Anybody else find it hard keeping on top of the house upkeep and garden.
I’ve 2 chimneys which are leaking and I have a roofer coming tomorrow to assess the situation. Absolutely dreading it doing it all on my own. Feel very vulnerable when I have workmen round. 
Yep. I closed off rooms and be careful of the workers. And you don’t need it all now. Store your stuff away and don’t say much. When you are ready you can do whatever you wish.
I know exactly how you feel I worry about maintaining our home too now hes gone and even considering changing to a flat for security and less maintenance. Don’t openly let them know your alone and if possible get a family member or neighbour to attend. Grief is bad enough without these added worries.
Hi, have you got a friend you could have around with you? That might make you feel more confident when you have tradespeople around. I always had my partner round if I had repairs to be done at my house. (We didn’t live together). But now he’s passed away (Nov 2025), I know what you mean. I did one job on my garden fence on my own, but yes, I’ll have to just face up to it or get a friend round. I don’t have any male friends who live near me, so yes, either me on my own or a female friend. Good luck.
Do you have a local Facebook group? I search for recommendations, choose the person recommended by most. You can usually post anonymously. Get more than one quote and get what it includes in writing (scaffolding, rubbish removed)
Having someone with you when they come is a good idea, back up to remember everything they say too.
Good luck. There are some lovely trades people out there, my husband was one of them.
Thanks Helen. Much appreciated advice.
One of the most difficult problems has been this for me. I have tons of trees on my property and have had to get help w/ mulching all of the fall leaves, along w/ lawn mowing in the summer. Plumbing problems have been another issue. It’s just another way we have to stretch to this new reality and it’s really hard. My husband was so amazingly handy.
Hi Nancy,
Ive always been maintenance handy but now find it difficult not knowing who to trust. Some workmen don’t get back to you or don’t show up. I have a few tradesman that I have back every year because I trust them. It’s just at times it’s so overwhelming and scary doing it on your own. Im ok once they turn up. Its just the waiting and the night before I have trouble sleeping. It’s panic a lot of the times.
I can so relate to your post. Just this week, I had to file a complaint w/ the state about a plumbing business. A simple problem that they solved, but created another one in its place! My husband would have handled this in 1/2 hour. It’s so frustrating!
It is frustrating. If they did the job properly in the first place then you wouldn’t have to complain. For me it would be gearing myself up to make the phonecall. Its in these times that I shout at my husbands photo as to why he left me to deal with all the crap.. sometimes it helps, sometimes not. I’m not mad by the way just mad at him for leaving me. He fought so hard right up until the end. Love him and miss him so much.
I’ve been thinking about this since I read your post this morning. We shouldn’t have to have thoughts like this about feeling vulnerable, but we do. I think what I would do is have some of Mark’s things around the house - shoes by the front door, a jacket over a chair - make sure I was wearing my wedding ring, and say ‘we’ instead of ‘I’ when I can. Might not work for everyone, but I think it could put me more at ease in that sort of situation.
I haven’t taken my wedding ring off and i don’t intend to. I still say “we” a lot even after 2 and a half years. I still feel married…
Its just panic that sets in and I cannot stop it. So I just have to ride the wave…
I know exactly how you feel.Since losing my dear wife so suddenly and unexpectedly i am now all alone to deal with everything, all the worries and responsibilities.I have got to get some repointing done with the brickwork and gutter cleaning and repairs.my dear wife and i did everything together.Life is such a worry now.I have had a recomendation from a neighbour but its picking up the phone to actually make the call i am finding so daunting.We have a local Admag type magazine with tradespeople in and get a Check a trade leaflet through the post.i hope you can get things sorted ok.Take care.
Have you tried rescue remedy? It has helped me when I’ve panicked. I have times at night when I panic and feel I have to get outside (I know it’s strange) sometimes a few drops of rescue remedy have stopped me getting into a real state. It’s like a tiny shot of brandy. I carry a bottle everywhere now in my bag, just in case.
Hi Brummy,
Ive had my gutters cleaned this week. The roofer came today and i need 2 chimneys repointed and flashings to be done. I need my fence fixed and a new gate. The gutters and roofer i contacted via email which made it easier. If not just have a day when you feel stronger to make the calls. When you do it think I’m saying well done my friend for taking a step forward. A day at a time, hour by hour, minute by minute. You two sounded like jim and I. We did everything together all the time and didn’t need others. Carrying on is the hardest thing to do. But watching him die horrifically and slowly was i thought the hardest part. Just many hard parts which somehow we get through. I don’t want to get through but 2 and a half years has gone by so quickly but it seems just like yesterday that he passed. X
Yes I can relate to that. The gutters need cleaning and the roof has a lot of moss on it. I’m also going to have to get a gardner as it’s too much for me. My partner always kept the garden lovely, worked really hard to keep it looking good. I just hope that whoever I get will do it justice. I feel a bit like that about workmen too so I understand. I really feel I just can’t cope any more.
Thank you Helen, I will look into this, much appreciated x
Hi Norma, Sending you a big hug and some strength to cope. A day at a time. Send an email to workmen, it is easier. Sometimes if you ring its a woman on the end of the phone as well. Do checkatrade or ask a neighbour if they could recommend anyone. Tiny steps lead to bigger steps. Days I can’t cope then I just go with it. Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t do anything for a few days or week. Its the grieving process and you just have to find a way to get through it. No rush. No timeline.xx
Do you, I have never worn jewellery in the house, so as soon as I come home, my wedding ring, watch, etc come straight off and go in my jewellery box until I go out again. We once went on one of these all inclusive things and I hated having to sleep with a wristband on!
xx