I am so sorry you did not get any of Jaynes ashes 
Do you think the mother just didn’t think or was it deliberate? Is there any way you could approach her and see if there is a chance you could have some? You were Jaynes partner for many years and you made her happy so I can’t understand why they have treated you so badly. At the end of the day Ian you had so much more of Jayne than they ever had so a wee bag of ashes will make no difference, you have her in your heart forever and nobody can take that away from you x
hi Vanda
ive written about my problems in a few threads I started.like finding out 3 days before the funeral,[because Karen Jaynes best female friend organised a meeting for me with the father who would be doing Jaynes service] when I saw the father he did not know who I was,i had to tell him I was Jaynes partner for 28 years and we lived together for over 20 years.as few days earlier id been see Ann[Jaynes mum] and her father over something else.
and id been given a lift by Doug[Karens husband]whilst I was inside talking with Ann,John[Jaynes dad was outside][ he had a chat with Doug and was talking about holidays and Doug offered Karens services to look after their dog if they went away any time,i was asked to give Ann and John Karens mobile number which I did]so after we had seen the father,he must of called Ann,as later that evening I had a call from Karen ,she had been trying get Karen to dislike me was ranting and raving to her,but Karen could not be told anything about we which she didn’t know,plus Ann was saying oh Jayne didn’t love Ian and was saying horrible things,Karen whilst facing this tirade asked about me doing a eulogy,and backed Ann into corner and ended up agreeing.but had accused Karen of being brain washed by me.ive never hidden my problems.for many many years ive had a gambling problem,i actually stopped playing fruit machines in 2004 and touch wood ive not been on a machine whilst out in a pub since then,from around 2009 Jayne handled all monies and I had spends,Jayne wasn’t the instigator ,it was me I needed Jayne to be in control.anyway Ann had said about me being a waster etc,and over the years Jayne always talked about us and Karen knows how much I love Jayne and how much im missing her,and Karen knows from talking with Jayne that she loved me and was very happy with our relationship.oh and because of my gambling I was not on the mortgage ,Jayne wanted me on but I did not want that slightest temptation call me weak thats ok,id sooner that than be years down the line and of been tempted to of got money using the house as collateral.
I had a credit card we used for shopping etc,and hand on heart I was never even the slightest bit tempted to draw cash,why because I loved Jayne with all my heart and did not want to let her down.Thats why I had get out the house.lots and lots of issues have happened over the months since losing Jayne.and having move was heart breaking as every night whilst their I was always talking to Jayne and feeling that she was their with me.
ive mentioned lots of other things and they are stored in my memory until I can get my act together and try write a book,which may help others in long term relationships,maybe make them write wills or get married.Jayne would of been happy going to the nearest registry office,we didn’t need to or thats what we thought.and not for reasons regarding monies,but you who were married yes its sad you can be classed as widows or widowers ,me im just classed as single,i dont like it one bit.
sorry jc1959 for infesting your thread with my own issues.
sorry every one for these ramblings of a lost soul.
You know what Ian they sound like a bunch of horrible people who were bitter and jealous that their daughter found happiness with you. If Jayne had not been happy and content with you she was a strong enough lady to walk away, she was a very intelligent, clever lass who loved you very much and I know how much you adored her. We all have faults but because we love eachother we work through them and figure out solutions that work for us within relationships. You were together a long time which says a lot about how you felt for eachother I am just sorry that like the rest of us on here your time together was cut short 
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thank you Vanda
I mean my experiences surrounding Jaynes family have opened my eyes,i thought they were a loving caring group of people,and I never expected this.thats why I was hoping too help others,id of loved to be able help on here and be a volunteer,but was told because im still how I am,which is how im going be till I die im not capable.but im certain the best help and comfort on this site is given by those who truly know the feelings others are going through.books cannot teach how some one feels after losing a loved one be that a partner mum dad sister etc etc,every one of us is an individual and from a site like this they should be treated so.not every one can be given the same words of comfort not every one can go back to work and act like nothing as happened we cant all go walking or gardening we are all different and different things will help us all find our own way of coping.
damn im preaching sorry.just wish I could have my baby Jayne back and wave a magic wand so we can all spend time with our soul mates and loved ones.why cant god ask us to share the years we have left,id of been happy dying now with Jayne in my arms than have a single day without her.and im pretty sure many others feel the same as me.
thank you again Vanda and sorry for my ramblings again.
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Hi MrsColt, I have never seen anyone’s ashes so had know idea of the amount. My mum is dead against it so never took my grandparents ashes. She always says “they could be anybody’s and most of it is the coffin”. It breaks my heart to give any away but his mother is nearly 88 and Bill was close to his father. He died just after we met in 2008. I looked at the necklaces online but went for a locket with his picture instead.
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You know what Shonzie, ashes are just ashes we can keep them, scatter them, turn them into jewellery etc but the one constant is our Husbands live on in our hearts 
and that is all that matters x
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A lovely post, V and so true.
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MrsColt. Thank you. That is so true and beautiful thing to say.
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Summary
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I am stuck by your loss. I am too in a horrible situation where my partner died suddenly, completely unexpectedly. He was so fit and healthy. However I am unable to stop myself asking questions and finding answers to every single little detail. Did you feel this way? I feel really strange, is it weird I want to know. I am just trying to make sense of it.