Hi Pat
Thank you I’m trying but it’s so bloody hard…….
Xx
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It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face. I get up in the morning and dread to think what the day is going to be like. There’s no pleasure in anything at the minute. Some days are better than others, but I long for my old life back. Some people must have thought we had boring lives, but we got pleasure in doing the simplest of things as long as we did them together.
I just hope that things will get better us x
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Hi Pat
Yes
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Hi Pat
Yes so do I and anyone else in our position
Even when I get upset by seeing ‘couples’ in my head I just also think ‘one day you don’t know what’s going to hit you’
Grieving brings terrible thoughts to your head
Sending hugs
Xx
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Hello grannysmith16. - I am very sorry to hear this story - I too cared for my husband for a time before he died and it was also very unexpected when it happened. - we had been married for almost 30:years . Like you the consultants and drs in the hospital were unhelpful and dismissive and didn’t seem to value his life and how happy he was at home at all. I don’t feel they did enough to help him to survive at all. I talk to him every day - all the time and cry a lot too, and kiss his photo . It was early July when he died and I miss him every second of the day. Dreading the winter ahead and how I will cope without him - we used to just be comfortable at home together on our own in the winter evenings . Please message me if you would like to? Xx
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Yes - everything you have said I could have written myself . I miss him all the time and there was nothing better than just being together - often doing nothing much at all. I was caring for him for a while but he was doing very well,and getting better and then all of a sudden developed an infection - just minor - I took him into hospital as a precaution and 5 days later he had died. Cry and talk to him all the time and can’t believe the seasons are changing and he is not here . Unbearable. Xx
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Hi Sandra
Yes unbearable totally
Sending hugs
But we only want a hug off our special person and reality is it’s not going to happen
But talking helps I chatter all day to Paul and cry a lot
Hugs to everyone who are feeling lost empty heatbroken lonely …. The list I’m afraid is endless
Take care everyone
Xx
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Hello
I am so sorry about the loss of your husband,I feel exactly the same as you in fact most people who have lost their husbands or wife’s,especially when you have nursed for many months before they passed I looked after my husband for almost a year seeing him go from a well man to someone who was unable to breath without oxygen almost on it all the ,time he past away last December caused by having a procedure that if he had it nine months before he would have survived but because of covid he was unable to have the stents put in his heart , he was very weak by this time and flatlined when they were doing it they revived him but they say he had a and past away the next day,
The thing you said struck me something I had never thought about are family and friends are always there but in life,the person you chose to spend your life with is of your own choosing and that is why only someone who has lost there life partners understand ,I am sorry for all have lost someone close but I know no matter how I try I will never get ever get over mine
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I’m going thro something very similar. I lost my love in February this year. I struggle but find the strength to go on because I’m keeping his memory alive by caring for the home we spent 60 years building together. I don’t cry and haven’t even once. The hurt is too deep. I have started volunteering at my local library and go to a yoga class. This helps. I’m also hoping to volunteer in the hospital. We had the same experience with the doctors. They seem to have lost the human touch and we become just another case. I have been back to the ward where he died and spoken to the ward manager as there were a lot of things I noticed that wanted sorting out. I’m also going through the PALS system as things that happened need some explanation and discussion. Try to keep positive and carry on.
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I know how difficult it is I tried to pursue my complains another way no through Pals,after a few months I realised it would take a long time involving court cases and other things,also I think it was the anger in side me that was motivating me,so I aborted what was motivating me it was my anger
The day I changed my mind was the turning point for me I started to grieve his loss,I think you are soo brave not to cry, there is not a day I don’t cry sometimes for long periods I was never what I would call a tearful person
I wish I could say I was getting better I’m coping and able to function he was my world he sheltered me from everything, he was my world for 55 years the love of my life,
I feel life is not fair, but along all the others we are not alone, I am very lucky I have excellent family who always look after me,
Maybe one day I will be able be happy I am fortunate that I am mobile and able to do for myself
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My anger has gone. I’ve gone to pals because I have so many unanswered questions and this is the only way my two sons and I will get closure. It’s the not knowing that’s ripping me apart. Every time I visited it was a different doctor with a different answer. They promised to keep me in the loop but didn’t. Because of covid only I was allowed to visit at an appointed time. In a way that’s good because the boys didn’t see him in his last days so have nice memories as his deterioration was rapid after he was re admitted. If I can prevent someone having the same experience as us that will help. I’ve realised that it’s because I’ve no one to care for now except myself that I’m struggling. Im going to volunteer to work at our local hospital and am hoping that will help me. I just think every day is one day less before we’re together again.
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Morning Lost my love
Just read your post I’m sorry you are in that position
I too had ‘issues’ told by the biopsy consultant Paul’s lung cancer was very early stages no treatment required yet but seeing as tho we’ve found it we’ll do treatment came out of the meeting OK…… rather not have it but early stages yes OK we can deal with it
Then 7 days later we received in the post a copy of his biopsy’findings’ which was sent to the chemotherapy consultant…… top of the page Stage 4
I involved our Macmillan nurse ( Paul didn’t know I was loosing the plot big time)
I was told yes she’d make an appointment to see this consultant just me but we’d need Pauls permission……
Paul didn’t want to talk about god knows what’s goes through their heads ………all he said was ‘ we have a plan we’ll get through it’ …… let it go
To this day doesn’t sit right that was 11th January 2022 Paul passed away 24 th July
10 weeks today an eternity
Your last comment struck a chord
Each day passing to getting closer
I think each day further apart
A new month more pain
The turn of the year will be hellish
I’m just plodding on like the rest of us
Come to realise we are a society of ‘couples’
Big hugs
Xx
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We were told on Jan 13 it was grade 4 and rapidly spreading offered chemo which personally I would have refused but he thought it would give him a bit more time. First chemo feb2 took him to a and e Feb 13. Sepsis!! He died on Feb 25. On the death certificate cause of death was “sepsis directly caused by chemotherapy . 2nd cause lung cancer”. I knew he hadn’t got long but how I wish I’d said don’t have chemo. That’s why I’m pursuing it. He was railroaded into taking treatment. Expected to make the decision immediately. No time to talk and think about it. I know he wouldn’t have lived past the summer but he was content in what he was able to do and how I looked after him. Accepted his lot. It would have meant his boys could have come to see him again too. That’s why I will push and push.
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So sad to read your posts which are similar to mine in so many ways.Treatment between two different hospitals so communication a nightmare…
Why in this day & age can’t an email be sent instead of waiting for letters to go back & forth.
Told my husbands cancer was a slow burn, could live past 90.
He began a trial drug & was dead within a year…Just 66 years old , in & out of hospital, CCU, etc & then sepsis again from double pneumonia for the third time.
It will be 2 years at end of November & I feel worse day by day with less wish to go on, even though I have caring family & friends.
.I feel guilty & so regret I spent so much time in the last year fighting for care & appointments. Why didn’t I just use that time to stay close & just love him, not realising how little time was left.
I go to the sea & sob & shout, why why why? But nothing eases the pain never lessens it just worsens as each day reality sinks in behind the “ brave front “.
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I think being near the sea should help. I love the coast and always find moving water very calming. I’m in Yorkshire
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So sorry for your loss My husband also died from Sepsis it was missed as the hospital were convinced, he had lung cancer they even told me he had. By the time they decided it wasnt lung cancel an abbess had eaten away at his spine, so he was totally paralysed. His treatment in hospital was dreadful and they did actually carry out an investigation. They have the results but as he only died on13th July it is too raw for me to read. The one thing I dont want to know is that if they had acted earlier, he would still be here . I will get it when I feel able but if it stops someone else going through what we did it will be a blessing. The thing is my husband was a Vet and many of the family are medics and we still ended up in the position we did. I remember them saying he has a deep routed infection right at the beginning, he said it would be his spine he knew this without MRIs etc maybe we shouldn`t have trusted them but you do and “what if” is soul destroying.
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I know exactly how you feel. I became a zombie with Tony’s last breath. My life stopped. It’s 31 weeks now and my brain still freezes some days. I suppose it’s our bodies way of coping. It doesn’t seem real. It’s like I’m watching a film with me in it. I think in his case sepsis just hastened the inevitable end. They did so many blood tests but never found an antibiotic that could kill it. I just take comfort from the fact that I was with him to the very last minute. He’d rung me that morning and dad he’d had a better night and felt loads better !!! So it was a total shock when I got there and they’d told him the treatment wasn’t working. But he wasn’t ready for the pathway for a good while and when he was they’d let me know so I could let other visitors come. We had our normal 2 hour visit laughing and chatting and then just before I was due to leave he needed the loo and asked he to wait for him coming back. That was highly unusual as normally he’d tell me to go because he liked to know I was home safe before it got dark. He came back from the bathroom and spoke to me. Held my hand and Then he’d gone ! My anger is because if they’d put him in the pathway sooner his boys could have gone . They knew one lived on the south coast and it took hours to get here. That last why I’m pursuing it. I don’t want it to happen to anyone else.
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I didn`t get there in time he died when I was in the car park I had been called in so many times before for him to be ok. I waited to avoid the school runs but we did say our goodbyes the night before. Good luck as none of us should have to endure problems as what is already the worse time of our lives ,
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Hi bess1
Yes I am the same as you, I lost my husband 8th July and I have huge issues with the way he was treated (or rather not treated) in the hospital.
But the thing you said that I feel strongly too is about each day being further apart.as a new month starts I can’t bear that that is another month I haven’t been with him. I noticed the trees were getting autumn leaves and that set me off crying again as it’s unbearable,that he died in summer and now it’s autumn. That is such a sad thing - taking me further away from him .
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Hi Sandra 7
Thanks for your reply…… we are all on the same wavelength
Paul loved the Autumn …… the trees changing
We always went to Keswick in our motorhome always there 24 th October my birthday……
we loved everything about Keswick lots of walking fortunately we are just 1 hour and 45 mins away so went regularly October to March …… paul being a farmer easier to get way in the winter
Not this year or ever all weekend away cancelled……
For ever …… sends a shiver down my spine
How do we learn to cope ……
Have my first counselling session 11.30 today
Hope it helps as like all so struggling
Unless folks have been in this shit (sorry) situation no one knows what we feel like inside
All to easy when asked to say ‘fine’
When we bloody well aren’t
Sending hugs
Xx
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