I’ve been feeling a pre grief for 5 agonising weeks. I’m grieving my ole dad already because as he says on the limited restricted visits I’m allowed he says he’s living dead, because the hospital have slapped on a Deprivation of Liberty on my dad saying he can’t discharge himself against medical advice. Being frail, bed bound, on medication to make him unnecessarily seemingly dementia, the hospital are doing a ‘backdoor euthanasia’ yet my dad has survived 5 weeks in the hell hole hospital ward, where he even to me some of the staff are are like gestapo. My apologies for such extreme words but when you consent to going into hospital one is also consenting to having human rights and legal rights taken away if the doctors and nursing staff deem you to be an easy candidate for the ‘Pathway’ to a ‘Managed Death’. So my frail elderly dad isn’t allowed home to be cared for by me. Because it’s about economics not Ethics, and hospitals can be quite sinister places if you’re frail and thus vulnerable and easily deprived of liberty to exercise your wishes. I’m heartbroken, gutted, and already grieving my poor dad because he’s suffering being denied treatment, on a backdoor euthanasia pathway where he’ll die sooner than he needs to, in authoritarian hospital environment. It’s not about care, it’s about economics and denying an end of life person their last wishes to die at home - actually I know my dad would survive longer at home and at least see his familiar bedroom again. Apologies typing so much but I’m heartbroken and grieving already, and powerless. I’ve tried every avenue. I love my dad so much and he’s suffering because he’s had a convenient Deprivation of Liberty slapped on him by some horrible doctor - because the hospital death pathway is cheaper than allowing an elderly man home. Apologies if my words are distressing to readers. Just be wary of admissions into hospital because they may not let you/ your loved ones out home again.
Hello @Cordy,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing your feelings of heartbreak and grief. I’m so sorry to hear about the situation you’re experiencing with your dad and his hospitalisation. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so may understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
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Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through .
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
You can appeal against the DOLs get a Advocate to help you. I don’t know where you live but all NHS have independent advocates who are there to help xxx
@Cordy
There is some good information on scie.org.uk with a section of Use of DoLs in hospitals. Has a best interests meeting been held with a best interests assessor present? The information is there …You have a right to request a review of the authorisation at any time. Perhaps try and speak to the hospital patient liaison officer to find out more about this or just to seek advice. You may already have tried this.
I am so sorry.
Thank you so much for your reply. I’ve almost tried everything but I’m getting nowhere and I’m feeling blocked as something is going very wrong for my dad I’ll put a big complaint in in the end. Thank you I’m just doing a quick thank you for your kind information thank you
Hello @Cordy, just to add to the very helpful resources and advice that @Jeanine1 and @Ellen3 have shared, you might also want to give Mind’s Legal Line a call on 0300 466 6463. They’re open until 6pm.
Thank you so much. I’m feeling so helplessness been trying to get somewhere for 6 weeks. I’m utterly distraught and have no family or support so I had to be strong with contacting all the places DoLS, advocacy service etc but he’s still stuck there and now can’t speak due to whatever they’re putting in him. Apologies my confused words. I’ll contact that organisation you’ve said. Thank you
@Cordy
If you can try to concentrate on one thing at a time. Making that call today may be it for today.
I know how hard it is to try and navigate all of this on your own. It’s exhausting and heartbreaking.
Take care.
Thank you again I have just made some calls, thank you. I always feared and thought losing someone and the grief after would be the worst thing on earth, but I didn’t realise that having someone suffering, dying, confined on a ward, deprived of liberty, legal and in my opinion human rights, essentially just being left to decline and die in a place they don’t want to be, is SO much worse than I ever imagined because I know the hospital have no intention of letting him out home. Again my apologies for such strong words but this is a living nightmare and he’s suffering on a pathway that the hospitals put many frail elderly unempowered people on. It’s like an imprisonment until he passes and I know I could care for him and feed and hydrate him a million times better than what he is experiencing on the ward. Long story. One day I hope to raise awareness of what can happen. I wish I’d have got power of attorney for health and welfare as the hospital would have treated me with more politeness. Apologies I’m going on too much. But many thanks again because your messages have prompted me to make a few chase up calls regard deprivation of liberty safeguards etc best wishes
@Cordy
I hope that the calls you have made will bring the right advice and support for both you and your dad. All my best wishes.
Thank you for your kind words, kindest best wishes sent your way too
It sounds horrendous. Its a shame you cant just go in with a wheelchair and kidnap him.
Big hugs
That’s exactly right and what I wanted to do but they actually said that and they would have called police etc I went through every possible solution eg private ambulance/ taxi quotes etc etc but it was hopeless. But you’re right. I’ll update more another day re my complaints process. I’m still grief stricken and dreading funeral next week as I think I’ll just collapse with grief. Many thanks for comments everyone. I’m only on here a few mins again. Full time sole carer now fir my mum who may have recently had stroke and I’m now trying to do everything to make sure she can remain cared for at home rather than put into a hell hole hospital where they’d just do the same to her, stop treating, deprive of liberty, food and hydration and kill off. forgive my blunt words and realistic cynicism but it was not in my poor ole dad’s best interest to be imprisoned on a hell hole ward, when he should have been allowed home to be cared for by myself and the few people he knew and trusted. He’d still be here now, ok bed bound but warm and cosy and watching TV and fed and loved and protected. But the ward doctors just put him on the 'managed death ’ pathway (backdoor euthanasia) forgive my upsetting words, but the Liverpool care (death) Pathway process is still being used… Google it. My apologies my comments may be so distressing to read, but it’s not about care it’s about cost. Economics not ethics. My dad didn’t have any pain but was morphined off , meaning they took away his ability to swallow a convenient side effect of morphine. Easier than letting this man home to die… Because he’d still be alive today. Death Certificate stated “frailty due to old age”. In my opinion it should say, unnatural death induced by unnecessary administration of morphine that caused inability to swallow therefore cruel death by thirst and starvation over a period of many days of suffering at the hands of ward doctors who decided it was my dad’s time to go because they can do that, and get away with it. Difficult, impossible to prove. My apologies once again I’m going on about this. I don’t want to distress anyone with my gut feeling and what I witnessed with my lovely dad. The ward was a sinister place for him. The doctors know what they’re doing - managed death easier than allowing him home, despite me and a little team of 3 others to look after him 24/7 the doctors would not entertain that idea. I was powerless. My dad even said it was “a conspiracy”. Then they drugged him so he couldn’t speak. Apologies. My words are distressing. I’m just so angry and grief stricken.
Just want to say I feel your pain Cordy.There are no words I can say as I have been through similar. with my mum.It was the worst time of my life Thinking of you xDeborah
My apologies I have just sent a long reply but it hasn’t appeared here I don’t think. I am so sorry for your loss too and I really appreciate your kind words. I really do and I understand your words. I hope you will be alright.
My apologies just a brief reply here and to everyone who has kindly commented, I wish you all the very best. I am personally in a bad way still. I’m gutted every day and still in disbelief, wishing it was just a nightmare.
I will update more in due course when I’m stronger.
Sincerest wishes to everyone for now x:ear_of_rice:
Thank you so much for all your kind words and I am sending my best wishes to you too and I am sorry for the loss of your mum, it is so difficult to know how to word things but I have so appreciated everyone’s words. I will update in due course when I’m stronger. Thinking of everyone and their grief 
Hi Corey,
So lovely to see you back posting again.Was wondering where you were and what was happening with you.We are here for you so please keep posting so you can have us as support.We are all going through the awful pain of grieving and know what you are experiencing. it’s ok to say you are in a bad way.I am sure you are as like so many of us on here are.Am sending you a virtual hug.Keep posting
Deborah x
Dear Seychelles
Thank you so much for all your kind, thoughtful words. They have truly helped me. I will be on here as and when to give updates on a few things. My grief is still horrid. I’m sending my best wishes to you. For now here’s the sad, current , horrible latest, which I can’t believe or accept I’m now going through:
Thank you everyone for allyour words and for sharing about your sadness and grief and loss too. Sadly I think I am losing my mum now. I’m alone with all this currently, and am appreciating perhaps my last Sunday indoors with my mum who lives with me, before my fear that the social/ health system will take over tomorrow. It’s a horrible feeling. All the horrid end of life meds were delivered last week. Apologies as ever sad pessimism and my usual distrust of the so called health and social care system. I just want privacy and me with her. Best wishes to everyone on here. Grief hurts and pending loss and grief is agony. I don’t know how I’m coping except clutching at moments of denial. Best wishes everyone x 
That’s what should have been allowed, bless you for these common-sense words. Best wishes x 
Oh Cordy,
You poor poor thing. Its hell on earth.
Like others I went through similar recently wuth my mum. Reading your story is making me realise that things were done, that wasnt shared with me. I also felt like I was in a nightmare that I hoped I would wake up from.
You’re having it with both parents in a short space of time. There are no words. Please dont apologise for any if what youre saying because thats whats really happening. Its beyond brutal.
I feel concern for you and how youre coping now and in the short term future.
Please keep posting, if it helps.
Mazza x