How do I grieve when I cant share grief?

[Secret]

I dont have anyone to talk to or share my grief with, Ive been having an affair for 5 years and she passed away this week. She was my soulmate

[Seaneen]

Hello @Secret, I’m glad you have found our community but I’m so sorry for the loss that brings you here. This is a safe space where you can talk about your grief - I hope you find it to be a support.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you right now.

• Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
• Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
• Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
• Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through

You may also want to read this thread by @Dublingirl who has experienced a similar loss:

Disenfranchised Grief

I am the other woman. I know a lot of you will absolutely hate me, and I know I deserve it. I’d been having an affair for 12 years (we were both married). We had decided long ago that we would never leave our partners (who are both lovely) and families. We had a relationship that involved being in contact almost every day and we met up whenever we could. We were the very best of friends. We talked about anything and everything, laughed and loved each other dearly. We also loved our partners and …

Please do keep reaching out - you are not alone.

Seaneen

[Secret]

Life, marriages, relationships can be complicated. I never expected to be in a long term relationship, we met and feel in love and it was so strong we couldnt stop it. I wanted to change things and be with her but covid and cancer stopped that.

But only the two of us knew about it, so now shes gone I cant grieve openly, I cant share amazing she was or how special the love we shared was.

It feels like such a mess

[youareunbelievable]

Have you tried phoning Cruse and having a chat with them? I remember in my early days of grief, they were extremely helpful in listening. Do you have anyone else who knew about the two of you, who could offer support? Hugs to you… such a difficult time. x

[Beth123]

Hello,

Relationships are never easy but they are so often what sustains us day to day. To lose someone special can never be easy.
Not feeling able to talk about your loss, can be quite destructive.
You may find this site helpful, but may I suggest you seek professional counselling, a place where you can really express your thoughts and feelings without being judged or criticised.
In the meantime, do keep in touch on here, it might just help a little and hopefully ensure your other relationship weathers this difficult time.
Beth

[Secret]

I phoned Cruse on the first day and have spent a couple of hours on the phone to the Samaritans. Just because I was in bits. It did help.

And unfortunately there was nobody who knew, she kept it to herself right to the end. She was the most selfless person you could meet and I am struggling in my mind if she did that for me or there was an element of shame.

I really wish I could talk to someone who knew her. A few days ago I was the most import person in her life but now I never existed.

[Secret]

Hi Beth

What you said about relationships sustaining us really hit home. Despite our situation she was my person, she has left such a huge void in my life.

[Dublingirl]

@Secret I have replied to you privately. I know exactly what you are going through. I’ve had some counselling and it is good to talk about it out loud. All I do is cry at the sessions, but I’m sure it is better to get it out. I’m so sorry. This is a very lonely experience we are going through xx

[Nurselady2]

I hear you