Hi @elkira,
Yes, I completely agree, it’s heart wrenching to see happy photos and know they’re gone and we’ll never see those smiling faces again. I never expected to feel this way about his photos, it’s 91 days tomorrow and it’s still full of surprises (ha!) for me.
We should all be so lucky as to die in the arms of our love. How comforting for your husband (I assume) but I’m sure has mixed feelings for you. It must have been extra harrowing for you to have financial issues. I can’t imagine how you’d work your way through that too. Moving home seems reasonable giving the circumstances. I may move, it’s too early to make that decision and I’m relieved I don’t ‘have’ to make that decision.
You’ve been through a lot, that you’ve survived is something. Sending love xx
In time I will probably find comfort that we were together when he passed, and that it was quick, it was just so unexpected, a heart attack at 48…one minute we were planning where we intended to visit when we went to Corfu on our honeymoon, we were due to marry on the 5th September , the next minute he was gone he didn’t have life insurance or suchlike as we were planning to take care of all those things once we were married, it’s been so hard trying to grieve and manage finances, one minute I am excepting of the situation, the next I’m in bits, everyone on here experiences the exact same feelings I’m sure, thankyou for your kind words
Oh @elkira thats just heart breaking. Your whole lives ahead of you. Oh pal. I’m so sorry. Even though I work in an emergency department and see peoples lives upended on a daily basis, it’s still shocking. If I’m feeling shocked for you, I can only imagine how you are feeling.
Message me anytime. I have no words of wisdom and am pretty lost myself but if you ever need to reach out, please do.
I’m sending you a huge massive hug. In my mind I am squeezing you and holding you tight.
Bless you that’s really kind of you, it’s still very early days, I lost him on 10th may, we were together many years & had finally decided we were ready for the commitment of marriage, we were so excited, planning it all, I had my dress which I actually sold yesterday, I couldn’t bare to look at it…I always believed that everything happens for a reason, but I’m failing to see any reason for this! I guess we are all rather lost right now my lovely
My husband died suddenly ( heart attack) in April he was 65, I am 56, one min we were talking about what we were doing that day, then next he is at my feet, we were together nearly 24 years, and 27th September 2022, we “eloped” secretly to Gretna Green and married, I felt totally robbed that we waited so long to marry and I only got 17 months! he was my 3rd time lucky hubby after 2 previous crap marriages, we had so many holidays planned, I went away with my son to Jersey in June , it should of been my husband, I am glad I went BUT had a few wobbles x
I’m so sorry Jane, I can relate to that pain it’s so very hard it would have been my “3rd time lucky” too! I’m planning to go abroad with his daughter, my step daughter next year and scatter some of his ashes In one of his favourite places, I can’t even comprehend doing it right now, but hopefully by then I can deal with it, keep going Jane, we will get there one day xx
@elkira thats just sad. It’s life but it’s sad and crap. My husband died on May 6th. I’d been in Cardiff at a concert, I phoned him as I drove home but there was no answer. That was a journey from hell… I arrived home and he had died peacefully in bed. Cause of death given as a likely stroke. Described as a ‘catastrophic event’. No sh*t.
We had 4 trips booked for this year. We were supposed to be in Ireland when his funeral was taking place. I went to Helsinki & Stockholm as planned, which was highly emotional. Mainly sad and lonely. I have this urge to run though. To leave and not come home. Home is real life, a life without my husband, a life I don’t want.
But here I am.
Here we all are. I imagine selling your wedding dress was difficult but ultimately necessary. It’s nice you have a positive relationship with his daughter. That’s good. Xx
Ah @Scotty27 , that’s awful, I feel for you so much what can we say to make any of this better eh? Life can be absolutely heartbreakingly crap! But I will say how much of a comfort it is to talk to you and all the people on here, Like I’m not alone, I’m not the only one? Seeing posts full of hope is amazing too, people that have bravely moved on and found a reason to smile again, it all helps me feel just a tiny bit better, my friend lost her husband a few years ago & she joined a group for widowed people that go abroad together every year, she loves it & has made some wonderful new friends…none of us wanted or asked for this,it’s bloody unfair! But we are still here and we must be grateful for that , I hope one day we can again live a life that’s full of positivity and joy xx
Hi @Jane15, eloping to Gretna. Wow, that’s cool. And what a memory. I had never wanted to get married, so never understood the desire for a huge fancy wedding, all you really need is the two folk and an anvil or in our case Vegas and Elvis. To me the marriage was the important bit.
Even if it was only for 17mths you had that, which is better than nowt but sadly not as long as it should have been. And third time lucky too! That’s just brilliant.
Well done for going to Jersey. I very much operating on a mindset of if it feels okay, I should do things, but if I meet any emotional resistance, then I don’t do whatever it may be. I return to work in 10 days. Not sure how I’ll get on, but I’m going to listen to myself, if it’s too difficult I’ll just go off again. I’m in uncharted waters here, trying not to drown.
Scott was my boy. My everything. I have no children. So going forward is not going to be easy or even something I can imagine doing.
Thank you @elkira. Bless you for such a positive response. I appreciate your thoughts about finding joy in the future. It’s reassuring to hear about your friend building something positive from her loss. That’s good.
I’ll try to hold onto that thought as I’m not quite there yet, i’m stuck in ‘going through the motions mode’. I do things all day, every day, I keep busy. I have brilliant support from my family and friends, I’m very lucky, and yet… none of it, or at least, very little of what I do brings me any pleasure. I do things because I feel I must, not because I want to. All I want is Scott back.
I try and convince myself that I can get through this every single day @Scotty27 one day I hope I will, and you will too
Rest well, we must face another day tomorrow
Night night xx
My husband had 3 grown up children , sadly they didn’t bother with him much I don’t know why ? Apart from their step Dad had more money ! My son 28 adored Nick more than his own father , and his own father was found dead 3 months before nick ! I say well my shoulders must be able to carry it ? Gretna was the day that will always be in my heart just the two of us I am grateful I got to experience it , good luck with work , I returned in June after 8 weeks off still not doing full time x
Morning @elkira thats good positive thoughts. Thank you. I’m less optimistic for myself, I’m not sure why. It’s crossed my mind I maybe don’t want to feel better?? Could I be reading that progress as a betrayal? I don’t know. It’s something wise to think about.
I’ve felt that too @Scotty27 kinda like if I feel better I’m betraying Chris is some way? But I know what he would say to me without a doubt, he would tell me to buck up, put my big girl pants on and get on with it! Chris never feared death, he was a military man, he served in northern Ireland amongst other places and the horror he saw made him quite Blaise about it, totally different to me. All I keep telling myself, every single morning is that I can’t change anything, he’s not coming back, and I’m still here, struggling but surviving if you can’t have a good day, just have a day xxx
Morning @Jane15 goodness me, you are having a rough time. Your poor son. It’s good he had such a positive relationship with Nick, that’s to be cherished.
My husband’s grown children also did not have much to do with him. 3 of them came to his service though which was positive. I’m keeping tentative contact with them. It’s difficult as I had little contact with them before. In 21yrs there are two of them I’ve never spoken to. Ah well such is life.
How was it going back to work? I remain pretty numb, so I’m not stressing (yet), I find myself thinking about the social element of work more than the actual work. As soon as someone offers me condolences or mentions my husband I will cry. Not ideal in an emergency dept. I’m going in a couple times this week to try and get some of the social stuff out of the way. One day at a time etc etc
Thank you for that @Jane15 I’m glad it’s not just me who feels this sort of betrayal. This is such turmoil, I’m feeling things I would never have imagined.
Your Chris sounds brilliant. Pragmatic. I guess when you’ve done his job, it will colour how you see life. My Scott would also be telling me to get on with living. His adult son died from cancer in his early 30’s. Scott was heartbroken, devastated by this loss, but he kept going. He also did not fear death, the slow decline in his health, resulting in his loss of inference and being in constant pain were probably harder for him to bear than dying was. I do try to take comfort knowing his pain is over, he died peacefully in his own bed, he probably would not be too unhappy with this outcome as life was never going to get easier for him.
When we discussed his health, he’d tell me i’d manage without him, that I’d cope. My answer was always to say, maybe I will cope but will I want to go on. That’s where I’m at. If he was here he’d tell me, like your Chris, to get on with it. To make the most of what I’ve got, to not work so much and to look after myself. That’s I’m previous and he’s loves me. Everyday.
I’m going to go now and try and have a day. You take care. Thank you for your support. Xx
I am in work now , I am a duty manager /reception for a coaching hotel , so it is difficult seeing “couples arrive” and mainly elderly and they moan about their room etc and I feel like saying “well at least you have your husband to go on holiday with “because of the age group we get etc we are all first aid and defib trained , and I have had to sadly use it , but seeing my husband was different !! And I don’t think I could do it again ! Told them not to renew my first aid couldn’t cope with CPR on Annie the dummy x
Hi Friends,
I am back from holiday and it was much more pleasant than I expected. My partner was so often in my thoughts s as bd I had tears etc etc but pleased I went and hoped he was with me.
Felt sad yesterday but today has been bad!!
We didn’t live together and I was dreading the day that I saw his property up for sale. Well I googled new properties for sale in the area saw it!! I knew his children would be selling it but the most shocking thing was seeing it still furnished!
It didn’t occur to me that it would appear like that.! It was as if it was still his home minus photos etc . We had many wonderful times there and I feel very emotional thinking about strangers ‘invading’ his/my life.I think had it been empty, I would have coped better.
Sorry just needed to tell you .
Sending big hugs to all on the forum today.
Hi Elite,
Firstly well done on going away and making the most of change of scenery.
Sorry you’ve had a horribly upsetting experience today. That sounds awful, I’d be shocked and upset too seeing a big part of your/his life being displayed like that. A kick in the guts for sure.
he didn’t have life insurance or suchlike as we were planning to take care of all those things once we were married, it’s been so hard trying to grieve and manage finances, one minute I am excepting of the situation, the next I’m in bits, everyone on here experiences the exact same feelings I’m sure, thankyou for your kind words 
