Bless you Deborah 
xxxx
I’ll update when I’m strong enough, e.g., re the complaint letter reply.
Take care and yup I’m still wailing a lot. I have to record my feelings on my voice recorder so that I feel I’ve got stuff out of me rather than hold it in too long.
Love and best wishes your way for now x
Hi, I’m so sorry you and your dear father are going through this. I really can understand and sympathise with how frustrated and upset you are feeling.
The same thing happened to my father. The hospital made him bed bound and put him in a pathway of end of life without us knowing. They would not discharge him home and he ended up being put in a dementia care home even though he had no previous diagnosis of dementia, we believe it now to have been post death delirium. He had lung disease not dementia so the care home could not adequately care fir him. They took all his meds including oxygen away until he finally after 4 months died from bronchial pneumonia. They were not even treating him for it! There was no real end of life care given.
I felt the same as you, completely helpless and frustrated as my father grew weaker and weaker until he had no strength, no dignity, no quality of life, until death was the only thing left for him. I am considering putting in a complaint but k feel it will fall on deaf ears. I just feel a tremendous amount of guilt that I let him down. I honestly wish with all my heart I’d never called the paramedics and he had stayed at home. Yes he may have still died. But at least in his own home, with his wife & not in suffering for months!
Keep fighting for your dad. It’s so hard when your heart is breaking. But hospitals & care homes need to stop playing god & listen to the families of their patients & the wishes they have. I send you all my love & strength xxxx
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I had exactly the same experience as you with my mum Poppy. I too wish I hadn’t phoned 999. Watching someone pass after being starved and no intervention is traumatic and I am still having flashbacks from it. I can’t even write about it as it’s so painful.
Thinking y would
Deborah x
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Hello Poppy and Deborah
I really really appreciate your comments above. I will reply more another day very soon. Just a little update now - I remain grief stricken and traumatised by what my dad was put through. I am referring my complaint to Ombudsman this week after the hospital eventually gave a whitewash response to my complaint. If you ever want to speak or anything do private message me. I am dedicating the rest of my life to raising the conversation about this horrendous practice. I can’t even type the words here as I don’t want to trigger people. But it’s backdoor euthanasia. I have to do it carefully and it will take time because society doesn’t like people criticising the national health service but in truth this practice of managed death pathway needs to be brought into public conversation (just like the recent post office scandal). I have spent most of this year depressed and having daily nightly flashbacks. I’m not expressing myself too well here but I’ve written everything down on my computer so I don’t forget how it all came to a tragic end. I’d be happy to show the wording of my complaint letter because the hospital try to put people off complaining… They said I’m don’t have my dad’s consent… I replied because he’s not alive to give it ! Writing a complaint is vital, even though we may only get lies and gaslighting but do try to find the strength to word a letter of complaint.
In the future I aim to support people trying to do their complaints because the whole complaints process is designed by the NHS not to give any answers that hold them liable or culpable - essentially it’s all about covering up. But we have to complain if we can but muster the emotional strength to write /email a complaint letter. I’ll update you more about my plight soon. I am determined to eventually go public with mine.
Your two comments above this week have given me a bit of strength to finish getting mine to Ombudsman. There are time limits. If you need any advice about the process of complaining and taking it to Ombudsman do feel free to private message me.
For me I owe it to my poor ole dad’s precious life to bring awareness to what happens.
My apologies that my comment here is so long.
I will re-read your comments again tomorrow.
I am planning in the long run when I’m emotionally stronger to start a support group for people who have gone through similar re a loved one. It will be free of course but a place where people’s stories are heard (anonymously). The sinister practice of what happens is a taboo subject but it needs to get out into the public domain. Most of us are too traumatised and grief stricken to even write a complaint let alone pursue it. My whole life now is going to be dedicated to highlighting how elderly, frail, vulnerable, disabled etc etc need protecting from the euthanasia via starvation and thirst etc etc that my poor dad was subjected to in order to kill him off well before his time. I’m forever, daily, heartbroken, traumatised, likewise having flashbacks, living with ptsd because of what I saw. My plight to eventually bring this horrendous inhumane practice of hospital euthanasia into the public domain has to happen, when I find strength. Most people don’t want to talk about it - it’s too painful.
My apologies I’ve typed so much.
Thinking of you all. Please keep me updated as and when you can. Likewise I’ll update here when I’m strong enough.
Thinking of us all 
x
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Dear Poppy
I can relate and understand everything you write here. Thank you for sharing this. I am so sorry you’ve gone through this too. You word things exactly as it is. I fully resonate with all you’ve written. Please keep in touch here if you can. I’ll be updating my plight when I’m strong enough to. My whole life is now going to be dedicated to raising awareness. I’ve typed more below in the comments.
Thinking of you x
Hello Deborah
I think of you often. I’ve been intending to update here. My process is slow. I’ve done a longer comment below. I really appreciate you still being here on this comments. You’ve gave me strength during my hardest time last year just with your kind words. I fully appreciate what you’ve just written here this week - I’m not getting over it at all myself. Likewise I can’t always word things because it’s too painful. Thinking about you. I’ll keep updating here when I can. The complaint response was a whitewash but I expected that. But I have to carry on with all. More on this another time.
Take care
X
Aww Cordy it’s so wonderful to hear from you again. I too have been wondering how you are and have prayed you have got stronger since those early days.
I admire you so much. I didn’t find the strength to put in a complaint as I was in the most terrible state for months and still am in many ways. I just couldn’t get myself together enough to go through with it. I think you are amazing to do and go and fat as you have.
I know you find the strength to carry on and you will help others do much after you get through it all.
Keep going and keep in touch
Deborah x
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Hello Deborah - thank you for your words. I’ll reply more fully another time soon. Yes the complaints process is not easy at all. It has traumatised me further, being so weakened with grief. I’m not getting much better and I truly understand all you’ve written above and send my caring wishes your way. My apologies I took so long to reply. As I mentioned, I will update on here. I expect a dismissing even by ombudsman but I’ve yet to send that one in - fingers crossed I at least get it sent to Ombudsman.
Personally I feel I’m on my own with a scandal type situation on par with the latest PO scandal. And we know how long that took to come to light etc.
Anyway, just a quick little reply for now. I truly appreciate your words. I feel for you lots too. Love and best wishes
x
Hiya Cordy,
Wonderful to hear from you again on here. Have missed you.
Yes the whole experience must be traumatic for you. You are extremely brave strong and committed. This came across the first time you posted. Well done on getting this far.
It’s tough going with writing a complaint.
Write whenever you feel you can but it’s lovely seeing your posts again
Love Deborah x
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Dear everyone reading here
Sending caring wishes all your ways
I’ve not gone away but remain grief stricken.
My complaint is now with the ombudsman but I hold little hope of truth or transparency.
I’ve had difficulty updating on here but know I must figure out a way to bring what I’ve been through and my poor old dad into the public domain to raise awareness and the conversation about what can happen to people - I can barely repeat everything but it is written above. I’d like to really thank everyone who has private message me and it is only my grief and trauma that has taken me so long to read and reply indeed I have trouble navigating this online platform by my mobile phone I seem to get lost in the messages. However I am getting closer to an update and what I intend to do I know that I have a voice and it must be spoken, but is scary too trying to shine a light on what is happening in our so-called health and care service what, my dad went through should not happen to anyone I can’t get over it, I think about it every day and night.
I’m sending my thoughts sympathies and best wishes to everyone in their grief and loss and trauma
I know my own story has to somehow get into the public domain I need to raise awareness and the conversation but I’m still quite fragile so please keep connected and for those that have private message me with their own stories I thank you they have not been ignored and I will eventually reply, but I’m still struggling day by day myself and it isn’t getting easier but I know I have to find the strength of fortitude to carry on and fight on. All I can say is if this is the way our loved ones are treated in the health service and e.g. put cruelly on a pathway and then have the families gaslighted indeed mocked for caring and not wanting to see I loved ones suffer in the manner that this health ‘care’ system deems reasonable to put people through (I can barely word this) , well I just know that I have to be the one to go public on this. If anyone wants to share their stories please private message me but it will take me a while to get back there’s no hurry I’m not going away but I’m gearing up to find the strength to speak out and raise awareness.
My apologies if I haven’t replied to everyone yet, but I appreciate your messages and will reply eventually when I’m strong enough.
Best wishes for now
Cordy x
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