? but the reality is I’d rather be at home , contentedly sitting on the sofa with my spouse enjoying nothing more than being together. I don’t want or need anything else.
This is truly awful and I don’t see how it will ever change. My other main man Bruce Springsteen says grief is the price we pay for loving well. I wholeheartedly agree, if I had not loved my husband as well as I did (do!) I’d not feel this degree of pain. I was fortunate to have loved and been loved but the weight of this grief feels like it will consume me.
Anyway, I must go to bed. Am sending loving thoughts to everyone feeling this pain. We survived another day without them.
My husband passed in April and we were due to go Jersey in June , I went with my son , never been to jersey so no memories there , I just thought Nick would of loved it , few wobbles seeing couples etc but on the whole I enjoyed , then this July went to the Hampton court flower show , stayed in the same hotel I had previously with my husband , again went with my son, that was more difficult having been there before with him
Really identify with you. Married for 57 years. My husband said I would cope too. I do not think he understood the depth of my love for him. I do not want to be here anymore
There’s been another thread on holidays, and how to cope now we are on our own, so sorry if I repeat myself.
Penny died 2 years ago, and I worried about (among many, many,things), how would I ever go on holiday without her. I worried about these “triggers” to my emotions, how would it upset me if I went to where we went before.
So I decided to find out, and firstly went to Anglesey and stayed in a Shepherds hut right in the middle of our favourite area. I made a point of going to our favourite beaches, walks, cafes. I realised thats where my happy memories were, why would I want to avoid them? I spent many hours talking to her, remembering those happy days. On the beach, I described to her the joy of her dogs going berserk digging, chasing, and rolling. There were the odd teary spells, but they were mixed with smiles.
This week, Im in Northumberland, doing exactly the same.
For me, happy memories are not to be feared, they are for remembering
tykey Thank you, you have actually made it sound like a lovely thing to do, sometimes sad, but mostly filled with happy memories and I guess you make some new ones too. X
Thankyou Penny (which was my wife’s name). A couple of months ago, on the anniversary of her death, I decided to learn to play the flute, and play it to her on a deserted beach, looking out to sea.
Yesterday evening, that’s exactly what I did, when I played a bit of Annies Song.
It was rubbish, because you cant be flute proficient in two months. Thats why I waited until it was deserted.
But it made me happy
That sounds so beautiful. What a tribute. I’m tearful thinking of that scene. How touching.
I agree, Returning to favourite places I think will bring some comfort. Soon after my husband died I had this desire to visit Athens, where we had, in my opinion, our favourite holiday. I wanted to sit on the balcony, looking at the same beautiful view of the Acropolis and think about him. The hotel is closed for refurbishment though, and picking a different one was beyond me at that point. I shall go next year once the hotel reopens.
Marshmallow, 57yrs together is a life time. I completely understand your despair. I’m a capable woman, which is what I think my husband meant when fed said I’d cope/manage without him, but he failed to recognised just how much I loved and needed HIM. Not friends, not family. Just HIM. I barely made a decision without some degree of consultation with him fur the past 21yrs, what’s for dinner? Should I buy new work shoes? Where shall we go at the weekend? Does this dress suit me? Etc etc ad infinitum.
I loved being his wife. Having never wanted to get married I relished it.
You take care Marshmallow. I’ll be thinking of you. Xx
Ive just come back from a week in Benidorm. My husband died in March. I went with a heavy heart. Its not somewhere where we had been together before which was good. I did enjoy it but I had my moments. My friend was very understanding and I did a couple of walks by myself. Please still go.
Thankyou so much. Yes it’s the drive safely. Your back is wet let me dry it. It’s the touch as he went past. It’s the nod accross a room where you know what each other are thinking. It’s the thoughtfulness and the kindness. Choosing a film for me. Looking after each other. He helped me get over a hip replacement and i looked after him in the end. Such love such blessing. I want to be with him x
I totally get this! I can’t stop thinking about the amazing holidays my fiance and I had in all our years together, I had never been abroad before we met, and now I am an avid traveller, but the thought of having these adventures without him is so very sad one day I hope to be able to do this again and I admire you for doing it, this is a big step, but we mustn’t lose sight of the joy that is still to be had in our lives, enjoy every second, that’s what life is all about
I feel all of this Scotty personally, I took all the photos down, I just can’t bare to wake up every morning and see his smiling face, it just felt too overwhelming, I’ve moved home too, he passed away in my arms, in our bed, in the home we loved, I hated being there after that, it has helped to be somewhere new and not have the awful memories of that night in plain sight. I feel anger too, it’s not just the pain of losing them, it’s financial too, we rarely talk about that, I have to struggle with that side of things aswell…some people don’t understand the putting away of photos, the giving clothes to charity, but if it helps us cope, then there’s nothing wrong with that
one day I hope to be able to do this again and I admire you for doing it, this is a big step, but we mustn’t lose sight of the joy that is still to be had in our lives, enjoy every second, that’s what life is all about 
personally, I took all the photos down, I just can’t bare to wake up every morning and see his smiling face, it just felt too overwhelming, I’ve moved home too, he passed away in my arms, in our bed, in the home we loved, I hated being there after that, it has helped to be somewhere new and not have the awful memories of that night in plain sight. I feel anger too, it’s not just the pain of losing them, it’s financial too, we rarely talk about that, I have to struggle with that side of things aswell…some people don’t understand the putting away of photos, the giving clothes to charity, but if it helps us cope, then there’s nothing wrong with that