Thank you so much for your message.My wife and i knew we would have to have quite a lot of work done on the house.Its so important we get traders who are trustworthy, you hear so many stories of rogue traders and scammers but its a shame as there are good tradespeople out there.Recommendations are always best i think especially neighbours that have had work done.It sounds like you have to have a fair bit of work done.You are so right carrying on is the hardest thing to do.We just have to do the best we can , thats all we can do really.I am so sorry for your loss.It sounded awful the way you lost your dear husband.I still keep asking myself WHY? no real answers.Its coming up to a year for me and you are so right it seems just like yesterday my dear wife passed.the day my life changed forever, i day i will never ever forget seeing the paramedics doing CPR here in our living room but all to no avail.they did their best but it was too late.i still blame myself that i should have called the ambulance earlier, i think i will always blame myself.Its all so cruel what has happened to us.I dont think time heals our grief we just have to try and live with it somehowX
So sorry for your loss too. It must have been hard for you too. Please do not blame yourself. All these maybe’s don’t help anybody. Ringing an ambulance earlier doesn’t mean they would have turned up earlier.. not these days. You can’t blame yourself.
Ive found if I get a good tradesman I ask them if they can recommend anyone and sometimes they have mates in another field. Go with your gut, if your not sure of someone then find someone else. Once you start getting tradesman it pushes you to get another job done. Sending you strength and energy to pick up that phone or send an email. X
Not sure of your circumstances but it might be worth looking up your local Care & Repair. It’s a charity specifically set up to help vulnerable people stay safe and secure in their own homes. A good few years go I used to be on the Board of Trustees for the one in Northamptonshire. They’re not about making a profit, so aren’t trying to rip you off, and I think all their workmen used to be DBS checked.
I feel frightened a lot since he died three years ago. I feel so vunerable.
The house makes creaking noises with the pipes which is normal but since my cat died last year I feel more so because although she was too much for me to care for with dementia and getting under my feet she used to purr and cuddle which was soothing. It was hard clearing up after her. Little things to sort on the computer cause problems like QR codes. Sounds silly but with disabilities it is horrid.
Yes I have to wait until my son comes. It is too many things. Hate these builders who say it isnt worth small jobs and you feel just a victim. You say deal with my son not me and they ignore you. Some are ok like the man who cleaned out the gutters.
Dont talk abiut age uk because it isnt suitable the the things i require. No good their IT coming as cannot remember it is all too much. I just do not like change.
Compared to some people who can’t do anything then that must be worse.
It feels so daunting. I do little bits. Try to do what can. Have good days. Yesterday I got to an in person art class. I managed it after not going for ages. But what an ask getting ready. Takes ages. Then drivjng there, parking and worrying if the car will start in cold wet weather. I enjoyed it after weeks of worrying because of little issues I get out of proportion.
I think we will all feel a little better when the sun shines and the lighter nights are here. I’ve been sat outside in the garden with my big coat on, it’s absolutely tipping it down.
One day and one job at a time. My brother in law is coming today to help me wallpaper. I don’t be afraid to ask for help. I’m just learning to do this. I think people want to help but don’t know how.
It is so daunting and disorientating. All the can do is your best and hope to find the right people to help with everything else.
Everything seems to be going wrong in my house at the moment. I was talking to my sister yesterday and said I’m going to write a list of things I need help with, and offer it up to anyone who asks if there’s anything they can do to choose from. Like a gift list for wedding guests but with chores instead! It might work
I have two cats and, while I always seem to be worrying about them, I would be lost without them. I understand how you will miss that comfort.
I feel the same and said that, too. “Why am I left w/ so much nonsense to handle?” It takes its toll. Another plumbing problem happened a month prior! Many of us on here have so many similar feelings as I have read through the various posts over time. Frustration.
Thank you so much for your kind , understanding message..Thank you for your advice about traders.A neighbour has recommended someone , i will try and get the courage to phone them.
I will try not to blame myself about not doing more to help my dear wife.it was the suddeness and unexpectedness that has really torn me apart.I miss her so much, she was my world, my everything.Take care.
Im glad your neighbour suggested somebody. Ring them, you can do it and will feel better when you have done it. You bought the house together to do up. You need to finish it, whether to stay there or not. Sending you courage.
None of us could change the past. I wish I had done more but none of us saw the future. Sometimes life just happens and no matter what we think would change things maybe wouldn’t have. I do wonder if when we’re born our death is a given on a certain date.
If I can do tradesmen then so can you. Keep the faith (Northern Soul) my friend. X
Yes i have also noticed we are all feeling the same emotions. It makes me feel less alone. I hope it does for you too. We are all trying to help each other which is nice. Very careing xx
I feel the same about the house. Ever since my partner died suddenly last September 26th lots of things have needed fixing. I’m still trying to work out what batteries I need for the garage door remote, the burglar alarm stopped working, I had to get a fence post and gate fixed, plumbing work on an outside pipe and the gutters need doing. My anxiety levels are through the roof and I’m going to have to get garden maintenance set up. I know my partner would want me to have the house, he worked really hard so we would be comfortable. I don’t think I can cope, it’s too big for just me and without him it’s so lonely and quiet.
