How can life be so cruel

16 weeks ago my beautiful 6foot blonde wife Tracey was taken into hospital suffering with balance problems and headache. Today I have just picked up my wife’s Ashes. I just can’t take this nightmare in. Surely life can’t be this cruel. I only lost my mum 7 months ago from dementia . I can’t believe how aggressive brain cancer can be. It’s like a horrible roller-coaster ride that you can’t get of.

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Hello Jc1959,
I’m so sorry to hear about your wife’s very sudden death . It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment and an awful lot to take in.
I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the
community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and
will understand some of what you are going through.
Another good place to get support is Cruse Bereavement offers a helpline, email support, and counselling and support groups through their local services: 0808 808 1677, helpline@cruse.org.uk, http://www.cruse.org.uk/bereavement-services.

Take care,
Audrey
Online Community team

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I lost my husband to Brain cancer 11wks ago aged 64. We had only been married 2years. He died just 6wks after diagnosis. It all happened so quick. GP with headache, then confused, diagnosis 19days later hospice and died 4wks after that. No time to process anything. People are going around terrified of Covid but 1 in 2 people get cancer far bigger odds I hope you get some comfort from this group. We are not alone x

Hi. Thank you for your reply and sharing your pain with us. And yes there is a lot of news on covid but not enough said of all the cancer patients that are dying because of cancelled treatments during this epidemic.
It’s nice to know we are not alone

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My husband also 64 died suddenly last November. No warning . Talking one minute died the next. Did all he could to stay fit and well and was sitting talking when he died. Loved his family and his life and never took unnecessary risks. According to the doctor these things happen - no surprise or interest as to why it happened just accept it and move on. Utterly soul destroying. Even without the presence of Covid and it’s terrifying
consequences life is precarious as many of us on this forum know only too painfully well.
Sending heartfelt empathy to all those on this site trying to understand the nightmare of overwhelming grief.xx

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Omg! I only had a week with Bill after his diagnosis before the tumour took his personality. He lost all inhibitors and became snappy when he couldn’t do things. He could work the TV remote one minute then not the next. He forgot how to wash and it was heartbreaking to watch him deteriorate over the next 5wks in the hospice. I know people say “well at least he didn’t suffer too long” and you have undoubtedly had the same but it’s the processing as so sudden and to reasonably healthy men. I know my 90 yr old father wishes it had been him as he hates to see me upset especially as I had been so happy the last 11 years. Life can be so cruel. Sending hugs and hoping when we get to see our families that life can be a bit easier. X

So so sorry to hear this, yes life is very cruel and hard to understand but I’ll pray that you can and will carry on. I’m in my second year of being a widow and sometimes I’m totally overwhelmed with grief and despair, at these times I find thinking of our beautiful moments and thank god for what I had.

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Shonzie, I posted to you yesterday and I have just noticed I posted it on the thread not to you directly :roll_eyes: if you go back a wee bit you will see it. Forgive my stupidity it’s grief brain :disappointed_relieved:

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Hi.
Thank you for your support. You too must have gone through some sad and desperate times like I am Now.
I just can’t see any light at the moment and get so lonely even though I have two daughters at home. They seem to lock themselves in their rooms. I don’t think they can quite understand what has happened in the last few months.

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It is still possible to be lonely with children in the house if they stay in their rooms and only come out for food so don’t beat yourself up about it. Have you tried telling them? Maybe you put on a front, a bit like me, so they see you “ok” and think you are. Try talking. Xx

My children are grown up so they have more understanding of my grief, but you can feel lonely in a crowded room if the one you love isn’t there. No one is going to be able to fill the huge void they leave behind, I had my darling husband for 38 years, more than half my life, lost best describes how I feel, lost and sore xx

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Yes I do try talking to my daughters who are 16 and 20 but I find it so hard as until my wife Tracey passed away I was mostly at work while the kids spent most of the time with their mum. I am now trying to run a house which I have never done before and keep my kids safe while I am feeling so sad and down. Not to mention no sleep or energy.

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Yes I think your right about feeling lost. The brain cancer my wife got was so aggressive I just didn’t have time to come to terms what was happening so now I just don’t know what to do . I’m just so stressed tired and tearful all the time. We were planning a great future together, now I don’t want to think about tomorrow.

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My husband had cancer too and we thought we had months but a clot to his heart took him suddenly one afternoon, he died in my arms. The shock jst numbed me and you are probably still in shock too, it takes time and a lot of tears to come to terms with it, jst be kind to yourself and try not to lose hope xx

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Hi.
Yes I know I must stay positive because my wife would want me to keep our little family together. It’s just so hard to pick myself up after nursing my wife at home in the final weeks of her life and see Tracey deteriorate so quickly in front of me and our daughters. At least I held her hand when she passed away. Tracey was only fifty years old and it didn’t seem right to put her in hospice when there was only a 1hr visiting slot a day with the covid virus. I wanted Tracey to feel as comfortable as possible in her own house and bed.

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You did everything you could for her and that will become a comfort in time, I also nursed my husband at home, he would have hated a hospice. Your very young to have gone through what we only ever imagine happening to the old, you must be going through the whole emotional spectrum right now I really feel for you xx

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Yes my wife would have hated been put in a hospice with been so young. And your husband must be so proud of you for looking after him at home. I found it very stressful and and upsetting in the last few days when Tracey could not do anything for herself, but I loved looking after the love of my life. Oh sadly I’m not so young I’m sixty one Tracey was a lot younger than me that is why I think life is so unfair, it should of been me. Tracey had so much more living to do. X

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Your the same age as me then, my husband was 72 when he passed, there was 13 years between us. Please don’t feel guilty for not going first, that’s out of our hands, I’m glad he went first because he wouldn’t have been able to bear my loss, so I try and think of that when I crumble at times xx

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Yes we used to have a laugh and I’d tell Tracey she and the kids would be well looked after when I was gone. I am always at the doctors with some ailment. my wife never was poorly in the 25 years we were together until she got the brain tumour diagnosed in January. Heartbreaking x

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My husband used to say he was living off the bonus after he turned 60,jst as well we don’t know what’s ahead of us really isn’t it? It helps to talk to people who understand though xx

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