Hi Bess i totally get where you are coming from, i feel so lost without my paul i also think he is going to walk into the house,or call or text me,the evenings are the worse,i just cant see a future without him,i cant bring myself to go through his belongs as i get in a state,im 56 and a widow i thought i would have him for at least another 15/20 years the pain is unbearable 
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Hi to you all
I am still very sad after nearly ten months without John after 40 yrs together, but am managing to do things with friends or on my own.
It is so sad and heart breaking to hear how difficult you are all finding the loss of your loved ones. I would love to say it gets a little easier but it doesnāt. I have no support from family and that has made me more determined I think.
You just learn to live with it and try to do things on your own as that is how life is now. It is āyourā life now not āourā life.
We all have to accept we could be around a little while yet and we must try to make some sort of life for ourselves.,I am 70 now and still want to do things.
I joined a local bereavement cafe which meets every Wed morn 10am to 12noon and we just sit and chat in a circle and it is a very positive and a happy group of men and women.
We all talk about our love ones and then listen and talk to others and make new friends and talk about lots of other things. It is really good mentally and not at all depressing and sad. It is run by the local hospice and the ladies organising it are there if you need a one to one chat or will arrange for a counsellor at a private session if you want it. It is all free too.
See if there is anything online in your areas.
The grief never goes but you live with it. Our partners will not be around anymore but life carries on. Try to be positive. It helps
I have just come back from 3 days in Ely. Stayed at a beautiful hotel just outside and spoke to a lot of people and did the tourist bit to keep my mind occupied.
I cant say it was enjoyable but bearable and I learnt a lot about the Cathedral and Oliver Cromwellās House.
I even treated myself to Afternoon Tea and a glass of prosecco at a lovely hotel in Ely that John and I had stayed in and I did really well. The memories were very difficultā¦ but
I cant keep being upset and miserable. We all only have one life. We dont get a second chance.
Love to you all and I hope this helps xx
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Hi Shelley
I do understand where you are coming from
My Paul always said It is what it is
Butā¦ā¦ I cannot grasp or donāt want to grasp thatās itās just me
Reality says it is just me but Iām finding it incredibly hard
Iāve been having face to face counselling since 3rd October so Iām fortunateā¦ā¦ very
But every single minute of every single day I miss Paul my heart aches
Again he would say like you I am here he is not
But itās everything ā¦going out ā¦.company etc etc
For me at the moment I just couldnāt go away by myselfā¦ā¦ I applaud you for doing that
As you can tell im not managing the situation that has been thrust at meā¦ā¦ and to be honest I just donāt know if I ever will
One thing I would say and I say constantly to Paul
Im trying
My counsellor says itās very early days and we have to learn to have a new life
Im just I suppose a slow learner but in my defence thereās alot of folk on here and at my group counselling sessions like me
Take care
Xx
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@Shelley50 &@Bess it was so inspirational to read Shelleyās post and I really admire her endeavour to build a new life. Like Bess I am really struggling and I am 10 months into this journey.I have lost confidence and lost my strong mental attitude.I donāt drive so am very restricted .I am trying every day and Iām emotionally exhausted but I never stop tryingKeep going Shelley youāre doing so well.
I pray Bess and I and all our kind friends on here will get there in the end .
Hugs
Annxx
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Hi 19 Lefke95
Yes I hope we all get there in the end ā¦ā¦ whenever that may be ā¦ā¦.and we are all different and that is good
I donāt have anyone who understands
How can they if they arenāt in our position and would I understand if I wasnāt in this position
Itās the
Shouldāve
Couldāve
Wouldāve moments that keep swirling around my head
I arenāt the person I was I know that
Iām not a couple any more I know that
It will never be the same I know that
All these things I have to accept and learn to accept but under earth it all I just miss my Paul
No one will ever ever love me ā¦.look out for me look after me ā¦.care for me ā¦ā¦ accept me
Like what my Paul did
( yes I know bad English)
And that folks as you know is the heart wrenching truth about this blooming ājourneyā we find ourselves on
That and putting āa face onā even though if asked how I am I always say struggling or finding it hard
My counsellor at the very beginning said to me never say your fine if your not
But we all know folks reaction to that and worse now the magical first year is over
Again my counsellor says it takes as long as it takes
Can it take forever?
Who knows ?
Xx
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@Bess1 i am exactly like you I even say exactly the same things.When asked how I am I always say Struggling and Finding it hard.But people just donāt get it because they havenāt experienced it.Losing our wonderful parents and other close family is shattering but it doesnāt seem to affect you the same ,When itās a marriage partner death not only takes this lovely person ,your lovely person ,but your whole life .Because you live year in and year out with that person which we donāt do with our parents or other family losses.
As you say it is very hard to believe that this is going to change.
I have counselling tomorrow the last 3 were disrupted because of technical hitches
I so hope it will be ok and I can get some help.
I have also experienced some of the change of attitude of some people āthat would do anything to helpā When anything is asked of them ,for one time only ,they suddenly arenāt able to help.Oh well who needs their help ?!
We will keep trying
Hugs
Annx
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