Your feelings are so like mine. I feel lost and so alone. This lockdown isn’t helping , the need for company just when I need it, emphasises the loneliness. I too long for his touch, his caring ways, his beautiful smile, and to be able to talk together,. …
At a time in life when work is behind you, the chance to spend more time together, doing whatever you wish, have been snatched away. I can’t bear to think of the rest of my life without him.
From a house full of Carers, 4 x a day, palliative team , district nurses and Doctors , suddenly , our home is silent. I once did wish we could have our peaceful home back, but now Id swop it just to have Tony here.
All I can add is, it will get easier to bear, there is no time limit on grief. Everyone is different. Losing your husband is like losing yourself. If you’ve read my previous posts, I speak from sad experience. I have been through this pain before 20 years ago. I lost my first husband suddenly, I wasn’t there, I was in hospital myself following major surgery. I didn’t want to live, only my daughters kept me from giving up. I was told , “you’ll get over it “. your young, you’ll meet someone else”. I could have screamed, I didn’t want anyone else , I wanted my darling husband back. I simply wanted to die too.
I never thought I would be happy again, I was wrong, I was lucky to meet Tony, he had lost his wife and we both understood the pain and grief. Cut a long story short, we married and had a very happy, content life, until we were hit again, by a dreadful disease. , and finally I lost Tony at New Year.
I promise you it will get easier, never leave you, but one day we will smile again. Just be kind to yourself, know it early days, don’t listen to people thinking you should be “ over this”. Only you know how you feel, get through a day at a time, don’t think ahead if you can avoid it. That’s how I’m getting through, unhappy, at times in bits , but still here.
Sending you love and understanding