Donant if your brother is not visiting tomorrow maybe you could just ring and chat to a couple of friends i have facebook and talk to friends on there as well it all helps
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Hi so sorry for your loss. Nearly nine months since my hubby died. And I’m sorry to say it doesn’t get any easier. Some days I have to take it a minute at a time. I had been with hubby since we were 16 .so I don’t know anyother life. It is so heartbreaking and lonely. Hope posting and reading on this site helps you. You are not alone people on here understand how you are feeling .xtake carex
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Hello,sorry for your loss………it’s bloody hard isn’t it?..….I just keep thinking Why…….we saved all our lives,my wife was going part time this year……we were going to go on so many more holidays……I feel robbed……….Because I’m 52 I feel so scared,it’s like I can’t be on my own but I need someone to go for a walk with,go for a meal etc………I really am all alone and I hate it
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Hi yes it is hard. The hardest thing I have ever had to do . We were both 59 and still had a lot of living to do . I still work .i don’t want to work . But I have to pay the bills . I would rather just sit in house all day . Even though it is a house now not a home anymore. I also hate this existence . It is not a life anymore . I do have family . So I am not alone but still lonely without my true love my hubby. Xtake carex
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Broken2222 i can relate to what your saying about the home just being a house now i feel the same i take no interest in the garden i just have my son mow the lawn its been 5 months for me but my life after 40 years will never be the same im with you about family as well i can be surrounded by them but feel lonely its all so hard xx
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Hi sorry for your loss . Our lives without our loved one . Is awful now . We have no happiness no future . Just heartbreak . I have no interest in our house anymore . I just do what has to be done to the minimum , I don’t watch the TV as that was what WE did together . I just listen to music . But that doesn’t help . Most of the songs the lyrics have different meaning to me now . It is just sadness after sadness each and every day . I miss and love my hubby more and more each day . Xtake carex
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Broken 2222 i hardly watch the telly now i just cant concentrate on anything they say it gets easier i talk to my widowed friend and that helps me as well x
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Hi I am glad you have a friend you can talk to. Me and hubby didn’t bother with friends . We were always to wrapped up in each other . But we were very happy . I still work so I do have people I can chat to . But I don’t think they realise how hard it is for me now . I don’t like to keep going on to them . I feel like I just want to tell them to cherish every moment they have with there partners . Not to let life get in the way . But I am unable to because I know I will just start to cry . Xtake carex
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broken 2222 I can reate to that as me and my wife were also the same as in we just wanted each other. Also like you I want to tell people to enjoy each other but then break down in tears when I try to and I am unable to ask them for help, though trying to get some counselling.
Even this forum makes me feel sad although it helps to have others who have some inkling of my feelings.
Love to you all. Joe x
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Think I need a bit of help………I’m an early riser,when I was in work it was 5.15am,now I’m on the sick I get up about 7am,I manage to make a bit of breakfast,well cereal and a coffee,then I jump in the car,we are only 10 minutes from seaside,I walked this morning for just over an hour,sat in the car after for 10 minutes,drove slowly back home……AND it’s only 10.30am what can I do now???..……loneliness is really a killer it really is………please don’t tell me to go for my drive and walk later,I just can’t seem to walk on my own when it’s busy,when there’s people about…….We did everything together,I could never sit in a cafe and have a coffee on my own,I’d feel to conscious,it’s just the way I am,always been like that…….I miss my wife and I am so lonely
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Hi @Donant, Have you thought about going back to work, I know you are signed off sick at the moment.
I returned to work after seven weeks, it was hard, I cried all the way to work that first morning. I have several meltdown moments at work since but my colleagues are very supportive and understanding.
It has helped with giving focus to my day, and I don’t feel so lonely at work.
I still get lonely especially in the evenings that is when I miss my husband the most, I just try to keep busy at home. One of the things I found most helpful is I write letters to my husband all the time, keeping them in a journal. I write how much I miss him, tell him about what our family is doing, about work and what’s happening in the road. I always read them out loud to him so he can hear me, I’m often crying while doing it but it keeps me close to him.
I am feel you pain, there is no easy answer you just have to do what is best for you.
Sending love, Debbie X
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I’ve thought about going back to work,but I don’t think I can or want to,not the job I have…….I work in a small factory about 10 of us,the way I’m looking at it is I’d be going back to the same job, same life, but coming home to empty house and no wife………I’m thinking I need a new job,maybe part time,meeting new people,something to focus on maybe……
I definitely need to do something in time because on my own all day is torture……….Can you understand my thinking??..……I think going back to same job won’t benefit me,won’t get me meeting new people………Do you think I’m thinking right??..……sometimes I think I got this brain fog they talk about
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I can see where your coming from to a point. I needed familiarity, a place where I felt safe and people that know me well and alot of them knew my husband too.
I’ve been in my job coming up for 28 years and being a school I have a good pension, plus I lost over half my income when he died and I needed to pay bills. Circumstances forced me to return in a way.
You could ways try your present job while looking for another. Give yourself time don’t make rash decisions, I know all about brain fog.
Debbie X
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Classic brain fog 
:fog:
I have returned to work but work from home. The company I work for are wonderful and very supportive. I hoped it would be distraction but the first few days made the loneliness worse as I didn’t have the voice from the other room asking how the day was going. Who was that meeting with etc. this last week granddad has stayed with me and that has helped.
Because my work are so supportive though and it is a god job etc I am preserving. You may find the same with yours - it may surprise you. At the moment you are using your imagination to think the worse case scenario.
You can’t hide from loneliness, and I have been using an app called Grief Works which. Has very small lessons and tools to help through these days and having to sit with those uncomfortable feelings. I am already feeling fearful as tomorrow Granddad goes home so will be on here I am sure
Beki x
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Hi sorry for your loss. It is an awful feeling missing our partners every second of every day . It’s nearly nine month since my hubby died. I really don’t know how I have survived this long. And it seems to be getting harder every day. I don’t regret at all just spending all my time with hubby. Just wish it hadn’t ended. I know posting and reading on here has helped me. It is so sad that other people feel the same as I do.xtake care x
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Hi I went back to work four months after hubby died. It does help a little just by filling the day time. But hubby always in my mind at work .yes brain fog is real. Also thought go through my head all the time .good and bad thoughts. Posting and reading on this site has helped me to realise I’m not going crazy. Other people feel the same .I’m sorry can’t give you any advice to help you . I am unable to help myself . But we all help each other on here what ever way we can .xtake carex
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Hi Donant
sorry for your loss i lost my husband nearly 7 months ago now we were together 56 years and married 54 years we were very close always together people used to ask dont you 2 ever go out without each other my husband used to say no we are joined at the hip
the think i can say is you will never get over it but you do learn to live with it i keep myself as busy as i can so i am really tired when i go to bed i have gort a dog so go out with her 3 times a day and the the volunteers from the greyhound trust we had her from come and collect me to go onn the dog walks with hard at first but best thing you can do is go out and try to talk to people there are a lot of people out there on their own i dont drive so i also feel as if my freedom has gone as well as a part of me so dont go far only when someone picks me up
the nights are the worst as its then when you feel more lonely without anyone to talk to
keep reading the posts on here and writeing everything you feel so many going through the same so someone always there to talk to
take one day at a time with baby steps
pat
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Hi Donant. I was also with my partner for 28 years. She passed away last Oct. 3 months short of her 66th birthday. She was looking forward to getting her pension but never made it. I’m 70 so well into retirement. We also had no children together or from our previous relationships and I am now living alone. Being retired I have a lot of thinking time on my hands and have to try and find things to occupy me to take my mind off stuff. I totally get what you say about going to bed early to get the day over I do the same thing because I find the evenings the worst time. I’m so sorry for your loss particularly at your age. My best wishes to you.
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Hello,thanks for replying,and I’m sorry for your loss.Does it get any easier as the months go by???..…How do you spend your days,I’m lucky in a way I suppose I’m 52 and don’t have to go back full time,I might quit my job and get something part time……I need to do something,it’s driving me crazy,but what to do I don’t know………I know what your saying 52 is so young to be on my own for the rest of my life,but I would never go looking for anyone.life is cruel taking your wife away before retirement.My wife had just reduced her hours in work,was going to retire at 60,life is so unfair,my wife never hurt anyone,everyone loved her,especially me,I loved her so very much.I seen to not want to go out in busy places,so I jump in my car every morning,drive to the sea about 10 minutes away,go for a long walk,get back in car,sit for 10 minutes,drive slowly home………….But you know what,when I get home it’s still only 9.30 to 10am,and I got the full day ahead of me doing nothing…………I hate it
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Morning Donant. All of this is so tough, isn’t It? I describe my life to people as a mixture of sadness, lonelyness and boredom. I try to go out once a day to get away from these four walls. My partner hadn’t been well for years and I was her carer so my days were filled with things to do. Now that she’s gone I’m at a loss most of the time to know what to do. I assume at your age you will at some stage return to work and although that will be difficult at least it will get you out of the house and meeting people. In the mean time carry on posting on here. I’ve vented on here, complained, asked for advice and at times just put my thoughts down when I’ve felt particularly sorry for myself. I’ve found it’s helped.
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