How do we do this

How do we do this horrendous heartbreaking journey of grief. Its been just over 7 months and it still feels like it was yesterday. I miss you so bad and long to hold you. I feel so empty and worthless. I’m nothing withoutyou and I have no desire to continue withoutyou but I have no choice I have to keep my promise to you and take care of the pets and keep going for you. I just want to be with you that’s where I belong and where I need to be. My beautiful Irish rose I love you so much you are my heart and soul. I feel like I’m dead inside without you all I feel is pain. I love you pauline and our pets apart from that I have lost the capacity to love. You mean everything to me and I will keep trying for you and our babies. But I’m only doing it for you and them. Life now is a living painfull hell full of emptiness. No present no future just wanting to go back and relive the past with you if only we could. Be at peace baby I love you I miss you I want you I need you. You are the only person I have ever needed in my whole life and I will love you for all of my life. Until we meet again and are reunited. Our two hearts are joined as one. Our souls entwined because we belong together.

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This such a lovely message,the words describe perfectly how we all feel after losing our beloved partners.Beautifully written. Michael x

Beautifully expressed Casey and describes exactly how I feel . Please take care x

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@Mickeyboy31 hi Michael thankyou I’m sorry we are all on this painfull journey x

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@Angie4 hi angie thankyou. I’m sorry we all find ourselves here, but I’m so grateful for this site, at least here we all understand and support eachother. Take care x

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Thank you , i will x

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Hi Casey ,yes it is a terrible journey,grief and pain every day.Hate it ,not sure how to cope with it at the moment.Not sure I want to cope. Much love Michael x

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Hi Casey, it’s been 8 months for me. Every thing you said about missing your Pauline is exactly how I feel about my Andy. We haven’t got any pets, so it’s just me.
The unbearable emptiness, loneliness, I long for him so much. I don’t know how any of us survive this torture.
Thank you for sharing, I don’t feel so alone now.:heart:

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I lost my darling wife Judith 8 weeks ago to that evil cancer,I am alone in this empty house now that used to be a home.So unhappy and so lonely,32 years together and now nothing.Eating and sleeping very difficult,missing her so much ,she was my world,nothing matters anymore,the people on here are amazing for sharing their stories,we are all in this living hell of grief.We suffer everyday ,how are we supposed to carry on like this,I am finding everyday a massive challenge. Thank you all Michael x

They call it a journey, a journey non of us want to be taking, its 19 weeks for me, “good” days when I function on auto pilot, shower, get dressed, “bad” days when nothing seems worth getting out of bed for, family and friends are well meaning, get yourself out, do a bit of shopping you’ll feel better for being out but it’s not that easy, on Saturday I did go out was planning on going into town because no one was visiting and very fed up but panicked & got off bus crying not knowing what to do, I used to be so confident, it never bothered me going into town shopping,going for lunch on my own if Keith was busy gardening or going to football match but now I can just about make it to local shop and that’s a trial, it’s as though if I don’t leave home nothing else can hurt me and it’s also the coming back to empty house, I leave radio on but knowing once I’m in that’s it and Keith won’t be there or coming home it’s heartbreaking .

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Renault one,you have put into words exactly how I’m feeling, my husband passed away 8 weeks ago,I feel tortured,absolutely devastated,I just can’t believe Steve is not coming back,I to find it hard to even go into a shop especially when on my own tend to stay at home,I have lost my confidence not the woman I was,I break down all the time,

Thank you for sharing, grief is very painful

Christine x

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Hi Christine ,we are on the same timeline,my dear wife Judith passed away 8 weeks ago and I am ruined,I am completely overwhelmed with grief.Eating and sleeping are difficult,I am down to 14 stone 5 lbs from 16 stone.This is the worst time in my life.I cannot wait to get to bed at night,my bedroom is my safety net.I am scared for my future,if there is one for me.My heart is pounding right now,feels like it is ready to burst out of my chest.Hate this life now without Judith,do not really want to go on if the truth be known. Michael x

@M67 hi I am so very sorry for your loss and that you are on this heartbreaking journey. Its so hard without them isn’t it. Our pets give me a reason to get up though I’m still sleeping way to much. I’m glad my post helped you not to feel so alone. We are all suffering this heartbreak and torture and we do all support eachother. You are welcome to message me anytime. Please take care of yourself sending a hug x

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Hi Michael,the grief we are going through is devastating I honestly don’t know how to get through it,feel so lonely without Steve, very vulnerable,have lost my confidence with everything,I don’t feel I’m the same person as before this heartbreak

Take care

Christine x

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I am getting worse Christine,I am in a very bad place,cannot stop thinking about Judith and the way she suffered.My heart is broken.My life is broken.Scared for the future without her.Still losing weight,still not sleeping that well,this is truly a terrible thing this grief.Then we have the long dark winter nights to get through. Much love Michael x

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I read your post then regretted it. It’s 2 yrs since my wife Pat passed. She made me promise the same thing to look after our pets but every day I want to be with her we were married 45yrs and did so much together even living in Spain at one time. But in one way I’m glad she isn’t here now because 6mths after she passed I was diagnosed with prostate cancer and she would have struggled physically to look after me. Life is tough and I spend days alone so now I have taken up relearning the guitar it takes my mind off of thinking about Pat for the time I’m practicing. My advice to you would be to take up an interest that would take your mind off Pauline for a short time it doesn’t take the misery away but it does ease it for a bit. Good luck I feel for you.

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@Oscar hello Oscar I’m so sorry for your loss and if my post brought things back to you. I spend all my days alone apart from the pets. I keep on sleeping the day away and getting up late,I have to stop that. I have mental health issues as well which doesn’t help. To be honest I’m struggling just to do the day to day stuff. I feel for all of us going through this heartbreak. How are you doing health wise now? Thankyou for the advice. Please take care sending hugs x

I also spend most of the day alone with my 2 boys. And a blessing is they won’t allow me to not get up in the morning they want there walk. When Pat was alive she used to get annoyed at me sleeping but now because of my cancer I’m up during the night. Bed is not a place I like to be without Pat. I do have the company of my boys in bed there is always one on the bed and in the morning both. My life revolves around them now they are my support but they are 8 & 9 now so I have there passing to deal with then I’ll be free to join Pat. I have never had a serious days illness in my life so this cancer has knocked me for 6. But I know we all live and die and the choice isn’t ours when we go. I take comfort in the fact that Pat went first. This time of year is always the worst. I have a stepson and he looks on me as his dad but I don’t think he understands the way I’m feeling. Pat was and still is my life.

@Oscar I know what you mean its so heartbreaking when you lose your soulmate. Our babies are my support and my reason to get up everyday. Our dog cara is 13 now and our cats chip and dale are 4 they all sleep on the bed with me and often have more room than I do. I think I sleep more because when I’m asleep I don’t think or feel though I have had some nightmares lately which are quite disturbing and upsetting all around paulines passing. I think they will always be our lifes. I do feel blessed for having had her in my life and for the wonderful and fulfilling love we shared. What breed are your digs? You take care Oscar sending hugs x

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My dogs are both Labradors Aston & Louie Louie still misses Pat I’m sure, they would often be cuddled up on the sofa. Pat was my soul mate and my accountant she ran the house luckily she had all the passwords written in a book in the safe but budgeting was something I had to learn. I had a long time before Pat passed away to think about things and to plan things as she had health issues for around 40yrs of our marriage. And I know what you mean I usually wake up lying across the top of the bed and the boys have the rest. You take it easy and remember one day at a time.

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