Thats what happened to my mum also
They stopped all food for 2 days only water They took her medication off me and i wasnt even allowed to give her an inhaler She overcame lung cancer 4 yrs ago and needed her inhaler I used to sneak her mine
Deborah
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I even used to ask for a cup of tea for myself and sneak it to her when no one was looking . I was so scared of getting caught and thrown out so I used to put it in a mug and pretend it was water Then all of a sudden after 12 days they said she could eat anything she fancied . They knew by then then damage was done and she was too frail to recover.
Deborah x
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Yup I took in jellies and fed my dad… Too tearful to write the rest 
xxxx love you dad so much
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We shouldn’t need to sneak food or drink or things in help our loved ones in hospital. It’s appalling. Tragic. Torturous.
(I’ve decided it’s going to be my life thing now to raise awareness of what goes on etc when I’m stronger in the next few weeks/ months I’m going to find out about doing a podcast or YT channel. But I’ve got to think it through. I don’t want to be targeted by haters or NHS legal strong arm. But we’ve paid our NI for this free NHS health service …but no one deserves to go through this at the end. I want to be at the helm of the public conversation about the ethics and humanity of what can happen. And how it can be avoided. But I’m also scared cos I don’t want any public attention or retribution.
But I know I have to go public with my dad’s torturous story. In the future
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Deborah, what you write is EXACTLY right… So true, exactly, they get away with doing the damage etc… Bless you for all the validation you’ve given me on this forum. It just makes me feel less alone with my grief and sadness and numbness etc 
x
Just in case anyone needs to find out about Freedom of Information Requests, here’s a link if I’m allowed to share it on here…:
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Hi
I to had a horrible time with my husband so l know where all of you are coming from.
But there is a difference between a DOLs in the community and a DOLs in hospital.
For one thing a DOLS in the community you have a right to have a Relevant person representative or a family member. Only if you are under the Mental Health Act are you legally entitled to a Independent Mental Advocate.
When my Geoff was dying and l could see his body breaking down and knowing what a independent man he was . I begged them to let him die in peace and dignity but they made him suffer. I have complained with the help of an advocate and they have had to change how they treat patients who are end of life. I know l could not have done this without the work and support of my advocate.
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So heartbreaking im so sorry, how could anyone do this to another human let alone someone who has swore to care for others, my god what has happened to this world…Isn’t it cruel how they make you feel, we were always afraid we were going to get shouted at or blamed for something, when dad died my mum rushed quietly to take dads wedding ring off…It should not have been like that for her…I put dad in a wheelchair so they had an order put on me, they said they were going to stop me visiting, they just want family out of the way…The nurse we found who was named as a whistleblower told us she would tube someone up in the night and it would be gone in the morning, they stopped the patients meds and that alone would kill some…They said dad pulled his tube out 11 times, lies we spent 12 hours a day with him strange he only did it in the night, …11 weeks they took to make my dad look like a man who had a stroke and they did a good job, he fought so hard and was such a strong man but we could not fight these evil nacissists…The day dad died i told the consultant, are you happy now? you built a case, as in you made him look like a man who had a stroke
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Hi Jeanine1
How did you go about getting an advocate please?
Deborah x
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I googled advocate for NHS complaints, then the hospital PALs sent me information.
I live in Yorkshire advocate here are called Cloverleaf and the are a charity organisation so they are independent from NHS or Social Services. Every region has a advocate service l could not have done it without them xx
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Maybe try phoning these people soon , if you can. At least they’ll tell you what they might be able to support you with eg the complaint process , writing on your behalf etc. Etc
Good luck, best wishes for now as ever
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I live in West Wales. Sorry forgot to mention that
Deborah x
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Hello all
(More sad rantings from me, and I don’t want to make people more upset by reading this latest offload)
Wondering how we’re all feeling this bank holiday. A year ago I’d just got a Waitrose online delivery with all my mum’s favorite Easter cakes and things. Things had the potential to not go wrong; things were still in the ‘normal’ zone for me, as both my lovely parents, (though home-bound and frail), were not about to drastically deteriorate, and indeed I know they didn’t need to, and it could have been prevented, but for a horrible chain of events that worked against them both. And now I’m without purpose, and still in daily disbelief, shock, grief. Including huge regret too, that I could have, should have done things different. I think I don’t ever want to laugh again or have joys or hopes, dreams or ambitions, because I’ve lost the only two important people in my life my dad and mum. And in such a way that I just can’t get over how much they each suffered.
Even writing this, I just don’t want to face the reality that they’ve both gone, vanished from my world. I’ve got a long hard process ahead of trying to get some answers to complaints letters I have sent to the NHS and social services. It’ll only be a whitewash of excuses, that’s if they don’t just ignore my complaints. One letter (email) written and sent. Others to do.
I know my mental health is obviously suffering. I just feel like crying but crying leaves me drained and hopeless. I didn’t think I’d lose my dad and mum how I did, not in a million years, as I’d always tried to keep on the ball and not let them fall through the net, fall into the hands of a hospital (national hell sinister) that just needlessly killed my poor dad off, and a social services (not fit for purpose) that was more like social stazi.
Life remains a daily torture for me. The nightmare is the reality. This grieving is sheer pain. Better stop typing now, massive lump in my throat and tears, tears, tears 
Thinking about everyone on here. I’ll update more in due course. I’m struggling bad with daily grief. I cannot come to terms and cry everyday. I’m not coping of getting over things. The anger inside me is bad too, eating away at me. I’m tortured by how my dad suffered at the hands of the hospital (national hell sinister! ) . I’m heartbroken at how my mum suddenly declined and I lost her two months after my dad . I’m crying daily. I’m a wreck. I feel no hope and I’ll never be the same again. What with other life complications, losing both my parents has turned my life into a grief stricken nightmare. every minute of every hour of everyday it feels like my heart and soul are being ripped apart inside me.
Anyway it’s 4am, I have to go back to sleep, get to my job tomorrow, put an act on and brave face. Then come home and cry again in the evening.
Big thoughts and best wishes to all of us grieving our loved ones x 
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@Cordy you have my sincere sympathies. When my Dad was ill in hospital, I saw for myself how awful his ward was. I watched him deteriorate over almost 6 weeks. If you wanted nothing doing, his team were the ones to ask. Their communication was non existent. I had to constantly push for information that was different depending on who you asked. On the day he was due to come home, I’d gone to see him to make sure it was going ahead (I didn’t trust them at this point) I walked in on him dying. I had to call my family members to tell them it wasn’t looking good. He died about 15 minutes later but not with me at his bedside as I was in a poky office wondering what the f was going on. I sincerely hope you succeed in your quest as these things need highlighting. I’ve seen more care in a vets. X
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Hi Corey
Just read your post and wanted you to know I have been thinking about you.I was the same at the beginning and sobbed and wailed every day for 5 mths It is only the last week or so it has eased slightly Don’t fight it. Cry and cry and for as long as you want. We are going through hell and you have had a double loss.I can’t even try to imagine what you are going through.Am here for you ok PM anytime
Massive hugs
Deborah x
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This is just a very quick message to say I’ll update soon. I’ve not felt able to comment on here for a good while. I haven’t forgotten everyone on here . I will update very soon. Things remain difficult, and compounded by other things. Grief stricken daily, and depressed, and sad and angry/frustrated too.
In long run I’m definitely planning to start an (anonymous) podcast or you Tube channel just so that those that want to can share their stories / experiences -Grief and Loss Lived Experience
Will update soon. Thank you again for all your supportive words. Take care everyone.
Take care for now everyone
x
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Dear everyone,
I’m just saying hello just so that I don’t just disappear for ages. Currently I’m still in a bad way. Won’t type loads but it’s bad entrenched grief… complicated…so one day I’ll update more when I’m strong enough to type it all here. Everyone’s words here made me feel less alone with my experience. I am thinking of you all. I know my own grief has gone complicated and I’m still crying almost everyday and have developed anxiety and depression bad as a result of losing both my dad and mum 2 months apart. I’m re-living a year ago when things were going fine (under the circumstances of their old age and mobility issues) and their was no reason for their decline and death as they did - I’m not coming to terms with things … anyway I just thought I’d check in. Best wishes 
everyone and Big thoughts x
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I really appreciated your sharing what you experienced, and and so sorry to hear of what happened - I’m sending continued big thoughts your way - I’m still in a bad way, upset, angry and crying still. I really appreciated your comment. I only get on this bereavement forum when I’m strong enough. Take care and best wishes for now x