Thanks for that.
Pat
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I have just been reading through your conversations. I thought I was the only one that felt guilty for feeling this way, the grief. I tried to go back to work and unfortunately had to come out again. I was with my Andy up until the end. The journey leading up to that day had been traumatic. From day one I was chasing drs, consultants, medication and constantly worrying. Andy fought everyday until complications set in. His daughters couldn’t tell him to let go so I did that. I whispered in his ear, it’s ok you can go we are here. You’re tired it’s fine, you can go. He died 10 minutes later. I don’t like talking to people, I don’t like going out, I feel like I’ve got a big sign above my head saying she’s lonely she doesn’t have anyone. I’ve lost everything because he was my everything. I feel that I’m letting my work down and that I can’t go back to my job because of the pressures. I just put a smile on my face and say I’m fine. I just want to stay in my house where I can feel him around me. I do go out when I need to but I can’t wait until I get back. This is so horrible.
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I feel the same, when my husband was alive i was confident, always busy socially, now I’ve cganged completely, I only feel ok when I’m at home, I feel safe and secure there, it’s like the world has become a scary place, is it because our foundations have been rocked?
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That’s how I feel. Most probably that is why. I feel closer to Andy at home therefore I feel safe there. Don’t get me wrong I still have a sense of humour and I still speak to my friends as they have been really kind. I have to plan where I’m going, sort my route out and then give myself plenty of time to process it. I’ve never been a confident person as it is but like you say our foundations have been rocked and I would say a good 10 on the Richter scale. I don’t feel that I’m the same person, I feel that half of me is missing
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I feel the same. My house is my safe place and have no confidence left anymore to go out and been off work since he died (6 weeks ago). Even though I’m
So so sorry for your losses and the heartache you are experiencing, it is quite reassuring knowing that how I am feeling is also happening to others. Everyone else seems to get on with their lufe, but as you say half of me is missing and my life was with him. Big hugs to you all x
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Big hugs to you too 
You’re very welcome x
Hi. Pat.
Well we have ‘fallen over’ haven’t we? We can and will pick ourselves up and carry on until the next fall. Get up again, dust ourselves off and go on. That’s life. Even without bereavement. But grief makes it so much harder to get up. Sometimes we may feel it better to just lay there and let some Good Samaritan come along and pick us up. Lethargy can be a real no no in grief. I so often have to push myself to get moving. I go for coffee in the mornings, as I think you know, and even that can be a strain. It’s OK once there, but the effort. !!! This ‘not wanting to do’ I think stems from the fact that there’s no one to do anything for. Perhaps we don’t realise that what most of us did we did to please our partner. Now there’s no one there so we say ‘what’s the point’. But we are still here and you, Pat, are still there, thank God. All of you are, and we may need to realise that in helping each other we help ourselves. This is not being selfish but a two way exchange which helps us both. Well, I can only speak for myself, but that’s how I see it.
If I hadn’t come on here I may well still be thinking it was only me suffering in this way. It’s the common bond of grief that I find comforting.
Yes, comforting! Perhaps I’m a bit odd. My wife used to tell me I was so it may be true. But it doesn’t stop me thanking you all especially you Pat, and all you others for the help I have had. Blessings, love and hugs to all. XX
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SanW, you too are a breath of fresh air…xx
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That is lovely xx
Hi Mrs, how are you doing? I have been 
last two days. Colin’s car went on Monday so every time I look out the window there’s an empty parking place 
I just feel that’s another bit of him gone. I took Daisy a walk but kept meeting people and ended up bawling my eyes out in the street. That’s the worst of living in a small village everyone knows you and your business. I usually end up driving to another village where no one knows me if I need shopping 
How are you finding things with not working? Are you managing to pass the days ok?
X
Hi Vanda, I’m alright thankyou. I’m sorry to hear you’ve had some bad days. I suppose it’s part and parcel isn’t it. I’ve noticed that on some days you think you are doing ok and then wham it hits you.
I had to let Andys car go right at the beginning as I would have been paying for it and I just didn’t have the money to do that. When I had to close things down of Andys I felt that I was erasing him, until someone said no you are protecting him.
With regards to Collins car I know it’s not nice that it isn’t there anymore, but at least now it won’t get damaged or stolen which would really hurt.
I choose who I talk to now. Some people I will just say hello to and walk on others I will stop and talk to. I appreciate that in a small village it can be difficult to do that. This is just all isn’t it.
I don’t miss work and it is a relief for now that I don’t have to go. I feel safe in my house and I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to. Xx
Hi there John, Yes we fall over but we learn to pick ourselves up and it get’s easier each time. I agree about the lethargy someday’s I wonder how I’m going to put one foot in front of the other and told at my age I am lucky to be so active, as far as I’m concerned luck has nothing to do with it. I have no intention of slowing down. My dogs are probably my inspiration and when I might have been tempted to stay in bed I have been told off by them and they demand I get up and we go for a walk. I agree that all important push is so important. No one is going to do it for us we have to make that effort ourselves, hard as it might be.
By co-incidence Brian also thought that I was a strange person as I would never keep still and he did say once that I was a hard person to live with. I don’t think he meant it in a nasty way. He just liked his peace and quiet and his own space. Now I am grateful that I have the ability to keep occupied but even for me that can be hard at times.
I am also so grateful for the chats that we have on this forum and the help and support we give to each other It certainly helps me and today alone I have laughed twice so we can have humour as well.
Love and hugs
Pat
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Glad you are ok today. Like you it is always a relief to get back home again and just close the door on your sanctuary where you feel safe and secure. It’s good you are not missing work, it gives you breathing space to do what you need to do as each day is different. Can’t think of anything worse than having to go to work if it’s one of your bad days 
You are right about Colin’s car it was just laying there gathering dust as it was too powerful for me so better it’s gone and the money in the bank
Xx
I’m planning on a new kitchen. The builder is coming round on Monday. Me and Andy wanted to put a new kitchen in and ours desperately needs doing. It’s been in that long it’s gone in and out of fashion numerous times lol. I don’t know if it’s a good time to start this project but I’ve got my daughters wanting to be involved so that will help. Work have arranged for me to go to occupational health next week so I will have to wait and see what they come up with. Will most probably say I’m completely mad lol.
We will always have Andy and Colin with us Vanda. Their things didn’t make us love them, they were the reason we loved them. It still hurts me when I have to close something else down. I find comfort in knowing Andys clothes are still in the wardrobe and his socks in the drawer. His shaving brush and razor still stand on the side in the bathroom and his toothbrush in the pot. He fills my thoughts everyday. Bloody life is cruel xx
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Oh don’t, you are making me greet as we say in Scotland. You are right it’s just material things and they are still with us 
That’s good about the kitchen it will give you something to focus on and the fact it was something you and Andy were going to do together is bitter sweet but I am sure he will be looking down making sure you choose the right style 
If Occupational health suggest a straight jacket get one for me as well 
Xx
I will do lol. Take care Vanda. I always look out for you on here. You have helped me so much. I tell my friends and family about you and how good you are. Xx
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Snap, I tell my lot about you as well 
as good as they are they don’t understand as they all have their husbands where as you can empathize with me and our stories are so similar. I always feel a bit better after we have chatted.
Talk soon xx
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I have had a bad couple of days. Why do I feel so bad about not going back to work just yet. I don’t know if can cope with my job. I feel that my job was in my happy life and that it has no place in my new sad and lost life. I don’t feel that I am the same person anymore. I look at my work colleagues/friends and they all belong in my old life. They still carry on in their lives as nothing has changed. I don’t recognise anything anymore. I look forward to a new day as it is a day closer to being with Andy again. When I went back to work for a few days they said we’ve left the wall planner for you to sort out, I always put the annual leave on there for everybody. I used to get excited about doing that as me and Andy always had holidays to look forward to. It means nothing now. Everything is wrong and pointless. I know I sound full of self pity, it isn’t that. I just don’t know anything anymore and I don’t have my Andy to talk to to put things right.