Morning, the holiday is going well and I’m having lots of good times with my family 
but and there’s always a but ! I’ve found myself drifting off to my room or just walk away for a while when those reminders come over me, a tune or someone with the same look has Christine or just being sat reading and I look up too where she would be and I go into a trance remembering our times together and her lovely smiling face, reduces me to tears.
All to be expected and I’m getting through. Glad I came, the first big one was unpacking for one and Christine’s belongings not being there x
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@Braztash56
So pleased the holiday is going well. I can well understand the times you have needed to be on your own, but you will have expected it and have coped. Well done you.
Enjoy the rest your time away.
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You are doing so well. Even just getting away is a massive achievement.
I had similar feelings when I went away with my family earlier in the year. Found sunglasses were my best friend as no one could see me crying.
Hope the rest of the holiday goes well
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@Braztash56 . So glad it is going well and you are enjoying it. Of course you will need time to be alone. Xx
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Rome18 thank you
Yes Doughtyj my sunglasses have been priceless
Thank you Pudding
@Braztash56 so glad you’re enjoying the holiday. Making new memories with your family will always be tinged with sadness, but such a good and brave thing to do.
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@Braztash56 glad that you are getting on ok. I also hard some hard times on holiday. The main trigger was the music. The holiday was actually booked for my husband to go which I found hard. I did have some nice times though and toasted my husband every night with his favourite drink a black russian. X
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Yeh im away and had that same empty feeling ! And packing for one … feels so strange 
and so horrible …
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Ive just come back from a week away with my son and 2 granddaughters aged 7 and 8. This is the second time without my husband who passed away Dec 2021, the first time j went last year felt really strange.
Packing just for me was hard. Daytime was fine as with young children to occupy your time you dont think so much, but the nights were the worst. Its when your alone in bed it really hits you that they are not there, and the the guilt kicks in. How can i enjoy a holiday when he isnt there to share it with.
This year was a little better but i still missed him being there. But then life will never be the same will it?
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@Beachgirl thats so correct, life won’t be the same sadly but where would we be without those Grandkids ? Such a tower of strength like you say the nights aren’t the best 
x
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So true, they have already asked me if i will go with them next year. Mainly because nanny spoils them i think. Hoping to move next year as well as this house holds too many memories, the good definitely outway the bad, the worst being here where he passed away suddenly without warning. That is a recurring memory, seeing him on the floor. We had always talked about moving further south so thats what im hoping to do, will be closer to the grandkids, the younger ones anyway, the other two are 17 and 19, so will definitely see more of them when i move as they will probably come down for holidays
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@Beachgirl Christine passed away 8 weeks after being diagnosed with a large aggressive brain tumour which was inoperable sadly, the family were with Christine when she passed at home pain free and in peace.
The sad thing is I’ve had to move out of the family home and weren’t married, no will made out so the home is in probate and has to be sold😢
Following Christine’s passing I went to our favourite holiday place in Palmanova and did a 3 night memorial where I placed 2 engraved padlocks and dried flower in 2 of our places. I never imagined I’d ever go back in my own but on day 2 I felt Christine’s strength and things changed from that instance. This morning I’ve booked a week over there which will incorporate the memorial date sorry for the essay x
Thats so sad, my husband hadnt shown any signs of illness but the post mortem showed he had enlarged prostate and a blockage, causing urine to go into his kidneys, this was a big shock to us all.
How nice to be able to go back to a place you both loved. We used to go to Cyprus every year, we loved it there, so far i cant face it. I will one day. We also went to Barbados for my daughters wedding and he always said he would love to go back. I was going to arrange it as a surprise for his 75th birthday this year but sadly it wasnt to be. Maybe its something i will do when i feel ready. I had some of his ashes put into a ring for me to wear wherever i go there was some returned to me and i would love to get permission to take them with me to both places and scatter them there so he will forever be in places that he loved. The main casket will move with me down south so ghat when i go we can go together
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My husband had problems with his kidneys … because they realised he had a blockage in his bladder and after they stabilsed them , 2 months later !!! He had a camera in bladder and they found aggressive cancer … by november they told him nothing they could do …passed away in december ! Jeez what a terrible journey we have had and i miss him so much ! My world is just so strange now for me 8 months later … just cant get used to him not being here … so hard !! he was such a bubbly person … x
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