Welcome to the community @misterhyde, it’s lovely to have you here. Firstly I just wanted to say that you deserve support through this. You mentioned that you feel like a fraud being here, but your feelings are completely valid and you matter too.
I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your son. I can really hear how much you miss him and how much he meant to you. I really hope you’re able to find some support through our online community here. Please do keep posting anytime you need someone to talk to, you are not alone in what you’re going through and there’s lots of caring people here to help you through this.
I wanted to link you to this thread here from @Paul42 who talks about their loss of their child which you might like to read.
Keep us updated with how you’re feeling, we’re all here for you 