Thank you so much for your kind message and advice.Its taking that step to get someone to do the work but i will.As you say none of us could change the past.i have often wondered too about what you said if when we are born our death is given on a certain date.I wonder if our life is sort of mapped out for us?If this phase of our life that we are having to go through which is so heartbreaking and upsetting is all part of the “bigger picture “to the life we have on this earth?If its all part of a sort of learning process, seeing how we cope with all these situations that are thrown at us?
Northern soul, that was real music.Music like so many other things seemed so much better than today.thank you so much for your advice and understanding.
Thank you Brummy for responding. I do wonder if life is mapped out for us. There are times in my life when I feel things are going to happen.
We just have to muddle through somehow. I do get comfort from this group and I hope you will too. If you want to talk just message. I’m always here to listen.
thank you so much for your kind message.I often wonder if there is a “bigger Picture” to everything.Some people think we just pass away and thats it.we are all different as individuals and all have different beliefs/faiths.Its whatever helps us and helps to comfort us that matters.Its what “works” for us.i know there is an old saying never discuss politics or religion! Taxes and death we will always have and ones thing for sure we never leave this earth alive.I have experienced comforting things since my dear wife passed which does make me think.It doesnt take awy the grief and heartbreak and me crying literally every day but sometimes things happen that dont seem just coincidences.You are so right we just have to muddle through somehow.I do get comfort fromthis group.We have no children and i have only my dear wifes sister who is disabled and not good mentally, i have no friends so i find this site so understanding and supportive.Thank you so much for your kindness and understanding.If you want to talk just message.I will always do my best to help and listen.Talking is so important i feel, once we lose that connection i think makes things even worse than what we are going through.Never think you are alone.Grief is something everyone will have to encounter at some time.I just wish my wife was still with me and i had not had to go through it now.All we can do is our best, take things step by step, moment by moment.
Thankyou for your kind words. They have made me cry. I’m having a bad day today. I don’t know why, it’s just engulfed me today. I feel so alone, scared and frightened. I’ll be ok tomorrow because I have to get up and visit my mum in her care home. She has severe Alzheimer’s. My mate try’s to push me to do more but she hasn’t been through extreme guilt, so she doesn’t understand. She’s also a therapist and try’s to analyse everything. I get frustrated sometimes. I lost my sister 18 yrs ago and my husband said I was never the same after that. He never said that to me until he was dying. It made me sad because how do I be me now ?? My children are 23 and 25 and are trying to cope with it all too. My mate wants me to make new memories but she said i know you don’t want to be happy… she’s right i don’t, not without Jim here. Sorry Brummy for being a downer. I hope your wife’s sister is managing to cope, losing her sister too.x
Outside of the widowed group, people don’t understand and they don’t really want to deal with it as they just hope it doesn’t happen to them. We don’t want to be in this position but we are by fate.
So yes being on here helps us whether its a little or a lot. At least its something to help us and connects us all. We are strangers but we care and understand each others grief. Not many groups can say that..
Hope ive not been too deep or depressed you. Next time I’ll be brighter. X Thank you for being kind.x
Today the weather is so much better with a clear blue sky. Things appear calmer then. I am trying to understand how the boiler works and figure out hiu to get the hot water to come on again. He would have sorted it out before. People say to me why don’t I just get a plumber or this that or the other. To me isn’t that simple. They turn up and have to pay for something if I had looked could have easily dealt with. We all have different issues. I charged my car up myself. People glibly say stuff like sell your car and use taxis no way. Try getting a taxi can afford where I live! They say go on bus when it is too far to bus stop. What is easy for some isn’t for me. I look younger than I am so they make assumptions.
Yes it is a brighter day today. I hope you sort your water today. Hopefully you have an instruction booklet or look up on line. Trial and error. You can sort it.
People shouldn’t be telling you to sell your car and get a taxi or bus. That is your decision to make. I too look younger than my age so people assume you can cope with this, that and the other but it’s not that simple.
Yes I understand. You never know who to trust. Also I find such as a leaking roof or such as a harmless letter from Inland Revenue unnerving. As for sympathy notes within Christmas cards, so hard to cope with.
Yes I looked at the instruction book and got all excited as there was an icon to press. So did that no joy. Then my son said try holding it down longer. So off I go to do that. Glad agree not other people’s right to be bossy. While I can drive where I feel comfortable I will. It is like the Beatle’s “You’ll Get There in the End Oh Yes”. My grandsons think I am crazy when I say that sort of thing. My father always used to try to fix things but he was an engineer. When I was a kid he said “watch this you will be grateful one day”. How to change a fuse in a plug. I say “thanks dad” when I do. He has been gone over 30 years.
Ooh Sympathy notes in Christmas cards. Nooo… I worked in a card shop, you can actually get Thinking of you at Christmas ,cards, which are a lot gentler.. i think i would have burnt them. Harsh i know. But difficult times means more thought to me. X
Hi Enorac, well done you. I always try myself first. My dad also taught me wallpapering, tiling and more. I was 16 when he died but he taught me so much. When I met my husband he couldn’t even change a plug. His dad wouldn’t let him in case he hurt himself. So he learnt a lot off me. x
Yes planting herbs great idea. An eat nasturtium leaves in salad. I grew some stuff the first year my husband died. Shortage water was a problem thereafter. Wish could bottle all this rain for heatwave. Just got one butt.
Hi lostandalone68, i do hope you are ok?i was so sorry yesterday was so hard for you.i so hope today has been better for you?i am sorry my words yesterday made you cry.It really is an awful road we find ourselves on.Today was the first anniversary of my dear wifes passing.I had to book the day off work as i knew i would never get through today.I knew this day was approaching but nothing can prepare you for these “anniversary” type days.It really has been an awful day.I tried to remember good memories like our wedding day and the first time i met my dear wife but found them engulfedby tears and sadness back to that awful Sunday that changed my life and myself for ever.Grief has no timeline and direction it can effect us anytime anywhere in any way.Sometimes ranges of emotions can hit us.Sometimes within minutes, hours,or days.One moment we are not too bad then that wave of grief and emotion will hit us again.The feelings and emotions you are feeling i have them too, sometimes all together , sometimes seperatly.The loneliness, having no children, no friends and very few relatives its literally me now.My dear wife was so loving, so kind, caring and gentle, she was my world, my everything.Now i have to face this new life alone.I am often scared too, scared and frightened of the future.We shared everything together,our worries too.Nowi have to try and take on worries alone.There are things i want to ask my wife, am i doing the right things?I miss her so much.Everything seems to feel like walking uphill carrying a heavy burden on my back.We can only do our best and take things step by step, one moment at a time, to try and be patient with ourselves.I am so sorry to hear about your dear mum.My mum too had Alzheimers but only early stages.I always think how loving and kind my dear wife was looking after her when i was at work.She was still at home and passed away at home too.That filled me with guilt too as she passed away one night when i had gone back home in the evening.She loved the other side of town.My wife thought a lot of her, i loved her so much too.My wife has left a donation to the Alzheimers society in her will.We support our local hospice too where we used to live.Alzheimers is such a horrible condition.My dear mum still knew me and my wife but she used to have hullicinations .It is so heartbreaking what they have to go through but its us that have to see the person we so loved be in this state,It really is horrible.I often say on here, life is so cruel.Its always the kindest most loving caring people it happens to.It must be so hard for you seeing your dear mum and having lost your dear husband too.Please dont let anyone push you to do more.you can only do what you can, no one really understands what you are going through, only you can understand.I am so sorry you lost your sister too.My dear wife lost her mum this date 2022, she passed here at home in her bed one night.My wife found her in the morning and she never really got over the shock.The way my wife passed so suddenly and unexpectedly i will never get over.She was here one minute gone the next.I really do know what you mean about not being happy without your dear Jim, thats how i feel too.Nothing will ever be the same for us again we have changed forever and our life has changed too but we can only do our best thats all we can do, take one step at a time, one moment at a time.My wifes sister to be honest seems to be coping much better than me.I am just finding it so difficult and everything so hard.I dont think we ever get over grief and losing our dear loved ones we just have to try and adjust and live with it somehow.It does help to talk to people who really understand how we feel and what we are going through.Someone to hold our hand along this path we find ourselves, to let us know we are not alone.
Please look after yourself that is so important.Sending you a hug too.Take carex
Please dont apolgise you havent been too deep or depressed me.Its how we are, our feelings.Its so important to share our feelings and thoughts, the sad , awful days, the slightly better bearable days.The worst things we can do is bottle things up inside us, if we can share our feelings with each other we can all try and help and bring comfort to one another on this awful journey we find ourselves on.We are all different as human beings and grief is something that we will all have to go through at some stage of our life on earth.Take carex
I am so sorry that today is your wife’s anniversary. The day approaches like a monster following you. The day comes and the day goes. Just like every day after. Nothing can be said to make it any easier I’m afraid. I hope you have been kind to yourself and every day that follows. I wish my message last night had been sent days before today or days after. It probably didn’t help and for that I am sorry.
Your wife sounded like a beautiful soul who cared for you and both families. Your wife was very caring to her mum and your mum it sounds. That says a lot about her nature.It does seem that all the good die young… the rest of us just carry the pain and loss and try to carry on.
You both had a lot to deal with over the last few years which is sad to hear.
I hope your work colleagues are understanding and maybe be able to talk to in some way.
It is literally a minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day way to cope.
My husband and I shared everything too. Talked about everything and laughed and cried about everything. We didn’t need others in our life. We could be together 24/7 and not get on each others nerves. We just used to fit together. Sounds like you and your lovely wife.xx
Take care my friend. I’m right beside you if you need to offload or talk about anything. We all are here to help each other through our most hardest times in our lives. X
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